


Day Shift, Night Shift

by Adrenochrome



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Hospitals, Jongdae makes questionable decisions, M/M, OT12 - Freeform, Sehun just wants to complete his junior doctor hours, and Kyungsoo is just sick of everyone being incompetent
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-17
Updated: 2018-11-21
Packaged: 2018-12-30 22:32:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 55,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12118617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adrenochrome/pseuds/Adrenochrome
Summary: Kyungsoo works as a senior nurse in one of the busiest emergency departments in the whole of Seoul, where he helps patch up and treat hundreds of patients every week. He considers himself to be knowledgeable, reliant and resilient. Which is exactly why Jongin is totally enchanted by him.





	1. Foreword

This will be a light-hearted fic, based off my own medical knowledge and from various documentaries featuring the Emergency Department and the ambulance service (In the UK), so many of the procedures and protocols will from the UK. Any trigger warnings will be stated at the beginning of the chapter, as there will be mentions of medical procedures and difficult topics. I will try to make this as accurate as I possibly can. This will be OT12, and kaisoo-centric.


	2. 6:55AM

T/W: Mentions of illness and injury.

For some reason, despite being in one of the most advanced hospitals in the province, the phones were extremely outdated and clunky. When they ring they make the most annoying high pitched noise, the stuff of Baekhyun’s nightmares, really.

“Seoul International Hospital, you’re through to the Emergency Department, how may I help you today?” Baekhyun was a fantastic actor, because even when he was irritated he could always fake a sickly sweet tone.

Jongdae couldn’t exactly hear who was on the other end of the line, or at least he couldn’t make out the exact conversation. But when you’d worked as a receptionist for a few months you started to see a pattern in the calls. Twirling his pen between his fingers, he pretended he was reading a file, but really he was just eavesdropping.

Baekhyun fidgeted, listening to the woman on the phone ramble about something, quickly his face became sulky. He pouted. “Ma’am, this is the emergency department. For emergencies. A cut on your son’s knee doesn’t constitute as an emergency, I recommend you go to your local doctor's practice.”

The voice on the other end got louder, if it wasn’t for the loud hustle and bustle in the background, Jongdae would probably have been able to make out exactly what was being said. With every second that passed, Baekhyun looked more and more like he was ready to murder. Jongdae had seen it so often before, it was almost normal practice.

“Is your son dying? Is he about to bleed out to death? No? Then you do not need to come to the emergency room, please see your local doctor.” He tried to keep a professional voice, but it wasn’t going well. The lady tried to argue back, but was silenced with a “Thank you for calling, have a great day!” before slamming the phone down with force.

There was a couple of seconds of awkward silence as Baekhyun composed himself, before turning and looking at Jongdae, a bored look on his face.

“What?” He snapped, fixing Jongdae with a bitchy glare.

“I think I should take calls for the rest of our shift.” He pushes back on his office chair.

“I think you should too. Too many stupid people calling that damn phone.” He pushed the phone away like it had offended him personally, wheeling himself away from the front desk with a kick. 

It was pretty standard practice these days, the people who usually called the front desk were either doctors who thought they were above everyone else, or the general public calling for information. Baekhyun had literally no patience for either of those, so it was either Jongdae took over the phones, or Baekhyun would get a disciplinary and Jongdae would be stuck manning the desk on his own.

And that would literally be unbearable.  
He shuffled over to the other side of the desk, Baekhyun would have to deal with walk ins if he was going to be bratty. Jongdae couldn’t do it all on his own. He sometimes wondered why Baekhyun even applied for this job in the first place, he hated dealing with people.

“Hey guys, how’s your morning so far?” Ah yes, that smooth, suave voice of Doctor Kim.

Just like clockwork, Baekhyun shuffled his chair back to the reception, fixed his hair and fluttered his eyelashes. “Good morning Jongin, you’re looking handsome today.” Sickeningly sweet, just like the smile he was currently giving.

The emergency room’s on call Neurosurgeon, Jongin was one of the most popular people in the place. Every single morning, or evening if he was on the night shift, he’d come round and greet everyone working that shift. No one knew why, but it always seemed to put Baekhyun in a good mood, so Jongdae didn’t complain. Well, he did a bit.

“Good so far, what about yours?” Jongdae responded, as pleasantly as one could while juggling paperwork notes, and emails.

It really confused Jongdae, how Jongin could have one of the most difficult and straining jobs in the hospital, yet always look like he’d just had a full night’s sleep, gone for a morning jog, and had a full nutritious breakfast. The best he himself could manage was coffee and a cigarette before coming close to tears as he drives to work, emotional from lack of sleep.

Jongin had said something but Jongdae wasn’t paying attention at all, too busy feeling jealous. It must have been something nice because Baekhyun was practically pushing himself closer to Jongin, resting his chin on his palms, looking like a teenage girl staring at an idol. Baekhyun was like a cat in heat whenever he saw him.

He was disgustingly beautiful, but also disgustingly predictable. At the start of the shift, he asked the same question.

“Is Kyungsoo on shift today?”

Baekhyun sighed softly, before breaking the gaze. Looked at the rota for the week. “Hmmmm he is, head trauma nurse for majors today.” He gave Jongin a winning smile, this time with pearly whites.

Jongin nodded a little, smiling to himself, before clearing his throat and looking at them both. “Right, good. I had some stuff to give him anyways. I’ll see you guys later.” He gave a little wave before walking down to majors. 

Baekhyun hummed again, eyes following Jongin as he walked off. “Mmmm he even smells good. I want some of that cologne.”

Jongdae cringed. “Down, boy.”

\--

Ambulance cabs were always so cold in the morning, even when it was hot out. Tao felt like an idiot for having to wear his dark green ambulance issued fleece, with his cold hands clutched onto a warm paper cup filled with tea, especially when it was a perfectly comfortable temperature outside. He sighed.

Kris was eating some weird, sugary pastry that didn’t really look healthy. Tao’s morning peace and quiet was periodically interrupted by the munching noise, then the resulting moan of pleasure, as Kris silently bopped his head to some nonexistent music.

Tao gave him the side eye. “What are you doing?”. When it was just the two of them, Tao felt comfortable enough to speak in his mother tongue, but not in front of patients, or his boss.

Kris’ eyes widened, he gave Tao a really innocent look, finishing his mouthful before talking. “I’m eating my breakfast, why?”

“Kris, that’s not breakfast. Don’t you dare call that breakfast.” Tao could barely hide his disgust.

His poor partner looked hurt, as he looked down at the remaining mouthful of pastry. “What’s wrong with it? It tastes really good, do you want the last bite?” He stuck his unfeasibly long arm out, waving the last piece in front of Tao’s face, making him jolt back into his chair.

“No! I don’t. I can smell the sugar, there’s no way that is good for you.” Tao shook his head, turning to look out of the window.

“Suit yourself.” He sniped, stuffing the rest into his mouth in one go.

Tao glanced at the time, it was 6:59AM. He had 1 more minute of peace before a 12 hour shift. He didn’t have enough sleep last night to get him safely through this shift. “I’m tired.” He sighed.

“Well, stop being tired. We have 12 hours of fallen seniors and heart attacks to deal with.” Kris mumbled, wiping his mouth with his sleeve. 

If looks could kill, Kris would be dead. Tao felt awful, he’d been working night shifts the week before, so sleeping at night was proving rather difficult. Really he was still exhausted from said night shifts, because they always seemed to be busier than day shifts, plus there was the fact your body just felt off because you’d had to become nocturnal in a matter of days.

Tao needed a holiday.

“Well, shift’s officially started.” Kris said, switching on the screen and radio system. It’d barely been lit up for a few seconds before the first call came through. Loud beeps sounded through the cab, making Tao groan.   
“Oh stop being such a baby, we’ve got an RTC to go to, 2 casualties.” Kris said, cheeky grin and all.

It was indeed an RTC, 3 cars involved. “Police in attendance, one patient complaining of neck and back pain, another query head injury. Oh, it involved a pedestrian too, nasty.” Tao continued. Sitting himself straight, tea finished. 

“Blue lights it is, I don’t know how well we’ll do though, morning rush hour and all.” Kris added, configuring settings before cleaning himself off. “Buckle up, princess.” 

“Yeah, yeah.” Tao rubbed his eyes, mentally preparing himself for another long, eventful day.

\--

Hit. 

“Come on man, don’t do this to me today.” He whined, feeling far too close to tears for this early in the morning.

Hit.

“I am begging you.”

Hit. Then for some reason, a light started flashing. Sehun had absolutely no clue what it was for, nor did he care. All he wanted was a coffee. He’d been awake since 3am because his mom’s damn cat wouldn’t stop meowing in the night, for no reason at all, his car wouldn’t start so he had to get the bus which was, of course, late, and then he’d been assigned to majors on one of the busiest days of the week. So really, he wasn’t having the best morning.

“I should just quit. I really should.” He smacked the coffee machine one last time, sending the stack of paper cups to the floor. He groaned again.

He wandered out from the tiny little break room, picking up the stack of files he needed to read over, he could barely keep his eyes open without them feeling sore. Why do cats meow for no reason?

Kyungsoo looked like he was ready to stab the other junior doctor on duty that morning. Even though Kyungsoo was a bit smaller in stature than the two junior doctors, Sehun still feared him. He’d been head nurse in the ER for just over a year, but it felt like he’d been there much longer, he practically ran the whole ER, without him everything would be chaos.

When he felt it was finally appropriate, he shuffled up to Kyungsoo, who looked beyond irritated. “Hey ‘soo, how’s your morning going?” 

Kyungsoo’s hair was messed up, like he’d been running his hands through his hair repeatedly, he sighed. “Honestly? So far it’s not too bad. I’ve got an eighty-two year old female in bay one, she’s got a diagnosis of Angina but two doses of her GTN spray didn't stop the pain so she’s going to be assessed by the cardiac team. Bay two we have a high schooler who’s dislocated her knee, I’m assuming you’ll be helping put that back in in about 15 minutes or so. Bay three and four are empty for now, so it’s all manageable.” He nodded, sounding like he trying to convince himself that it was all okay, rather than Sehun.

Sehun pouted, nodding. “How did she dislocate her knee?” 

“She said she’d gone to the school gymnasium to warm up for something, was unsupervised too so she’d actually had to wait til another student came in before she could get help.” Kyungsoo grimaced.

“Ouch.” 

Kyungsoo hummed, turning back to the nurses station. “I mean for this time of day it’s kind of quiet, not that I’m complaining. I’m exhausted.”

Sehun was about to launch a whole conversation about how he was tired too, mention his mom’s stupid cat, but he was interrupted by the shrill ringing of the red phone. Most of the people working in majors turned to look, but no one moved. Kyungsoo sighed once more, before grabbing his Mickey Mouse pen from behind.

Sehun knew that with rush hour came the accidents. Korean drivers were kind of crazy, it was really eye opening seeing the aftereffects of an road traffic collision, especially because he was a driver too. It was like an odd handful of people out on the roads had zero regard for any other drivers. 

The nurse was busy writing down the notes being given by dispatch, nodding and asking questions as he did so. Finishing the call, he turned to the microphone system. 

“Paediatric trauma call, ETA ten minutes. That’s paediatric trauma call, ETA ten minutes.” The loud PA system boomed through the whole of the Emergency Department, bar the waiting room. 

“Sehun? Can you page for Junmyeon from Paediatrics to come down?” Kyungsoo called, tearing off the sheet from the book.

“Sure, what do we know so far?” His damn pager was such an outdated piece of tech, he kind of just wanted to text him.

Kyungsoo was amazing at multitasking, which was a winning quality in a nurse. He sent another nurse to retrieve sheets, while he disinfected the bed for Bay three. The thick scent of disinfectant spread. “Car versus pedestrian, an eight year old girl. She got hit while being taken to school. Tao’s bringing it in.” Short and sweet, just like how Sehun liked it.

Sehun admired Tao, he was a cool guy. It was strange to see him during work and then out of work, because it was like meeting two completely different people. Tao was an incredibly affectionate, soft character. But working Tao was like the ideal paramedic, worked to the books and was loved by seniors, as a doctor you couldn’t ask for anything more. 

His stupid pager beeped, interrupting his thoughts, he glanced down. “Junmyeon is on his way.” 

Kyungsoo stepped back, nodding. “Right. Okay. I need coffee before we start all this. You also need to call radiography down to x-ray that girl’s leg.”

Sehun frowned. “The machine is broken.”

The poor nurse looked up, suddenly angered. “Are you kidding me?” Sehun shook his head. “Fuck my life.” 

This shift was going to get messy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, this is the start of a hospital AU I've been working on. Please tell me what you think, love you guys!


	3. 2:37PM

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! Merry Christmas if you celebrate that. I took some time to myself after Jonghyun's passing and I ended up planning out this whole story, it was a good little escape from social media. So I plan to keep this going! I have story arcs and everything, which I've not really done before so it might go pear-shaped but who cares! I hope you enjoy this, if there are any spelling errors, blame Grammarly for not picking it up lmao. Please comment and if you're feeling extra lovely, press that upvote button! I want to get as much feedback as possible. Love Ya! 
> 
> T/W: Discussion of injuries.

It turned out that an ETA of ten minutes estimated by Tao was actually in fact five minutes when Kris was behind the wheel. Sehun and the team wouldn’t normally complain, but not everyone who needed to be present, was present. Junmyeon, probably the one doctor they needed the most was still in the Paediatric ward, despite telling Sehun he was on his way, which was quite typical for Junmyeon because he got distracted easily.

 

Tao came through the ambulance entrance straight into majors, with Kris trailing not far behind carrying paperwork. But instead of looking solemn, he looked cheerful, a smile on his face in fact.

 

The team, or those who had gathered, formed a U shape around the opposite side of the hospital bed, as Tao pulled the ambulance stretcher up to the clear side. “Are you ready for handover?”

 

“We’re short of our paeds doctor but you can go ahead.” Sehun’s senior spoke, the middle-aged lady already had apron and gloves on ready.

 

“Okay, thank you.” Tao glanced down at his patient, an absolutely tiny eight-year-old who was being swallowed by two massive orange blocks placed at either side of her head. You could tell she had been crying, as her eyes were red and watery. “Everyone, this is Sara, she was on the walk to school with her mother when a three-vehicle RTC occurred, the car which was speeding hit the back of the car in front, which then subsequently hit the car in front of them. It is this front car which has gone to hit Sara as she crossed at a pedestrian crossing.”

 

The poor girl whined slightly, Kris stepped forward to try comfort her but it didn’t work too well.

 

“Car has made impact at around fifteen miles per hour, top to toe injuries include query head injury, query spinal injury and lacerations to lower legs. She’s been given two-hundred and fifty milligrams of IV paracetamol, heart rate is ninety and blood pressure is a hundred and fourteen over seventy five, GCS of fifteen for the journey. Sara’s mother is waiting in the relatives room.” Tao finished, nodding at Kris to hand over paperwork to the blonde nurse stood next to him.

 

Just as Tao finished handover, a very flustered looking Junmyeon came into view. Sehun repeated what had been said during handover as the nurses cooed and tried to sooth the child, in a bid to get her to trust them. She cried as they swapped her from the paramedic stretcher to the bed, which was a very delicate process especially when the patient had a suspected spinal injury.

 

Doctors were firing off orders left right and centre, telling nurses to go retrieve various medications or equipment, Kyungsoo was on the phone to radiography to alert them a patient would be coming for a full CT scan. Junmyeon pushed himself through the barrage of specialists to get close to the little girl. The doctor looked the part, dressed in teddy bear print red and blue scrubs with lots of smiley face stickers on his old name tag. “Hello Sara, my name’s Junmyeon and I’m going to be looking after you today. Are you in any pain?” His smooth, soothing voice made the female nurse swoon. The little girl whined again. “If you are, do let us know because we’re all here to make you feel better.” Junmyeon smiled, showing perfect teeth.

 

Tao and Kris were already signing off paperwork and packing up to leave, ready for their next job. Kyungsoo was grateful for the extra space provided by the stretcher being removed. The nurses checked her IV line, and asked about a billion questions about where it hurt, how much it hurt, if she could wiggle her toes and her fingers, if she had a headache, where exactly did it hurt.

 

Kyungsoo watched on as Junmyeon distracted Sara with talk of cartoons, the usual trick to get his patients thinking of something, anything except what was going on around them. It was difficult, especially for children, to comprehend what was going on around them, and to understand the severity of their injuries. The best thing to do was sugar coat it a little bit, until they were out of the emergency department at least.

 

“Sara, would you say it hurts at the top of your back, in the middle or near the bottom?” Junmyeon asked, carefully.

 

“All of my back, sir.” She said, whining slightly.

 

Junmyeon nodded. “Okay, well, we’re going to make that better for you so you won’t feel the pain anymore, then we’re going to use a machine to look at your insides so we can make sure you haven’t been hurt where we can’t see. Is that okay? Is there anything you’d like to ask me?”

 

Sara pouted, answering no. Giving her a final, winning smile, Junmyeon turned to the rest of the doctors that had gathered just outside the hospital bay. Kyungsoo looked tired, eager for orders so at least he was moving and not just stood on his feet. Junmyeon joined them, looking slightly out of place with his paediatricians scrubs. His sickly sweet, playful attitude temporarily on hold while he discussed important matters.

 

“Can someone put a call through to radiography and speed up this CT scan? I have concerns about this query spinal injury and I want to know what we’re working with. She’s complaining of pain still so up her dosages, I want her nil by mouth until the CT scan clears her of internal injuries too.”

 

“Will she be transferred to paediatrics after this?” Kyungsoo asks, reading his clipboard once more before looking up at Junmyeon.

 

The doctor sighed. “Let me make some calls, do some bed shuffling, and I’ll get back to you on that. I should be able to find somewhere for her. Oh, monitor her motility and cognition, if anything seems out of the ordinary then page neuro, she’s had a nasty hit to the head.”

 

Sehun raised his hand, grabbing everyone’s attention. “Should we get the mother in and ask her to compare Sara’s normal behaviours and her current ones?”.

 

Junmyeon clicked, before smiling and pointing at Sehun. “Yes, definitely do that, if anything looks abnormal, put in a call, any bleeds will be caught on the CT scan too. Right, I’m going to go make room for her.” He bowed slightly, before pulling out his work cell phone, and walking away from the commotion.

 

Kyungsoo turned to Sehun. “You do pain relief, I’ll do the radiography call. Oh! If you get chance will you put in a call to maintenance about the coffee machine? I’m not doing this shift without it.”

 

\--

 

After the initial red phone call, there was a lull in patients, which was extremely unusual given it was a Friday. Chanyeol from physiotherapy had come down to oversee the relocation of the teenage girls knee from bay two, he was annoying Kyungsoo with how damn happy he was, he hated him. Sara had been moved to paediatrics after her CT scan cleared her from any serious head injuries, however, she did have to have stitches to her lacerations, which wasn’t fun.

 

Kyungsoo was writing down observation readings for the lady with chest pain when he heard a loud, shrill scream from behind the curtains.

 

“Finally! Looks like it’s gone back in!” Chanyeol shouted, nearly as loud as the poor girl who was crying. No one could mistake that damn voice for anyone else.

 

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes, getting back to recording numbers. The elderly lady in his bay was pleasant, he much preferred older patients to younger ones. She was smiling away, reading a book which was in her handbag when she was brought in. She’d already told Kyungsoo he was handsome, reminder her of her grandson, so maybe he was a little bit biased.

 

Sehun was doing stitches somewhere in minors, for some reason, there had been an influx of kitchen accidents today, lots of deep cuts or puncture wounds from people stabbing avocados, Kyungsoo wished it was a joke, but it wasn’t. A couple of doctors from majors had gone over to minors to help out while they were free.

 

After helping with a plaster cast, Kyungsoo had been on shift for five hours and was entitled to a thirty-minute break. He went to the larger break room that was further out of the emergency department, as that was the one which was used less frequently. The room had a light broken, so it was dim, and there were no vending machines or coffee machines, meaning it was completely silent, the perfect place to catch thirty minutes sleep.

 

Kyungsoo set an alarm on his phone, before dozing off, as easy as ever.

 

Little did he know, that Jongin was also on break at the same time, and knew that Kyungsoo liked to take his break in the larger common room. He’d been trying to motivate himself these last few days in a bid to build up enough courage to actually ask Kyungsoo if he’d like to grab coffee, he’d spend an obscene amount of time stood in front of his wardrobe mirror at home, practicing how to talk, which seemed stupid. He was such a confident and carefree person, he had never had any kind of trouble talking to people like this. He didn’t know if it was his attraction to kyungsoo which made him struggle, or if it was Kyungsoo’s intimidating demeanor. Either way, he needed to overcome this obstacle to get to what he wanted.

 

Jongin stepped into the break room, opening his mouth ready to greet the nurse with a line he’d practised six times before entering, but was choked into silence at the sight of him, half curled up on the rather uncomfortable looking sofa. Kyungsoo’s pitch black hair had fallen into his eyes, and his mouth had fallen open slightly.

 

Jongin actually put his hand up to his mouth to stop him from making an “awww” sound. He felt his face heat up, and his heartbeat speed up. He was embarrassed like a little school boy, and he knew he should just leave, but he’d never seen the nurse look so peaceful and stress free. Jongin caught himself, and remembered his earlier conversation with the emergency department staff.

 

He disappeared, closing the door as silently as he possibly could. Kyungsoo still stirred the noises of commotion from the corridor disturbing him. Settling down again, he stretched out slightly, scrubs rising to show a similar coloured navy cotton t-shirt underneath.

 

When Jongin returned, Kyungsoo was still fast asleep, Jongin walked in and sat down silently on the opposite chair, placing down a takeaway cup from the cafe on the first floor. It was steaming hot and smelt like strong coffee. He’d heard that the coffee machine in the emergency department had broke earlier today, and Kyungsoo wasn’t happy about it.

 

He sat, admiring the sleeping nurse, enjoying seeing him so calm and rested. His peace was interrupted however, by the loud and annoying beeping of his pager. Panicking, he stood and tried to muffle the beeping until he got out of the room, not wanting to wake Kyungsoo. He didn’t want to appear to be some kind of stalker that watched him sleep, even though he kind of just did.

 

Rushing out into the corridor, he read his pager. He’d been called into emergency surgery, which was two floors down. He walked a bit further down before he stood waiting by the elevator doors.

 

Meanwhile, Kyungsoo was pissed. Who was stood there with a pager? Could they not see he was asleep and didn’t want to be disturbed?

 

He sat up, rubbed his eyes and let out a content moan. Blinking, he noticed the coffee cup on the table in front of him, steam rising from the top. He didn’t remember that being there before he fell asleep…

 

The cup was labelled. “Kyungsoo”. Did someone buy him a coffee or did someone else called Kyungsoo leave it here? It was strong, he could smell it, he didn’t know many people who enjoyed coffee as strong as he did. It must have been for him. But who bought it?

 

He stood, walking to the door and looking out on the corridor, which was mostly empty, the elevator doors closed as a porter walked past. Odd. Returning to his seat, he looked as his phone, he still had 10 minutes left before his break was over, he thought he might as well enjoy the coffee, making a mental note in the back of his head to ask if anyone he knew had bought him it.

 

It was nice and hot, just the way he liked it, he wrapped his hands around the cardboard cup, soaking in the heat and feeling, for once, a little bit appreciated. 


	4. These Flashing Lights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Oh my god, the response this story has had has been amazing. All the comments have been so nice, I'm so shocked. I was so scared I'd get shouted at because it's not completely accurate, but I've been trying hard to make it as accurate as possible. And yes, this is totally a filler chapter and a little bit messy but I just want to get all the characters introduced and fleshed out. I'll try to make the chapters longer in the future, but I won't be updating for a bit as I have exams currently. But anyways! Enjoy! And as always, let me know what you think <3

**T/W: Mentions of illness and injury, minor character death**

 

Yixing had been told by one of his colleagues that the emergency department was nicknamed “the race ward” by the pharmacists. Mainly because you had such little time with your patients, but also because doctors had a tendency to try to get them out of the ER and into a ward as soon as possible, making their job just that extra bit harder. Making it all a race against time.

He didn’t mind, though. In fact, he liked the idea of almost working on the front-line, being with patients whose world had turned upside down in a matter of seconds. Though his job wasn’t as high profile as some of the other people working in the ER, he was still just as important. He had to memorise interactions, dosages, allergies and have them at the forefront of his mind every single day. He couldn’t just go back to his office and read up information, it had to be quick and accurate. He liked the idea of a challenge, despite being a ball of anxiety.

When the vacancy became available in the emergency room, none of his other colleagues applied, so he was guaranteed the switch. It was a bit intimidating that no one else wanted the role, it kind of made him feel on edge, like all of his coworkers knew something about this role that he didn’t, and that the job was going to ruin his sleep pattern even more. But he trusted himself, he’d gone through many years of school and various placements and jobs. He was just as qualified to be working in the emergency room as the next pharmacist.

Although, he didn’t really have a personal space anymore, which he missed.

Yixing was a bit of a loner, not really one to sit and have lunch with other people working the shift. Mainly because Korean wasn’t his first language, and his anxiety always told him that he was going to say something wrong or not use honorifics and insult someone. But from the looks of things, everyone in the ER was sociable. They talked a lot when things were quiet, they brought each other coffee and drinks. It was like a little family, and Yixing felt welcome.

On his first day, he’d given out countless amounts of antibiotics and painkillers. Most of the patients coming in had superficial wounds, cuts and grazes, sometimes infected. There was one person with suspected meningitis, but it was most likely viral. So his first day was relaxed and chilled. He was kind of anxious for the weekends, he’d heard a lot of drunk patients were brought in and it gets chaotic. But he’ll cross that bridge when he gets to it. 

He was just logging in all the medicines which the pharmacy had received, when a paediatric trauma call came in, being announced over the tannoy system. He let out a sigh before placing his pen down gently on the workstation. He walked out around the corner to see the senior nurse, Kyungsoo, writing down some information, as all the trauma staff gathered around the major's station.

“Have we got everyone here? Yes? Good.” Kyungsoo glanced up at everyone before pulling the sheet off the trauma call booklet.

“So it’s an eleven-year-old boy, he’s fallen off his pushbike and appears to have an open fracture to the lower leg. We’ll need paeds, someone from orthopaedics, and physio. ETA fifteen minutes.” He gave a small smile before, walking off, fast paced to go make calls.

The doctor’s chatted amongst themselves, and Yixing stood there awkwardly, playing with the hem of his shirt. He wasn’t really confident enough to strike up a conversation with them yet, so he just politely shuffled to the side, out of the way of everyone.

When the paramedic crew arrived with the boy, they proceeded to do the handover. Yixing had to pay close attention to handover to listen to the drugs that had already been given if any had. The paediatric doctor was stood at the front, listening intently. It wasn’t hard to spot him, his scrubs had red, green and yellow cars on. 

After the handover, the paramedic crews moved out, leaving the young boy on the bay bed. Doctors and nurses shuffled around, chatting to the boy, although he wasn’t crying, he seemed to be in shock. No one was letting him look at his leg because then he would probably start to panic. Open fractures were particularly grizzly, bones break and splinter, and then pierce through the skin, poking out. Risk of infection was high, surgery was almost certain.

Yixing didn’t have much to do until the main commotion passed, nurses left and quickly there was only the paediatric doctor, the orthopaedic surgeon and himself. The paediatric doctor was having a conversation with the boy, explaining to him what they were going to do. Yixing worked out dosage calculations from the boy's stats, half eavesdropping in on the conversation.

After retrieving some morphine and paracetamol, he returned. The paediatric doctor smiled as he approached, waiting for Yixing’s assessment. “I think it’s best to start him off with IV paracetamol, then top him up with morphine whenever he has to be moved.” He handed the glass bottles over to the doctor, before picking up the chart at the end of the bed to note down the times of doses.

“What’s that?” The boy asked, curiously looking at the bottles as Junmyeon and a female nurse set up the lines.

“These are called painkillers, they’re going to make you feel a lot better until you go in for surgery.” The doctor smiled, glancing down as he moved plastic tubing over the metal hooks of the IV pole.

The orthopaedic doctor took over, explaining what they’d be doing to his leg while in surgery. The child’s mother, who had joined them, listened carefully whilst stroking her son’s head. After finishing the notes, Yixing moved away from the bay to give them some privacy, the paediatric doctor also followed him out before pulling the blue curtains across.

He stepped over towards Yixing, with a gentle smile. “I don’t believe we’ve met before, are you new?”

Yixing returned the smile. “Yes, I just transferred yesterday, Zhang Yixing, and you?” He thrust his hand up for a handshake, feeling like a schoolboy trying to get approval from a teacher.

“Kim Junmyeon, I’m the paediatric trauma doctor for the ER. I have a feeling we’ll be working together a lot.” He took Yixing’s hand, giving it a firm shake.

“Oh most definitely, there’s been a lot of breaks and cuts for paediatrics so far.” Yixing tried to laugh but cursed at himself mentally when he laughed a bit louder than he felt he should have.

Junmyeon was about to reply, but his pager beeped. He just gave Yixing an awkward smile and bowed before reading the message and speeding off, leaving Yixing to think of how awkward he was around new people.

Their interaction stayed in the forefront of his mind for the rest of his shift, he promised himself when he got back to his apartment he would look into his mirror and practice casual conversations.

\--

Jongdae knew he was a walking cliche, he worked in a hospital but none of his habits helped his health. Coffee and barely any food, cigarettes and no vegetables. He wanted to care but he had no motivation, and until he found some he was going to enjoy his shitty, overpriced Starbucks and awful, possibly off-brand cigarettes, thank you very much.

It was hot and sticky outside, the rain that had been terrorising the hospital parking lot all morning had done nothing to clear the air, but it did make all the road surfaces slippy. Someone should probably do something about that.

The smoking shelter near the ER entrance was littered with cigarette butts and candy wrappers, of all different colours. Jongdae kicked some to the side to try to make it look better, but it didn't. His white shirt was sticking to his skin and he felt sweaty as fuck.  But at least the horrible weather was making people stay inside instead of coming outside to smoke, it was always awkward to see patients come out and smoke, especially when they were hooked up to oxygen tanks or walking with IV poles. It just always seemed wrong.

His stupid lighter wasn’t sparking up properly, he needed a new one, even cupping his hands over it didn’t work. After multiple attempts, he couldn’t light it, so he just stood there, taking a deep breath and trying not to have a mini freak out. 

“Need a light?” and Jongdae nearly screamed.

He must have started daydreaming, he had no idea that Tao had come into the smoking shelter, and it took him a couple of seconds to realise Tao didn’t have his standard issue paramedic shirt on.

Jongdae didn't even have to answer, he just placed the cigarette in his mouth and waited. Tao’s lighter was neon pink, but Jongdae didn’t ask, he just appreciated the gesture. After the first toke, he looked Tao up and down.

“Where’s your shirt?” He asked, taking a bit of a defensive stance.

Tao actually looked down at himself, groaning. “Just got off a job, someone had been stabbed in the leg, blood everywhere. I’m making Kris clean the back of the bus, I just needed some time to refocus.” 

When Tao glanced down, Jongdae’s eyes followed, his dark green trousers had gone brown in some places, he presumed it was blood. Jongdae genuinely couldn’t understand how paramedics could do what they do every day and still carry on, for twelve hours at a time. It sounded draining.

“That’s awful, are they okay?” Jongdae had suddenly lost interest in his cigarette.

Tao grimaced a bit. “I don’t know, we usually don’t find out unless we come back and nurses are on break and we can talk to them. But from the blood loss and the injury, my guess is no.” Tao nodded slightly, as Jongdae gawped at him.

“Damn…” Jongdae looked away.

“Yep.” Tao popped the p, before sitting down on the weird angled bench.

Jongdae silently offered the open cigarette carton to Tao, who laughed before taken one, Jongdae noticed his nails were stained dark. “Yeah, I think you need one more than I do.”

“Only sometimes, don’t tell Kris though.” He lit up, leaning back until his shoulders touched the plastic, sighing.

Jongdae perched himself on the bench next to Tao, they both silently stared at the ground, watching the rainwater rush past the kerbside into the drains. 

“How do you do it?” Jongdae turned to face Tao, cigarette nearly spent.

“Do what?” Tao ran a hand through his hair, a dyed dirty blonde, Jongdae thought he looked like some movie star that was off of the set on a break.

“You know, your job, how do you handle the pressure?” Jongdae did some weird hand move, accidentally flicking ash onto his black work trousers.

He expected a smooth, clean cut answer. Tao must be asked this kind of question so many times, there’s no way he hadn’t. But instead he kind of hummed, looking up to the sky for a few seconds, looking somewhat sad.

“Honestly, I don’t know. I mean, I see so much shit, and I’ve been asked why I do this job, but I don’t really have a good answer.” 

Jongdae just nodded, furrowing his eyebrows and looking at the floor. “It’s a scary job.”

“Yeah, and someone has to do it. Every job I have I give it my all, because at the end of the day if it doesn’t work, I can know I did everything I could possibly do to give them the best chance, and it helps. Unfortunately, I can’t fix everything.”

“You can try, though.” Jongdae smiled, stubbing out the cigarette on the bench.

“I can, and I do. It’s worth it, really.” Tao smiled back.

Jongdae sighed, his break was over and he knew Baekhyun would be getting mad at being the only person on the reception desk. “I better go back before Baek comes out to find me.” 

“Yeah, I better go help clean or Kris will get into a bad mood, he hates cleaning.” Tao took a pack of gum from his packet, taking three out and putting them in his mouth at once. “He also hates the smell of smoke.”

“Just say it was from me if he wants to fight me he can.” Jongdae joked, before stepping out into the rain, waving back at Tao and jogging back inside.

Tao didn’t want to go back to the ambulance, but he knew he had to eventually. He had to get another shirt from the base, but he was kind of enjoying just wearing his white vest. The humidity was off the charts and the AC in the ambulance cab was awful like someone was just blowing on you. He couldn’t wait to go home and have a cool shower and just lay in his room with some nice, crisp air conditioning.

Tao popped bubbles with his gum, enjoying the sound of the smack as well as the light drops of rain as they hit the smoking shelter. But his little moment of peace was short-lived, once again.

Kris came up by the side of the shelter, he didn't even bother coming in because he was already a mess, Tao wasn’t even close to him and he could already smell the harsh disinfectant chemicals coming from him. “Hey.”

“Hey. You finished?” Switching to Mandarin.

“Uh yeah mostly, we both need to clean ourselves up before we go green again.” Kris nodded looking enthusiastic, drumming his fingers on the side of the smoking shelter.

“Sure, let’s go.” Tao out of habit dusted himself down, before bracing for the rain.

After a quick wash and wipe down with sterile soaps, both of them were ready to go again, Tao was wearing some paramedic issue t-shirt until he could go back to base and collect his spare work shirt. As both of them were lacing up their boots, Tao quickly glanced at his watch, seeing that it had only taken them 10 minutes to get clean and dressed. Tao was about to tell Kris how little time it took them for once, when one of the doctors from the ER came to both of them, Tao only had to look at his shoes to know it was Sehun.

“Hey guys, I wanted to catch you before you went back on shift.” Sehun exhaled, trying to hide the fact that he was out of breath.

“Hey, what’s up?” Kris answered. 

Tao swallowed nervously, it was unusual for a doctor to come find them like this.

“Your guy didn’t make it, but his wife wanted me to come down and say thank you to you both for everything you did.” Sehun bowed to them both, before dashing back off in the direction he came from.

He knew it. “Well, that fucking sucks.” Tao sighed.

Kris wrapped an arm around his shoulders, patting him and pulling him close. “Hey, we did what we could, like we always do.”


	5. Tylenol Cold & Flu

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I present - a filler chapter. Don't worry! The next one will be full of goodness. Please comment!
> 
> Warnings: Mentions of hospitals and illnesses

Sehun’s Saturday morning had actually started off good, after having his car in the shop during the week he’d finally got it back, and had a pleasant drive to work. For once it seemed like all the traffic lights were working with him instead of against him, and by some amazing streak of luck, he’d managed to get a parking spot close to the ER entrance. 

Despite the weather being warm and sticky, typical of the middle of summer, Sehun was wearing a hoodie. His mom had had the air conditioning on so low for the whole night that when he stepped out of the shower he felt like his whole body was going to turn into a block of ice, and he hadn’t managed to warm up yet. It hadn’t reached the point in the morning where the sun was up high enough to warm them all up.

He greeted the elderly maintenance lady as he walked through the ER entrance, and waved to Baekhyun and Jongdae who were looking a little bored. The physiotherapy guy Chanyeol was there at the doctor’s station looking drained, he must have been there overnight. Dipping into the cloakroom, Sehun stripped of his hoodie, swapping his sneakers for the ugly but comfy shoes his mom makes him wear. He’d not brought any lunch today, seeing as though the meat Sehun had bought to make kimbap had been fed to his mom’s stupid cat because she ran out of treats for him. Sehun was really beginning to resent that cat. He was slowly but surely replacing Sehun as the favourite of the house.

The coffee machine in the break room had been fixed, but unfortunately, it now made stupid beeping noises. Sehun didn’t know why, and there was no way anyone in the department could make it stop. Despite being able to fix humans, they couldn’t fix machines. He wasn’t in desperate need of coffee right now, but he knew he would be later, so he thought it best to start early. 

Cup in hand, he wandered over to the doctor’s station, spotting Minseok. But for once, the resident didn’t look that happy, in fact, he looked a little bit on edge. Nevertheless, Sehun gave him a cheery greeting.

“Morning, Minseok. How was your vacation?” Sehun smiled.

Minseok took a deep breath. “It was great, apart from the fact my darling boyfriend wanted to take all the stray dogs back with us.” 

Sehun laughed awkwardly. “You don’t really look as happy as you should for someone who just had a two-week vacation in Europe..” 

Minseok looked mad, like actually mad. Sehun towered over him but he still felt vulnerable. Minseok was the type of doctor that needed routine, and he liked order. Maybe the vacation threw him off?

“That’s because I’m not, Sehun. Kyungsoo called in sick.”

And Sehun’s happy start to the day came to a crashing, burning end.

“What do you mean he’s sick? Has he not come in? What’s wrong with him?” Sehun could feel himself panic.

It was a Saturday, one of the busiest days ever. Even though it was day shift, it got busy. Kids injuring themselves, traffic accidents, and so much more. Sehun felt himself shudder at the thought of doing the whole shift without Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo was the unsung hero of the emergency department; he kept the whole place running even when the pressure was at its highest. Kyungsoo hadn’t taken a day off in so long, Sehun couldn’t even remember the last time the senior nurse was sick. He must have been really sick to actually call in…

“I don’t know, he didn’t say. But that’s not even the worst part.”

Sehun cringed.

“Nurse Kang is his temporary replacement.”

Sehun wished he’d not come in.

Nurse Kang was… a problem. She was teetering on the edge of retirement, and bitter. If you called her by her first name, she shouted at you. Sehun couldn’t even remember her name, he’d blocked it out. She was short and stocky, like a typical mean grandma. But the worst part was that her memory was… not what it used to be. Shifts with nurse Kang felt like they went on for hours and hours.

“Why did I agree to take this shift?” Sehun looked up, speaking to himself.

From looking around the department, he could see that she wasn't in majors. He wasn’t sure if that was better or worse. Doctor’s didn’t realise how heavily they relied on the nurses until they suddenly weren’t available. Sehun really missed Kyungsoo right now. 

\--

Jongdae was a second away from quitting his job.

He’d been here a whole ten minutes and he’d already been shouted at by the stupid night shift doctor for apparently not triaging patients properly yesterday and leaving a backlog. How was that his fault? He was the damn receptionist, not the triage nurse. Plus when has there ever been a Friday where they’re not busy?

The truth was he didn’t really want to be an ER receptionist for the rest of his life. He’d really just taken this job to save up enough money to go to nursing school. But turns out living in the city was a lot more expensive than he’d initially thought, and he’d still not managed to save up enough funds to cover school fees, let alone enough to live while he was studying. He was getting restless, demotivated, and feeling like maybe nursing wasn’t really for him.

“Hey, sorry I’m late,” Baekhyun said gently, taking the seat next to him and letting out a big sigh.

Then, suddenly, Jongdae felt a little bit better.

“What’s up with you?” He asked, turning away from Baekhyun to hide the smile.

And that was it, Baekhyun rested his chin in his palms, and he was in full gossip mode. Work? Work who?

“Well as you know I had a date last night.”  
   
Ah yes, Jongdae knew, and he totally didn’t want to think about it, so he just hummed in acknowledgement. 

Baekhyun sighed again, and Jongdae knew it was just for dramatic effect. “Well they turned out to be boring and harboured more daddy issues than I could handle, so I won’t be going for a second date.” 

Jongdae just nodded. It wasn’t some kind of secret that Baekhyun liked to date, liked to experiment, it was common knowledge. Admittedly he’d been hearing more bad reviews than good reviews recently, but Jongdae just put that down to the fact that Baekhyun was running out of Grindr matches to go out with, he must really be scraping the barrel right now. Jongdae had had a grand total of 2 dates.

In the last 3 years.

“Oh, that’s a shame I guess.” He shrugged, focussing on logging onto the computer in front of him. 

Baekhyun must have picked up on the fact that Jongdae wasn’t really in the mood to play along with him today because instead of pestering Jongdae like he normally would, he also logged into his computer. In fact, he didn’t even say anything to Jongdae for a whole hour, the only exception being to ask for a pen and to deal with patients.

The silence was deafening, Jongdae didn't like it. He was still in charge of dealing with phone calls ever since Baekhyun’s hissy fit the week before. Hearing his own voice for a whole hour was awful, and he was about to go for a break when Baekhyun finally broke his silence.

“Jongdae… when was the last time you had a night out?” Turning the office chair to face Jongdae, a cold, calculating look on his face.

Jongdae swallowed. “Uh, I don’t know I can’t remember.” 

Baekhyun clapped loud enough to wake up one of the old men in the seating area. “And THAT is a problem. If you can’t remember when it was clearly too long ago.” 

It was true. Jongdae hadn’t been to a nightclub in a while. It wasn’t that he didn’t like it because he always liked the music and of course he liked the drinks. It’s just every night seemed to blur into one, because every single one played out the same. He turned up, he got drunk, he danced, then he started to sober up and realised how lonely he was. Then he usually called an uber and left, crying into a bowl of leftover takeout while watching old reruns of soap operas and telemarketing commercials.

Wow, now that he thought about it, it was really depressing.

“You know what, you’re right.” Jongdae nodded, pointing at Baekhyun.

“Do you know what we need?” An evil smile on his lips. “We need a night out.”

“Tonight, we both have tomorrow off so we can recover. Let’s do this.” Jongdae faced Baekhyun, pinkie finger held out.

And with that it was sealed, Jongdae realised it may not be the best idea, but fuck it. He needed to let off some steam, dance to some heavy bass and eat bad street food. He deserved it after working so hard for so long.

Baekhyun was literally about to ask Jongdae what he was going to wear, but he was interrupted by Sehun, who looked like he was on the verge of tears as his shoes slid on the linoleum and he gripped onto the reception desk.

“Have you seen an old man?” Huffing and out of breath, he glared at the two of them.

Baekhyun and Jongdae looked at each other. “You need to be more specific.” Baekhyun drawled, giving Sehun a very bitchy look.

Sehun ran his hands through his hair, pushing it back. “Hospital gown, white hair. I don’t know he’s an old guy called Mr Park!”

Baekhyun cleared his throat, smiling at Sehun, sickly sweet. “Ah, Sehun. Do you know how many old men I see within any given time frame?” 

Maybe it was the feeling of panic, but Sehun clearly didn’t pick up on the sarcasm heavy question. “Uh, no?”.

“Too many.” Baekhyun tilted his head slightly.

Sehun scowled at him, shoulders slumping. “Kyungsoo is off sick and Minseok can’t cope, he turned around to make a phone call to get Mr Park to a general ward and out of the ER, but when he turned around he’d wandered off. He’s got dementia, guys! This isn’t funny.”

“Wait, wait. You’re telling me you lost a whole ass person?” Jongdae was stuck between panic and disbelief. Of course, this type of thing would happen when Kyungsoo wasn’t in, it always did. Maybe Kyungsoo was a secret good omen which kept all the bad luck away from the emergency department…

“He wandered off… Nurse Kang was telling me off and no one saw where he went.” Jongdae almost felt bad, Sehun looked and sounded like he felt it was his fault.

“Genuinely, we haven’t seen anyone wander out of the door in a hospital gown,” Baekhyun said, softer this time. He probably felt bad for being bitchy as usual.

Sehun didn’t react, he just looked more dejected. How could they just completely misplace a human being? They were all responsible for his well being, but Sehun couldn’t help but feel personally responsible for it.

“I’ll help you look,” Jongdae said, before tapping his keyboard, logging off and standing up. 

“Thank you, I owe you one. Can we check outside please?” 

His response was silent, but both of them started to speed walk in the direction of the large automatic door exit. Baekhyun didn’t say a thing, but looked up the connection for the security camera room, slowly punching the numbers into the ancient phone, before waiting to connect, pouting as he waited.

“Oh hi, this is Baekhyun from ER reception, could you keep a look out for an elderly gentleman in a gown?” Just hearing the words out loud made Baekhyun wish he didn’t have this job. He needed a cocktail.

\--

Tylenol, lemon and honey, hot water bottle, cooling head patch, three boxes of tissues, tomato soup and crackers.

This was the exciting times of Kyungsoo’s life right now.

He knew he was getting sick yesterday, that telltale achy feeling in his joints didn’t go away after a hot bath like he’d hoped. He knew then he was screwed. He’d spent a sleepless night unable to breathe through his nose before he admitted that he was definitely sick, and called into work. He hated taking time off work, especially when he was sick. He didn’t spend much time at home in the first place so it’s not like he had ways of entertaining himself, he had no DVDs, no TV, no games consoles. Being sick was just a massive inconvenience to himself and all his colleagues. 

He was bored.

He’d been on his couch for far too long, he needed to pee but whenever he moved he got a head rush. He’d initially thought his headache was from dehydration, but he was wrong because the annoying, throbbing pain was still there, and now he kept needing to piss. A mistake.

He was very tempted to text Sehun, ask him if he could maybe bring him some more Tylenol, the cold and flu one with those day and night capsules. He was pretty sure he was going to run out before he was up and about and able to go to the pharmacy, and he wasn’t about to suffer through another night of not being able to breathe properly and waking up with a dry mouth. But then he remembered Sehun was actually going to be working today, and then he remembered Minseok had just come back from vacation, and he felt even worse. He sent Sehun a text regardless, promising to buy him something in return for the favour, it was a long shot but he was a desperate man.

He really wanted some porridge, not the rice kind but the one with finely milled oats and lots of sugar. He knew sugar wouldn’t be very good for him but the thought of salty foods made him feel sick, he'd eaten too many crackers.

His laptop was on the coffee table, playing some random show on Netflix. Realistically he wanted to be in his bed, but his wifi was shitty and didn’t reach his room. He would rather sacrifice some comfort for good wifi signal especially now he was halfway through a season of Black Mirror. His apartment was sweltering hot, but he was still shivering, and he hated it. A warm drink and several blankets were required.

Putting the kettle on, he prepped some ginger and lemon. For someone who worked in the medical field, he relied heavily on home remedies, something his mother had ingrained into him from a very young age. She always made sure that Kyungsoo had basic ingredients in his house just in case. Lemon and honey as an antibacterial, ginger as an anti-inflammatory and antioxidant. While cold and flu medications helped you feel better, they don’t cure you, they just treat your symptoms, Kyungsoo knew it was a case of just waiting it out until he wasn’t infectious anymore.

After finally going to the bathroom and finishing his hot drink, he wrapped up with extra blankets. His soft blanket on first, then the weird itchy one his mother bought him on the outside. They smelled kind of weird because Kyungsoo kept them on the back of the sofa and everything in his living room always ended up smelling of food, unintentionally. He didn’t know why but it smelt homely, and he ended up falling asleep.

As he slept, somewhat uncomfortably, it started to rain. His apartment had weird windows which were at an angle, giving it a bit of a cosy feeling. The raindrops were loud and persistent, but they didn’t disturb him. The bright sunshine skies had turned gloomy, and soon became dark, but the rain continued. When he finally stirred, he thought he’d only slept for maybe twenty minutes, but it turns out he’d slept for a whole hour and a half.

He woke up with an intense craving for hot soup, he wasn’t sure what type. Something creamy and with mild flavouring. His mother would know, but he didn’t really cook as much as he used to and he didn’t really trust his cooking abilities at the moment. Though his head was hurting bad, the hour and a bit of sleep had helped. He felt a little bit more rested, more lucid. He could really do with some pills though, ginger and lemon wasn’t magic.

He checked his phone, one eye closed because the screen was too bright. Smiling, he realised Sehun had replied saying he’d get him some pills, but he didn’t give a time. Kyungsoo had only memorised his rota, not anyone else's. Well maybe he’d memorised someone else's but he wasn’t going to think about that right now.

It was 6, so he wouldn’t have to wait long. Unless Sehun was being kept late for some reason, but Kyungsoo couldn’t really think of one. Saturdays were the busiest day of the week for obvious reasons, but unless there was a multi-car pile-up with several casualties and they needed all hands on deck, they wouldn’t keep the junior doctor around. 

To pass the time he watched some youtube videos, some memes, some news clips, music videos. It was all inane garbage but at least it kept him distracted. If he was being honest, he felt like he was freezing, but he could feel sweat droplets on his forehead, which was not a good sign. He slowly sat up, giving himself some time to adjust before shuffling off to the bathroom. He turned the light on and actually gasped at his appearance. He was pale, slick with sweat and he looked tired as shit. Like he genuinely didn’t realise how bad he looked in that moment, and he was shocked. He splashed his face with some cold water, wishing it would just fix everything. The bathroom was way too cold to be standing in for too long, or at least he thought it was since he was running a high fever.

As he was shuffling back to his spot on the couch, blankets and all, there was a light knocking on his door. Luckily he didn't give a shit about what Sehun thought about his appearance, so he went straight to the door, taking the bolt off and unlocking it before-

“Hey, Kyungsoo.” 

There stood Kim Jongin.


	6. I'm Ready For Your Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Ahhh, me too Jongdae, I too know the effects of way too many apple cîroc shots... I'm not sure where this all came from, I just wanted to write about Jongdae and Baekhyun in a nightclub, it was soooo fun to write. I've linked the songs that I was listening to when writing this if anyone wants to listen, I listen to a lot of house music (UK) alongside the kpop, it's not to everyone's taste but hey! its sets the vibe. Please comment and let me know what you think, I love reading all the things you guys say. I also have a tumblr (@silkykjm) if anyone is interested in chatting with me a bit! shoot me a message! Until next time guys x

**T/W: Alcohol mention**

 

 

“Hey, Kyungsoo”

Obviously, not Sehun, and not what Kyungsoo was expecting, so the reaction was an instantaneous one. He slammed the door shut. How could Sehun do this to him? That little brat. Why couldn’t he just come himself? Why did he have to send Jongin?

Oh god. Kyungsoo looked like death and his colleague was outside, and he’d just slammed the door in his face. He cursed, before opening the door again, Jongin looked shocked, a little bit confused, his mouth hanging open. Kyungsoo had no idea what to say, but he covered half of his face with a blanket, just looking at Jongin.

He was beyond embarrassed. How did someone recover from this? “I am so sorry, I didn’t mean to slam the door like that!” Kyungsoo said, but his voice was muffled by the blanket.

Jongin laughed a bit. “Are you okay?” 

Realistically, no, he wasn’t. He was sick, tired, and Sehun had tricked him. 

“I’m okay, oh god, please come in.” Kyungsoo was panicking, he shuffled back and opened the door wider.

Jongin stepped inside, he was still dressed in his work clothes, smart light blue shirt and work pants. He was carrying his normal work bag, some over the shoulder thing, and another one, a white plastic bag with a pharmacy logo on the front. Kyungsoo didn’t want to stare, but he noticed Jongin had beads of sweat forming on his forehead, and his hair was a bit messy, not quite the usual pristine condition.

“Sehun was busy, he asked me to come and deliver this for you. Did he not tell you I was coming?” Jongin gently placed his work bag down on the single chair in the lounge set. 

Kyungsoo sighed. “No.” 

Jongin nodded slowly. “Ah.”

He watched as Jongin looked around his living room with an innocent curiosity, and Kyungsoo felt unbelievably self-conscious. Sehun coming over? He didn’t give a shit, he didn’t need to clean for that idiot. Anyone else? He turns into that guy in the video saying the house needed to look like “Disney on ice in 1 minute”. Normally his house was relatively clean, but he’d been working a lot recently and now that he was sick there were dirty bowls and cups on his coffee table and a box of tissues next to the garbage can, positioned next to the couch he was napping on for his convenience.

For some reason, Jongin was slowly petting the fluffy spread that Kyungsoo had on the single seat. Kyungsoo had never felt so awkward in his life, what was he even supposed to do in this situation? There was a neurosurgeon in his house stroking his furniture?

“Would you like a drink? I have some tea…” and Kyungsoo felt himself just trail off, Jongin suddenly stopped touching the chair, looking up at Kyungsoo and giving him a gentle smile.

“That’s okay, I brought you the medicine though so you should have one. Sit! I’ll make it.” 

Startled, Kyungsoo allowed Jongin to come and physically guide him to sit on the sofa, right next to the tissues. How was he allowing this to happen? In his own damn home? He dares not say anything, he just watched silently as Jongin moved back and retrieved his plastic pharmacy bag, before wandering into Kyungsoo’s kitchen space.

Turning to look made Kyungsoo’s neck hurt, so he didn’t bother. He could hear the loud, weird noise of his electric kettle boiling, and the clinking of crockery. He hadn’t been looked after when he was sick since he’d moved out of his mother’s house, so he wasn’t going to refuse the special treatment. But it just felt weird that someone who was technically a higher ranking than him was making him a drink. 

Jongin returned, a cup and bowl in each hand, both had steam rising. His work shirt sleeves were rolled up, and Kyungsoo couldn’t help but stare at the skin as Jongin handed him the dish. Rice porridge with veggies. 

He placed the mug down gently, and on a coaster. He handed over a bright and colourful box, Tylenol Cold and Flu, the day and night tablets, Kyungsoo smiled gently, looking up and thanking him, enjoying the warm feeling from the bowl.

“I thought you might need something to eat, so I stopped to get you this, I hope it’s okay.” Instead of sitting, Jongin took all of the dirty mugs and bowls that Kyungsoo had lazily left on the coffee table, and went back into the kitchen. Kyungsoo felt his cheeks warm up, and he distracted himself by playing with his food, his sense of smell was kind of off, but the steam rising from it helped to clear his blocked nose. He tasted it, it almost tasted homemade. He smiled, a warm feeling in his stomach.

He guessed Jongin was washing his dishes, so he felt a bit guilty. What had he done to warrant this kind and warm behaviour? Maybe he wouldn’t chastise Sehun after all. Jongin brought him food and cleaned, Sehun usually makes fun of his house and his lack of technology.

He’d gotten through half the porridge before he even knew it, it was perfect. The right texture and flavour, and gentle on the stomach. Jongin came back after a short while. “Is it okay?”

Kyungsoo nodded, finishing his mouthful. “It’s really good, you didn’t have to do all this though, you must be tired.”

Jongin just waved him off. “You’re sick, it’s the least I could do. Oh!” Jongin suddenly started patting at his pockets, finding his wallet. He opened it, pulling out a white card, checking it over before handing it over to Kyungsoo. “This is my number, if you need anything or if you’re just bored and want to talk, text me.’

Slowly, he reached out and took the card, he made eye contact with him as he did so, the main light for the living room was right above Jongin’s head. At the angle Kyungsoo could see from, it made Jongin look like he had a halo, which to be honest, Kyungsoo wouldn’t even be surprised if Jongin was an angel…

“Thank you, so much,” Kyungsoo said, he surprised himself with the softness of his own voice.

Jongin nodded, moving to pick up his bag. “I better let you get some rest, take care Kyungsoo.” He gave a small wave, and with that, he was gone.

Kyungsoo let out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding in. He felt… very at peace? Though he was nervous when Jongin was in his apartment, he’d left this positive energy in the place, and he’d brought Kyungsoo food… it was a warm, pleasant feeling.

He couldn’t stop smiling for the rest of the evening, he even fell asleep with a soft, happy expression. The Tylenol night-time tablets helped with that, though.

\--

Now, Jongdae didn’t want anyone getting the wrong idea, he was still poor as fuck, but one of the only things he could do well was make cheap garments look expensive. He’d been checking himself out in the mirror for a good 10 minutes, he’d dressed in all black, a loose fitted silky shirt, first few buttons undone of course. Some black pants which he did actually wear to work, but it was dark in clubs so no one even cared about pants, topping it all off with the most expensive pair of shoes he owned. Okay, maybe he’d splashed out a bit on those, but shoes make a man.

Makeup wasn’t normally his thing, but for nights out he couldn’t help but do a bit. He didn’t spend his spare time watching makeup tutorials for nothing. Smokey eyeliner with maybe just a little bit of shimmer for his skin. He looked gorgeous, delicious, ethereal. 

He took a couple of selfies, showing off his style and showing off his face, he usually took side profile pictures as they showed off his jawline the best. Before he could take more, he got a text from Baekhyun, he was outside in the taxi.

He swiped his wallet and cigarettes, before dashing out of the door. The taxi ride was funny, for Jongdae. Baekhyun had already had a drink at his apartment, and he’d made the driver put pop songs on the radio so he could sing. His wonderful work colleague was wearing some kind of black tank top which was definitely more sheer than anything, and a hefty amount of silver jewellery. 

The club that Baekhyun picked was the only one with pink neon lights adorning the building front, ‘Sugar’. Jongdae didn’t really have a preference, he was going to get the same effect regardless of which club they went into. It was a humid night, so there were several young people dressed in barely anything, to be honest, Baekhyun was one of them, but Jongdae would never complain. He hated that they had to dress in smart clothes for work, there was only so much wank bank material you could get from seeing hands. Though Baekhyun actually had some really beautiful hands-

His train of thought was interrupted by Baekhyun grabbing his wrist, and pulling him along the sidewalk towards the club entrance. As they got closer, he could hear the bass, louder and stronger. Baekhyun looked back at him briefly, smiling, Jongdae wanted to die. He couldn’t help but admire the glittery black and red eyeshadow that Baekhyun had chose to wear that night, it looked almost professional.

They paid their entry fee and went straight to the bar. It wasn’t really late so it wasn’t full yet, but they wanted to drink a lot. Then by the time most of the people would be there, they’d be drunk and able to dance in peace. There weren’t any seats with this bar, so they stood, ordering just a few shots to start off with.

After taking three of the four shots, Baekhyun held the last one up in the air, Jongdae joined him. “To a night so good we don’t remember it tomorrow.”

Oh, Jongdae would definitely toast to that.

They continued drinking, chatting casually before the music got too loud. They ordered more shots, Jongdae wasn’t sure what it was but it tastes like some liquorice type thing. Then they moved onto cocktails, Baekhyun wanted a Pornstar Martini but Jongdae was thinking more Long Island Iced Tea. By the time they’d decided on what to have, Jongdae was beginning to feel a bit… tipsy.

The flashing lights and coloured spotlights were mainly pink and blue in colour, but they occasionally flash bright white right by the bar, illuminating Baekhyun’s face, his blue contact lenses and his slightly flushed cheeks. He knew Baek was well on his way to being drunk, from the way he kept swaying and then leaning on the bar. So Jongdae decided to take the initiative, grabbing his drink in one hand and then Baekhyun’s arm in the other. 

The sat down somewhere close to the dance floor, which was filling up nicely. Jongdae was definitely beginning to feel the beat of the song, bopping his head to the rhythm while sipping his cocktail. At first, it tasted way too strong, but now he couldn’t even taste how strong the alcohol content was, probably should worry him but he paid for it so he was going to finish it regardless.

It was safe to say that Baekhyun was… definitely beginning to feel the effects of his drink. He’d kind of slumped down in his seat, cocktail glass angled to his mouth and for some reason he was tonguing at the ice cubes remaining. Jongdae swallowed, this wouldn’t be an issue to him normally but the fact that Baekhyun’s legs were spread wide open was making it a problem.

When the floor started to fill up more, Baekhyun decided it was time to dance, dragging Jongdae with him. His body felt loose, as he stepped onto the dancefloor he could feel his head tilting backwards, unable to keep himself properly upright.

Jongdae had no idea what the [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8B93tgRxMuE) was that was playing, but apparently, Baekhyun did. It was low, some English singer was repeating the same words over and over, but Jongdae could only recognise the word “love”. The drop wasn’t intense, but he liked the way Baekhyun swayed his hips, moving his hands to the rhythm. He mouthed along to the words, maintaining eye contact with Jongdae the whole time, and to be honest, this is the happiest Jongdae had felt in weeks.

The concept of time was gone, he felt like things were going slower than normal, and he didn’t mind at all. He could drink in this sight of Baekhyun, a little bit sweaty and dressed in black, dancing and smiling at him all night.The song shifted smoothly, and Jongdae glanced over to the DJ, some lady in a red dress, focussed but also nodding her head to the beat. Turning back to face Baekhyun gave him a head rush, and he noticed his peripheral vision was blurry.

He knew this [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IIsWmB28AdM), he’d played it before while moping about in his apartment, it was Western but he’d looked up translations. He noticed Baekhyun get giddy. “I love this song!” He shouted, grabbing onto Jongdae’s shoulders and shaking him slightly, which made Jongdae go dizzy.

_“I often tell myself that we could be more than just friends,_  
I know you think that if we move too soon it will all end,  
I live in misery when you’re not around,  
I won’t be satisfied until we’ve taken those vows”

And he didn’t know how, but he was singing it, loud, but not loud enough that people could hear. He was even dancing, admittedly not great because there was hardly any space, but he was loving it. Baekhyun was such a good dancer, it was like he would adapt to any song, no matter what beat was being played.

Jongdae had closed his eyes, enjoying the music, when he felt Baekhyun take hold of his hands, coaxing Jongdae to dance with him. Jongdae tried to join but maybe those shots of … Sambuca? Was it sambuca? He’d probably had too many of those and he was really unsteady on his feet.

_“What’s it gonna be ‘cause I can’t pretend,_  
Don’t you want to be more than friends?  
Hold me tight and don’t let go”

Maybe it was the music, or maybe it was the extreme levels of alcohol in his system at that exact moment, but he all of a sudden felt like being… honest. They don’t call alcohol ‘liquid courage’ for nothing. He wanted to tell Baekhyun how much he really cared for him, and if he was feeling really lucky he would say that he thinks Baekhyun is really fucking hot. But there was no way he could do it in here, it was too noisy.

Baekhyun was enjoying himself, lip syncing and dancing. Jongdae tapped him on the shoulder, giving a rather sloppy gesture of lifting a cigarette to his mouth, he needed to go outside. Baekhyun just mouthed okay, hooking his arm with Jongdae as they slowly made their way through the crowds of people, bumping into most of them, making them turn and give Jongdae and Baekhyun an odd look.

The not so fresh air was nice, cooler than it was inside but quite thick with the heavy smell of smoke. Jongdae obviously wasn’t really bothered by it.

He slapped at his pockets, finding his rather sorry looking, crushed carton. Baekhyun was stood observing everyone as Jongdae lit up, enjoying the nicotine. “You drunk?” he says to Baek, careful to turn his head to blow smoke away from him.

The other just hummed. “I think I am, that cocktail was kind of strong, you?”

“I can’t feel my teeth.”

Baekhyun nodded. “I’ll take that as a yes. Can I take a drag?” He wiggled his eyebrows at Jongdae, who frowned.

“I thought you didn’t smoke? I don’t want to be a bad influence on you.” 

“Well, if you’re going to say no then I’m just gonna go to someone else,” Baekhyun said, a playful smirk on her lips. He was about to turn to find someone when Jongdae, for some reason, grabbed Baekhyun’s waist and pulled him… a bit too close…

They were practically chest to chest, Jongdae’s cigarette abandoned in his free hand. Baekhyun had this… adorable smirk as he stared at Jongdae. Maybe thinking and Baekhyun for so long had messed up his mind, or maybe the alcohol was making him see things, but he swore he could see stars in Baek’s eyes. He could feel Baekhyun’s breath on his face, smelling sweet like those horrible cocktails he liked.

This was it, it was now or never. He could tell him how he feels, hey maybe Baekhyun felt the same, they could be happy together working and enjoying each others company and maybe doing some other sinful stuff but Jongdae wasn’t trying to think about that right now. Even though he had his hand on Baek’s hip, dangerously close to-

Jongdae physically shook his head, trying to rid himself of those naughty thoughts. He took a deep breath, tried to will his heart to stop beating so fast. “Baekhyun, I’ve been wanting to say this for a while but-”

“Oh my god! Baekhyun? Jongdae?” Oh oh, sweet Jesus. Of course, it would be Chanyeol. Always is.

Baekhyun quickly stepped away from Jongdae, giving another big smile to Chanyeol as the taller, more annoying male came forward and joined their little circle. Mouth open, half annoyed and half upset that that bastard had ruined his moment, Jongdae quickly shoved his half-spent cigarette into his mouth to stop himself from saying something he knew he would regret.

Chanyeol was chatting to Baekhyun, Jongdae was tuning it out. The stupid, tall idiot was saying something about how he’d come out with some friends but some had already left. He asked to join them, Baekhyun, of course, said yes, but Jongdae wanted to scream no. There wasn’t enough of his cigarette left to cover the awkward moment.

He really didn’t like how close Chanyeol was standing to Baekhyun. He didn’t like it all. He especially didn't like that Chanyeol was dressed head to toe in designer clothes, and smelling of some ridiculous, probably expensive aftershave. Jongdae was seething inside. 

They somehow ended going back inside together, and Chanyeol of course suggested some shots. Jongdae was verging on faking illness and leaving, he didn’t want to be around this, his plan went fucking wrong and it sobered him up. He was stupid, his whole idea was a mistake, agreeing to come out was a mistake. He was left with two options.

He went with option two.

Chanyeol offered to pay for a round of shots, pulling out some expensive looking leather wallet. Jongdae asked for double. Baekhyun gave him a little bit of a look, but Jongdae just shook it off, saying he wanted to party. Chanyeol ordered some apple cîroc, Jongdae raged silently, how dare he order Jongdae’s favourite drink which he couldn’t even afford to buy for himself.

Then, of course, the next couple of hours were a massive blur.

There was some dancing, bad dancing, and possibly some singing. At one point Jongdae had fallen into someone, a rather large and muscular looking man who didn’t take too kindly to his drink being spilt. Jongdae, naturally, thought he could take him in a fight, moving forward aggressively before Chanyeol pulled him away and apologised. He wasn’t about to let Jongdae get beaten up.

Jongdae essentially drowned his sorrows in booze, ending up borderline paralytic and getting some questionable looks from the bartender as he orders more. Baekhyun wasn’t doing so well himself, but he’d had to slow down because Jongdae was becoming increasingly reliant on Baekhyun and Chanyeol for stability. Chanyeol just laughed as Jongdae knocked a glass out of Baekhyun’s hand.

His words were slurred, his vision unstable and his legs like jelly. The filter between his brain and his mouth had gone too, and boy did he have some choice things to say. 

As Jongdae confessed his love for all BDSM related porn to Chanyeol, Baekhyun made the executive decision that it was time to go. The cooler air did nothing to sober up the drunk mess than Chanyeol was now carrying, Jongdae had his head resting on his shoulder, mumbling all kinds of ridiculous stuff.

The wait for taxis was long, so the ended up sitting on the kerb, well, two of them did, as Jongdae was laid out between them, half passed out. Chanyeol and Baekhyun were definitely enjoying this side of Jongdae, and they were definitely enjoying how honest he’d become. Especially as they quizzed him on some rather… personal topics.

“So, how was it losing your virginity?” Baekhyun asked, as he softly played with Jongdae’s hair, brushing it out of his eyes, not that it made a difference, he’d had them shut for the last twenty minutes. 

Jongdae made a noise, sounding a little bit like a whine. “I lasted two minutes and the girl got upset, I cried after she left but no one knows this!”

Chanyeol was silently laughing as Baekhyun continued.

“Oh, so you like girls?” 

“I like boys and girls, but I like boys more.”

They both nodded, that's fair enough. Not that Baekhyun could see the appeal in girls, but it was all about personal preferences.

“How long has it been since you got laid?” Chanyeol baited, and Jongdae being the idiot that he is, took it.

“Nearly a year, it’s a big problem. My dick is so neglected, Chanyeol.” This was met with a chorus of ‘aww’s from the two of them.

“How have you gone that long without sex? That’s like against some human rights law, I’m sure.” Baekhyun couldn't possibly understand.

“A lot of porn, and some crying.” 

They both nodded in acknowledgement.

Luckily a taxi came before the conversation could get any deeper, Jongdae wasn’t sure how efficient his lie was because he couldn’t really see or articulate words very well at this point. It didn’t matter how drunk he was, he was never going to truly admit that he’d abstained from sex because he couldn’t even enjoy it because of how he truly felt about Baekhyun. He really hated Chanyeol in that moment, but he couldn’t really now especially after he’d literally carried him and looked after him in his state. Oh god, he’d made a total fool out of himself.

“Honestly, I had no idea you had it in you, Jongdae! We should all go out together sometime, it’d be so much fun.” Chanyeol enthused, before being dropped off first. Jongdae thanked whatever god was listening to him at that point, he didn’t want to be left alone with the man, he’d probably cry. He was slumped over onto Baekhyun’s shoulder, mainly because Baekhyun had been playing with his hair and he really liked it, but also because if he moved he’d probably throw up.

“M’sorry,” Jongdae mumbled, right into Baekhyun’s arm.

“Sorry for what?” 

“Being a drunk mess.”

At that, Baekhyun laughed. “Don’t be sorry! You obviously needed to get it out of your system, plus I got some great pictures of you to use as blackmail material.” Jongdae groaned.

“Throw up on me and I’ll leave you on the sidewalk to die.”

“I won’t, just don’t move.” He didn’t want the taxi ride to end, he just wanted to stay like this with Baekhyun forever.

Of course, with Jongdae’s absolutely shitty luck, the taxi ride did end, and Baekhyun actually had to half carry him up the stairs to his apartment, which took up a fair amount of time because Jongdae was essentially dead weight. Then just to make the situation so much worse, he had to put him to bed, washing up bowl strategically placed next to his bedside table. He didn’t know how long Baek stayed for because he passed out pretty much immediately as soon as his head touched the pillow. Head spinning, he made a mental note to make a massive apology to Baekhyun and Chanyeol as soon as he woke up. 

Oh, and he was never going to drink again.


	7. Nicotine Patches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while but I'm back with some more goodness. Consider checking out my new fic  Let Me In  its also kaisoo! please comment, thanks for reading <3

Switching from day shifts to night shifts was never easy. Disrupting the body’s circadian rhythm never really ended well, Tao could best describe it as jet lag, with a hint of flu-like illness. Increased caffeine intake was a given, loud music between calls helped also. Obviously, the weekends were a busier time for night shift staff but disregarding that there was no other pattern. You could have one Monday where ten people all had heart attacks at the same time, or a Monday where everyone made it through the day without any serious injury.

They’d been having a particular problem with an elderly lady who had fallen over in her rather obscure home. Tao suspected a hip break, the way one of her legs looked longer than the other backed up his theory nicely. Normally this would not be much of an issue for the two of them, but because she’d fallen in the upstairs area of the house, and for some reason, the staircase had a very low ceiling, they were worried about how to transport her. Realistically they needed some extra assistance.

Kris had spent the last 30 minutes chatting with her casually, not once letting on how serious this situation could get. Hip fractures had chances of compromising blood supply to the leg, as a very important blood vessel runs through it. Obviously they weren’t about to make her panic by telling her these things, so instead, the conversation topics centred around her children and grandchildren, who unfortunately weren’t living in the area anymore.

Kris always had a soft spot for the older ladies, they always made him think of his own grandma.

Frustrated, Tao called in again, leaning against the bedroom door facing out to the hallway, walkie-talkie in his right hand. “Hello, this is unit 6362, just checking for an ETA on that backup unit?”

The beeping from the walkie-talkie was loud and obnoxious, signalling the end of a transmission each time. After an awkward few second wait, the lady from control got back to him. “Hi 6362, a priority call came through and the backup unit was diverted. The next available unit will be sent to you.”

Oh, great.

Not that he could get mad at it, that's how ambulances work. Some people believed this misconception that you were put into a queue to wait for one, but that wasn’t true. Different calls had different levels of urgency, they’re not going to make someone who is having chest pains wait for an ambulance, they weren’t going to leave a woman in labour. Call handlers had to essentially triage their patients when resources were short, the sickest are seen first.

Which is what had happened to Tao.

He felt slightly guilty, the woman had been on the floor for a substantial amount of time before she managed to call for an ambulance, and was very uncomfortable. Ideally, he wanted to get her to the hospital as soon as they could, but there was no safe way to do it with just the two of them, especially with how awkward the staircase was. He wasn’t about to compromise his patient’s safety.

Turning back into the room, Tao sighed. “Looks like the wait is going to be a bit longer than anticipated,” He said, voice a little bit louder than normal, Mrs Choi didn’t have very good hearing anymore.

For someone in such a bad situation, she was very relaxed and very sweet. Tao would have expected her to be a bit impatient, especially now she’d been waiting for so long. He guessed she was one of those sweet older people who didn’t want to trouble anyone by asking for help, Tao worried for those type of people the most.

Kris joined in. “I hope you didn’t have any plans for the day, Mrs Choi.” He said with a loud voice, giving her a sad smile.

She politely said she didn’t get out much anymore, not after her husband’s passing. Though her weekly routine of going to the markets, going swimming and going to church was still the same. The first time since they arrived, she fussed, saying that she was beginning to feel more pain.

Kris was on it, giving her just a little bit of morphine as a topper. Tao thanked whatever god there was that made these patients so… patient? Clearly feeling distressed but hiding it because they don’t want to be a burden. How could they ever be a burden? They’re someone’s parents, someone’s grandparents, someone’s neighbour. No one is ever a burden, even the regular callers.

Looked like it was going to be a long night, for them both and poor Mrs Choi.

\--

Things weren’t really going any better for anyone in the emergency department either, particularly for Junmyeon, who had been sat and the nurse's station for the last fifteen minutes, engrossed in a medical book. Going from the pile of other books next to him, he hadn’t found out what he wanted to know.

Sehun had brought him coffee, before patting his back and going to do rounds. Junmyeon was grateful, he’d not really slept the previous night, and he’d worked through his break today to read. He was getting frustrated, none of the books were telling him what he needed to know, and he was beginning to feel the pressure.

He slammed his arms across the book and put his head down, sighing loudly.

From across the room, Yixing had been watching him. He’d not had any kind of conversation with Junmyeon since their initial meeting, and he could see that Junmyeon looked like he needed help, but his anxiety was beating his ass today. The boxes of pills which he needed to log into the system were his metaphorical wall, built to protect himself from unwanted social advances. He was torn.

Another fifteen minutes passed, Yixing snuck quick glances in as he typed furiously on the computer. Poor Junmyeon was onto another book now, flicking through the pages angrily, a frown on his face.

Yixing had an internal debate. He could go over, ask him if he needed a hand or just someone to listen to him verbalise his thought processes, with a high chance of somehow embarrassing himself. Or he could stay hidden at the medicine cupboards and get increasingly more anxious as he watched Junmyeon struggle with something.

Either way, it was a lose-lose situation. He was probably going to embarrass himself regardless, best to be of help to someone at least. He swallowed down the lump in his throat, clenching his fists and feeling the dampness of his palms, before slowly making his way over to the nurse's station.

The doctor didn’t react or even notice that Yixing was stood there, so he awkwardly announced his presence with a gentle hello, feeling his voice go slightly higher than usual, making him blush.

“Oh, Yixing! Sorry I didn’t see you there, my brains a bit fried.” Junmyeon smiled gently, closing the book he’d been reading and swivelled his chair to face Yixing.

Yixing tried his best to smile back but felt his face do some weird twitch so he stopped. “I saw you reading a lot, are you having some issues with a patient?” Yixing panicked, did that sound condescending? He didn't want to sound condescending.

He hummed, tapping the stack of books next to him. “Yes, I am. It’s someone who was just brought in, it’s a troubling situation and I’m struggling to find a definitive cause.” He shuffled the books away, pulling out a thick manila folder that Yixing had initially mistaken for another book.

“Have a read, I need a fresh pair of eyes on it.” He says, in a positive tone, before handing the file over.

Yixing takes it slowly, before flicking through the first few pages. He read the words out to himself.

“Eight-year-old girl, diagnosis of cystic fibrosis. Slightly underweight, presented with pneumonia and jaundice?” He looked up to Junmyeon at that, seeing the dejected look on his face.

“Can I see her, please?” Yixing asks softly, reading through the notes again quickly, double checking the words he’d read.

Her bay was one of the special ones that were decorated with wall decals and soft colours, specifically for a child of course. The quietness of the bay was calming, the only sound that could be heard was the odd beep from the machine slowly administering antibiotics. In the seat next to the bed, her father was sat, typing on his phone. The poor guy was probably used to being in and out of those type of places, it was just one hospital visit of many.

The girl in question was definitely showing symptoms of jaundice, and she looked clammy, her tinted skin looked dewy. Yixing gave the father a small smile when he looked up to see what the disturbance was.

“My colleague has come to help me try to figure out what’s going on, is that okay?” Junmyeon tells the father, but Yixing isn’t really focusing much, he’s just looking at the girl's complexion.

“She got an upper respiratory infection a couple of weeks ago, it’s very common with her condition, she’s prone to a lot of illnesses. They put her on some antibiotics but instead of getting better she got…” The father trailed off, gesturing to his daughter as she slept, but it was not a comfortable sleep, she looked troubled.

From the looks of the books that Junmyeon was studying, he thought the infection had spread, probably to the liver if it was causing this kind of reaction. Yixing did have some medical background, but nothing compared to Junmyeon’s. But he just couldn’t help but feel like this wasn’t something caused by an infection. He glanced once again through the notes of the girl's file, her last blood test results showed some infection markers but nothing too serious, he saw a little note next to it saying Junmyeon had requested a full screening be done.

He flipped to where medications should be listed but found the page blank. “Do you know the names of the medications she takes? I don’t think it’s down in the file here.”

He tapped once more on his phone before handing it over. “I can’t pronounce anything so I just keep a list of the names here.”

Scanning through the notes page he saw the brand names for some classic cystic fibrosis drugs, including anti-inflammatory medication, bronchodilators, some kind of multivitamins for children and- oh.

“Orkambi?”

“Yeah it’s some protein enhancer thing, her specialist doctor said it was supposed to help clear the mucus.” The father tried to explain, but Yixing guessed he wasn’t very knowledgeable about the types of medications, he didn’t blame him.

Junmyeon was looking at him curiously, Yixing took it as confusion. “Orkambi is a pill which increases CFTR activity,” He starts. “It’s known to cause problems with people with liver disease.”

Looking from his daughter then back to Yixing, the father looked puzzled. “She’s never had problems like this before, her doctors said it was fine…”

Yixing could practically see what the father was thinking, that it could have possibly been his fault, maybe if he’d paid closer attention to the details it wouldn’t have reached this point. Yixing hoped he didn’t blame himself because none of this was his fault, no one can predict these kinds of things.

Politely stepping past the father, he pulled the UV pole so that he could read the tube of the antibiotic. Confirming his suspicions, he felt his heart race. He’d just dispensed this antibiotic, and he probably should have paid closer attention to who he was giving it to. In future, he’d make sure that the nurses got a full list of medications before he prescribed anything.

The buttons made a horrendously high pitched noise when they were pressed, and Yixing wasn’t entirely sure what he was doing, but eventually, the machine stopped. Junmyeon made a noise to protest but was quick to silence himself when Yixing held up his hand.

“The antibiotic, clarithromycin, it interacts with the medications within Orkambi. It increases the amount of the cystic fibrosis drug in the blood, which can cause liver damage like this.”

Junmyeon seemed shocked as the wheels turned in his head. “She should never have been prescribed this antibiotic, who gave her this?” Suddenly the conversation turned serious between the father and the doctor, but Yixing wasn’t paying attention.

He watched the little girl for a moment longer, before thinking of what needed to be done next. The damage to her liver could be long-term, plus the Orkambi reduces the effect of the antibiotic so she was probably still fighting a pretty nasty infection, he tried to list antibiotics which were safe for use; Azithromycin was probably a good option-

“Doctor Zhang?”

He looks up to see Junmyeon smiling at him, he gestures to leave, pulling on the pale blue curtain. Bowing to the father, he made a speedy exit.

Yixing was walking in the direction of the pharmacy desk, he was going to try to fix the mess that the doctor had made, he just hoped that they would be able to reverse the damage done to the girls liver, they should probably do some scans-

“Yixing! Wait.”

Spinning around he’s met with Junmyeon's face once more, that really soft smile of his seemed to make everyone feel better, it’s probably why he became a doctor.

“What you did, how did you… how did you figure that out?” He gestured back to the girl’s bay, before shaking his head a bit in disbelief.

“Oh, I read. A lot.” He smiles nervously, feeling that familiar feeling of social anxiety creeping in.

“I would never have figured that out on my own, I really owe you one for this.”

“Oh no no, it’s fine you don’t owe me anything I-”

“Let’s get coffee sometime, my treat?” And Yixing wishes he could say no, it’s okay, but.

He nods, smiling. Once again Junmyeon is saved by his pager, he does his normal bow before speed walking in the opposite direction. Sometimes Yixing liked to think the universe understood his horrific social anxiety problems and would help him get out of situations which were becoming awkward. Or at least he liked to think that way. A couple of deep breaths, then he was back to work, desperately trying to not think about his interaction with Junmyeon.

\--

  
The whole giving up smoking wasn’t going well at all, especially after the nightclubbing. Jongdae was pretty sure he’d reduced his life expectancy by two years with all stress smoking he’d been doing. It was the end of his shift so it wasn’t like it actually mattered, but he’d been outside for a pretty long time now, at least two cigarettes. His throat was not happy.

He’d been doing a spot of people watching, not his favourite pastime but it’s not like he could do anything else. The hospital wasn’t really going to encourage people to stay outside and smoke instead of being inside either being sick or doing work. At least that’s what Jongdae thought, especially when he saw how shitty the smoking area looked in comparison to the rest of the hospital.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Kyungsoo get into a car, but it wasn’t his own car. Squinting his eyes he looked at the plate, he didn’t have great memory but he kind of recognised the plate as Jongin’s, Baekhyun had talked about how the neurosurgeon drove a fancy car, but Jongdae blocked it out out of spite. His suspicions were confirmed when he saw that pretty boy bastard get into the driver’s seat.

Jongdae wasn’t one to be nosey, but it was interesting to see Kyungsoo getting into his car. Juicy.

When he looked to the other side of the parking lot he saw Tao, well it was more that he heard Tao, the guy was angry. He was shouting something at Kris who looked like he had no idea what was going on. Jongdae didn’t have a clue what they were saying, Mandarin was a hard language to understand, but he didn’t have to be bilingual to know Tao was extremely mad. The paramedic eventually stormed off, leaving Kris behind to stare at him and call out his name, but it looks like Tao was not bothered.

God, so much was going on today, he was going to need another cigarette.

Just as he was enjoying that first toke, he sees Baekhyun walk out. He was literally about to call out to him to say bye, but the words got caught in his throat when he saw that fucker Park Chanyeol walking alongside after him. Maybe it was a coincidence, that they both just left at the same time, and for a moment Jongdae felt calm, but it was cut short when he saw them both take the same corner to the overflow parking lot.

Baekhyun didn’t have a car.

A brief second of genuine self-hate, but it was suppressed. A long, deep drag, he takes the cigarette out, gesturing the half spend stick to the sky as he looked up, hoping whatever fucked up God that was taking the piss out of him was watching. “You’re a fucking joke.”

Suddenly losing interest in being outside, he throws the cigarette to the wall with a little more force than he’d intended. Heading inside to gather his stuff up, he mutters to himself. “I guess I’m the joke.”


	8. Vodka Mixers and Poor Decisions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I'm back back back back back again! If you'd like, i've made a writing blog 'adrenochromewrites' on tumblr where you can check out my other stuff. Thank you for reading!  
> sorry for the lil cliffhanger.

**T/W: Mentions of alcohol, injury and homophobic slurs**

 

 

Jongdae was really beginning to feel like his life was one big comedic tragedy being written by some lonely fuck with no life because it was starting to become ridiculous. First off, as he was gearing up to submit his nursing application for the next school year, one of his references fell through. The first fuck up of the week. Then he found out that the hospital was trying to reduce the number of hours per shift, which subsequently meant he’d be earning less each day. The second fuck up. 

But the ultimate fuck up was seeing that bastard Park Chanyeol standing at the reception desk, making Baekhyun laugh.

He’d come in late, his sleep that night had been awful, so he already knew the day was going to be bad. But honestly he didn’t think it would get this bad in a span of a couple of hours, once again, he was proven wrong. 

After throwing his stuff into his locker, which earned a certain look from Sehun who was just about to go off shift, he trudged to the desk. Chanyeol had gone, finally, so he took his seat silently, normally he’d say ‘good morning’ but Baekhyun wasn’t even paying attention and to be honest, he wasn’t even in the mood.

The whole shift was probably one of the most awkward he’d ever done, even beating his first ever shift where he didn’t actually know what he was doing. His interactions with people were off, he was forgetting protocols and important logins. Baekhyun didn’t really even notice, because he was too busy gushing about what it was like when he went for coffee with Chanyeol. Shocker.

He’d never once cared about Baekhyun going out and dating, having a good time because he never actually saw it. But now he was fucking around with someone who worked in the same hospital, the same department, it was like torture. He hated Park Chanyeol. He hated that he knew so much about him because of Baekhyun. He hated how he seemed so nice. He hated everything.

Finishing his shift, he did his usual, stood in the smoking area while he thought about what he was going to try to do for the rest of the day to numb his brain. Cooking was just out of the question, he had some expensive ramen which would be his gourmet cuisine for the evening. His TV did some weird static shit whenever he switched it to the only channel with decent shows on, and he actually ran out of beer and vodka two days ago. He was stumped.

His phone buzzed; a WhatsApp message from Sehun.

‘Drink??’

Well, he didn’t have to ask twice.

Sometimes some of the people who worked in the emergency department would meet up, always at the same bar, the one with the cheapest drinks. Of course, it was difficult to get a big group together, because it was next to impossible for everyone to be off work at the same time. Comes with the job title. Jongdae wasn’t going to complain though, he preferred there to be a smaller group of people, he didn’t want everyone to know how much of a mess he was.

The bar was dinky, run down and had the faintest smell of stale beer. But they had some cool 50’s and 60’s jukeboxes and a pool table, which was enough to keep them all distracted from the stench and generally poor decor. He couldn’t drink a lot, he was supposed to be driving, and he wasn’t about to be paying for a parking ticket from the city council for leaving his car overnight (again). One beer was enough.

Sehun was seated in a booth near the bar, looking half asleep as he scrolled on his phone. When Jongdae sat in front of him, Sehun wordlessly pushed a beer bottle to him. Half of Jongdae’s brain wondered how bad he looked to get a free beer, but the other half was just happy he got a free, ice cold drink.

“So, what’s up?” Sehun asked, delicately placing his phone face down onto the table. Jongdae took a swig.

Where did he even start?

Picking at the bottle label, he sighed. “There’s just a lot happening and I don’t know how to deal with it rationally.”

“Elaborate.”

“I’ve spent the last five years working to save up for nursing school, I have the qualifications to get in, I just needed the money. But recently I’ve just been thinking maybe I’m not cut out for it after all,” It was like word vomit, once he started he couldn’t stop. “And to make it worse, the person I’ve been trying to build the courage to ask out is now with someone else, all because my ass was too chicken shit to say anything before.”

As if he was processing what Jongdae had just said, Sehun sat in silence, pursing his lips together. Humming, he took a swig of his own beer. “Well, to start, I know for a fact that you can finish nursing school, especially if you’ve been saving for this long. It shows you have the drive and determination if anything.”

Jongdae supposed he was right, if he’d saved up as much as he had and given up, it would have made everything pointless. He knew it was his true passion, he wasn’t the type to be a receptionist forever. Not that he had anything against people who were, it just what his heart was in. Plus the psychological strain was slowly but surely shortening his lifespan.

“And second, I don’t really know how to help you there I’m not exactly experienced in that field.” He continued gloomily. 

“Useful, thank you.”

“I try.”

Weighing up the pros and cons, Jongdae decided against revealing the name of his crush. He wasn’t sure what Sehun would do with the information, and it was better to be safe than sorry, especially with matters of the heart. Though part of him wished he could open up to someone, as he knew he would feel better if he just told someone how he truly felt. Keeping things bottled up the way he was doing wasn’t benefiting him in the slightest.

Sehun hummed once more. “Honestly though, the second point… if you really like this person, you just want them to be happy, right?”

Jongdae nodded vigorously. 

“Then I guess… you just have to let them be happy with the one they choose to make them happy? If that makes sense.”

It did make sense, and Jongdae already knew this. But part of him didn't want Baekhyun to be happy with someone else, he wanted to be the reason for Baekhyun’s happiness, not stupid fucking Park Chanyeol.

He knew he could do better.

He stared down at the table gloomily, fiddling with the half empty beer bottle. “Yeah.” The sadness in his voice was palpable. 

The junior doctor could see it, and he looked panicked. Jongdae presumed that the whole reason Sehun had asked him to come to the bar was to try to cheer him up, but so far all he’d done was give him hard pills to swallow.

Laughing nervously, he slapped at Jongdae’s hand. “But I mean there’s always another option!”

He didn’t even look up, just half rolled his eyes. “Like what?”

“You can make them jealous, you know, show them what they’re missing and all that.”

A light bulb slowly flickered on in Jongdae’s head.

Meeting Sehun’s eyes, he gave him a suspicious look. “Explain.” 

“It’s simple. I mean, you’re a handsome guy, no homo-” 

“Sehun, you’re literally bisexual.”

“That’s not the point, my point is, start looking after yourself, get yourself on the right road and refresh your look then you’ll become irresistible. You’ve got to make them think that they made the wrong choice.” 

Jongdae nodded, before scowling. “What’s wrong with my haircut?”

Sehun fixed him with a look of pure annoyance. “Jongdae, be honest, when was the last time you got a haircut?”

Truthfully, he hadn’t actually paid for a haircut in over a year, he’d been doing it himself the last few months too. Barbers in Seoul cost a lot, you know? “I see your point.”

“I’ll help you if you want.”

Jongdae contemplated it, Sehun seemed relatively fashionable with his smart shirts and sweaters. His hair was okay, not really Jongdae’s type but he could definitely pass as a model. Nodding, he made a mental note to try to find a decent priced hair salon close to his apartment. 

“First of all, have you considered stopping smoking?” Sehun asked gently.

He didn’t even need to answer, just pulled up his shirt sleeve to reveal two neat square patches near the crook of his elbow, a pinky nude tone. “I’m trying. It’s not my fault my job is stressful as shit.”

Sehun gave a small smile. “Wait, why do you have two?”

“One didn’t work.”

“You’re ridiculous, you know that?”

Shrugging, Jongdae gave a sheepish smile. Oh, he knew. 

\--

The quietness of the department had been welcomed with open arms, Kyungsoo and Minseok had treated or transferred nearly every patient that had come through the emergency room doors, and now they were chatting quietly with each other. In fact, they’d both been able to hydrate themselves and have a snack during the lull of patients. At some point one of the other nurses on duty had actually cleared off the nurse's station, removing all the scraps of paper and folders which had been stacked throughout the day. The cleanliness of the desk and the calm throughout the department was making Kyungsoo feel clarity. 

But it came to a swift and abrupt end when the next patient was brought through.

Working in a hospital was very rewarding, most of the time you would meet very nice people who wouldn’t cause any problems. But unfortunately, there was a small minority of patients which thrived off being the biggest assholes you’ve ever met. That included the drunks.

Once again, Tao and Kris came through for the third time that night, and neither of them looked happy. In fact, Kris was quite visibly angry, clenching his jaw as he dragged himself and the bed through the corridor, Tao trailing behind him.

It turned out that the man they’d brought had been reported to the ambulance service six times that night, the first five times he’d refused to go with them claiming he was fine. It was only when he fell and seriously injured his head on the kerb that he lost his patient autonomy, and control of his bladder. It at least explained the horrid smell, Kyungsoo thought.

The handover was a mess, the man was shouting and thrashing, as much as a drunk could do. Minseok was about to call security, saying that the man needed to be restrained to the bed if he was going to continue obstructing them from doing their job, to which, he quickly shut up. 

At first glance, Kyungsoo would have assumed he was a working man, though his smart pastel blue work shirt was doused in alcohol and yellowish stains which he could only assume to be vomit. Tao had a hold on most of his belongings, his wallet and phone and some keys which appeared to be for a car. He knew with his line of work he couldn’t make assumptions, but he couldn’t help but fear the worst when he thought of why this man was as inebriated as he was. Everyone had their own demons.

The head injury he’d sustained was worrying, a large gash ran through his eyebrow, the force of the fall splitting the skin. One of the problems with head injuries and alcohol is that doctors and nurses couldn’t tell whether the patient's behaviour was linked to the alcohol or to the head injury. If one was to assume it was alcohol-related they could put the patient’s life at risk, if they assumed it was a head injury, they could waste resources. They were lucky that it was relatively empty and that they could take their time.

After struggling to get a line into his arm for a good ten minutes, his blood tests were sent off for analysis. Kyungsoo was putting in a call through to radiography while Tao logged the man’s details into the system through his clunky tablet, but every time the man started to shout, they both turned to observe. Annoyance was making itself across Kris’ face, as he stood trying to quickly copy obs down for the doctors, his silence only seemed to annoy the drunk man more.

“And what about you, huh? Do you think you’re better than me?” Tao watched on with anger as the drunk started to purposefully aim his jibes at Kris, slurring his words and pointing at him with dirtied fingers.

The paramedic glanced at him, before taking a deep breath and carrying on scribbling faster and faster so he could get the hell away from the guy. Tao could only watch helplessly as Kris was getting more irritated by the second. The awkwardness was partially dispelled when Jongin arrived with a smile, asking for a rundown on what had happened. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Kyungsoo look over his shoulder. 

While the nurse went through a list of medication he’d been given, the drunk man stirred one more. Pulling so much on his wires the IV poles started to move, the nurse tried to calm him, but the man seemed to be very offended by Kris’ presence. His shouts could be heard across the whole ward, comments about the nurses appearance and making derogatory comments about her mother, but luckily she did not react, and she continued to put his wires back in place.

The behaviour was making Jongin uncomfortable, the smile he’d been wearing before long gone. He moved closer and interjected with a loud and clear tone. “Sir, if you continue to behave this way then I’ll have no choice but to call security and you’ll be restrained.”

“Fuck you, I didn’t even want to be in here in the first place. Bunch of overpaid morons, who do you think you are telling me what to do?” punctuating his sentence by prodding Jongin in the chest.

“Just call them, he’s been behaving like this the whole night.” Kris didn’t even bother looking up from the papers as he said it, and as the female nurse walked to the station to put through her own call, the man tried to lift himself up from the bed.

“Oh yeah? Only because you two treated me like shit!” he waved his hand from Kris to Tao and back.

Obviously, none of them believed the drunk, Tao and Kris were good at their job and had never received a complaint. But Kris couldn’t help but feel the anger curling in his stomach as he looked up and fixed the man with a glare so ferocious it should kill.

“Please stop talking to our staff this way-” Jongin said, standing firmly between Kris and the man. Tao stepped forward closer to Kris, almost sensing that Kris was reaching the end of his tether.

“Yah, don’t you know I’m your elder? You should be treating me with respect, not that stupid paramedic and the fucking gay boy he works with!”

He was lucky really, that in his rage he’d slipped back to his mother tongue. “ _What the fuck did you say_?” barging past Jongin and taking an aggressive stance.

But he was quickly pulled back by Tao. “ _Yifan, stop_.” 

When the man realised they were both foreign, he took even deeper offence. It wasn’t until he was already sat up that they noticed what he was about to do, but they were too late. For an older, drunker man he was still pretty fast, however, his aim was off, and his punch intended for Kris ended up catching Jongin’s face. He let out a cry, recoiling from the hit.

Kyungsoo was over in a shot.

“You two! Go to the breakroom and take five, Soojung, tell security to come immediately. Jongin, let me-” He pushed forward, dismissing Tao and Kris while pulling Jongin closer towards him.

The surgeon was silent, one of his hands was clutching at his cheek as he frowned from the discomfort. Gently, the nurse moved his hands to reveal the damage, the man’s wedding ring had caused a split of the skin, a small amount of blood was trickling down. Kyungsoo felt a pang in his chest, his eyes filled with worry.

Then rage.

“You! You may be our elder but that does not give you the right to assault a man who is trying to help you. You should be ashamed of yourself!” 

“Soo I’m fine, it’s nothing.” Jongin tried to say, but his voice was too quiet to be heard.

“I-I didn’t mean-” 

“For god's sake, just shut up!” the loudness of his voice surprised not only himself but everyone around him, but at least it got the drunk to be quiet. 

Afterwards, security came and restrained him to the bed using the plastic and metal fixed handcuffs. They’d told Jongin that he would be able to get the man charged with assault, but Jongin didn’t want to cause a fuss and said that it was fine, leaving the man to be treated by other staff.

Minors ward was a little bit more cramped than majors, but it was chock full of draws filled to the brim with individually wrapped bandages and needles. Kyungsoo didn’t really spend much time here, as majors normally had his full attention, but he made an exception this time. 

“Ow.” 

Kyungsoo sighed gently, “It’s not that bad, hush,” Jongin’s cut required a single stitch, as it was quite deep. He’d used anaesthetic, but even so, you could still feel the tugging of your skin which was always weird and uncomfortable.

He tied the thread together, cutting it and applying butterfly stitches to the sides. It was probably some of his neatest work, he wanted the wound to heal as well as it possibly could, it was never nice to have an injury to the face, especially when it required needles to fix it. 

“There, all done,” he said softly, pulling off the white latex gloves and disposing of them with the rest of the waste, making a loud bang as the metal bin closed. If he didn’t know him any better, Kyungsoo would say that Jongin looked like a kicked puppy with his dressings. The man hadn’t said much since the incidence, but that was mainly because Kyungsoo didn’t really know what to say himself, other than that he hated when they had drunk patients. 

“Thank you.” 

He looked at him, with a sympathetic smile. “You don’t have to thank me.” 

A nervous laugh, the first smile since. “But what if I want to?” 

He blinked, sitting down in the chair in front of Jongin. He didn't really want to go back out there to work, he couldn’t stand to look at the man who did this. A pang of guilt spread through his chest, he was supposed to do his job without any prejudice, but when he thought of the man in that bay he couldn’t muster up the energy to be caring like he normally was. So he sat, hoping Jongin would be enough of a distraction.

The two of them had been getting close, somewhat. They’d been texting back and forth, mainly about TV shows on Netflix, Kyungsoo soon found out that Jongin was a big fan of comic books and their subsequent tv shows. Jongin had even given him a ride home when was running late for an appointment. But realistically they hadn’t had much one to one time together. 

“You really don’t have to, I’m just doing my job.” 

“I’m a surgeon, I think by now I’m pretty good at stitching, you really didn’t have to. Just take my thanks, please?”

Kyungsoo opened his mouth to reply but quickly shut it, choosing to just purse his lips and stare at the floor. “I guess you’re right.”

A hand came forward gently touching his chin and forcing him to look back up. For someone who’d just been punched in the face, Jongin sure looked handsome. Giving him a warm smile, Jongin spoke. “You’re really good at your job, you know that right? I feel like you don’t get enough praise.” 

A furious blush spread across his cheeks, he wasn’t used to any kind of praise. Not even from his seniors, mainly because a majority of people working in the emergency department considered Kyungsoo to be the highest rank, someone who didn’t need praise because they were already sure of themselves, but this wasn’t true. Sometimes you just needed to hear that what you’re doing is good enough.

“Thank you, really.” 

“You’re cute when you’re flustered.” 

He wasn’t really sure what he was doing, because his chest felt tight in a good way and a bad way, he remained silent as Jongin’s eyes moved, observing his reaction. Jongin must have thought it was okay to continue, Kyungsoo’s expression softened when he saw Jongin leaning forward, eyes flitting, looking at Kyungsoo’s eyes and then to his plush lips. It wasn’t a conscious movement, but Kyungsoo himself started to lean in closer. It was almost like something had taken control of his body and he had total tunnel vision, the only thing he could see was Jongin’s warm eyes. 

He was sure they were going to kiss, and he didn’t mind one bit, his eyes closed when they were only a few centimetres apart. He braced himself, longing for the feeling of Jongin’s lips on his own.


	9. Darlin' I'm So Into You

And with a cruel twist of fate, the two were interrupted by the shrill noise of the red phone. The noise caused Kyungsoo to flinch, snapping him out of his daze. Opening his eyes he sees Jongin looking bashful, leaning away from the nurse. He could practically feel his pulse going crazy, a furious blush spreading across his cheeks.

 

“I should… go get that.” Kyungsoo practically choked out, stumbling as he scrambled to get up out of the chair.

 

Jongin stood too, reaching out to get his attention. “Wait! Can we talk about this later, please?”

 

Although part of Kyungsoo wanted to just pretend this had never happened at all, just erase his moment of lapse in judgement, he nodded, though it felt forced. Before Jongin could say any more, Kyungsoo left him before pulling the curtains shut behind him, as Jongin remained stood in the small cubicle, looking somewhat hurt.

 

\--

 

The door to the break room slammed open, knocking into the shelf of books and magazines with a loud bang. A nurse who’d been resting quietly in the room was startled awake as Kris stormed through looking like he was ready to kill. She quickly hurried out when she noticed Tao walking in behind him. Kris cursed loudly in Mandarin.

 

“Kris, what the fuck was that?” Tao hissed, closing the door behind him.

 

Sighing as he took a seat upon the chair, he looked up at Tao. “I wasn’t going to just let him talk to you like that. Was I?” A bite to his tone.

 

“You know better than to let the drunks get to you. They always chat shit, you know that.”

 

“Yeah, well he went too far.”

 

Tao felt conflicted. Things had been tense between the two for the past couple of weeks for this exact reason. He could tell that the awkward air between the two was making Kris more irritated and easier to anger, but their personal lives shouldn’t affect their working lives like this. Kris was acting too hot and cold with him, and it was beginning to cause too many issues.

 

“You shouldn’t have done that. What if Kyungsoo files a complaint with the department? We could get disciplinary for this.” Tao knew Kris didn’t want to hear it, but he himself was worried about the backlash they’d both get because of Kris’ actions.

 

“I really don’t care.”

 

“Well, you should care.” Tao spat back.

 

Kris fixed Tao with a bitchy look. “Why are you even mad at me about this? I was defending you!”

 

“I don’t need defending! Did you not think I’ve been called worse? Because I have!”

 

“I wasn’t going to let him just sit there and say all that shit, especially after all the trouble he gave us back on the bus. You weren’t exactly defending yourself either, were you?”

 

Tao laughed, short and incredulous. “You know, you need to learn when to shut your fucking mouth sometimes.”

 

By the looks of it, Kris didn’t react too well to that comment. He stood, getting very close with an almost unreadable expression. Tao never felt scared around the other, but something in the way he approached Tao made him feel nervous.

 

“And you need to learn how to be grateful.” He pushed past Tao, shoulders bumping before he opened the door calmer than before, and disappearing into the corridor. The contact made Tao feel like he was winded, as he stood staring off into the distance, taking a deep breath and counting to ten.

 

\--

 

Driving home at dusk was actually quite pleasant for once, and Minseok didn’t mind it one bit. While there had been traffic on the major roads due to some kind of roadworks, he’d rather enjoyed the time spent in his car alone. Dusk was always one of the best times to be driving, the temperatures are cooler and the sky is always a perfect blend of warm tones. The radio was playing a soft song, something for chilled out listening, and Minseok felt he was truly having a moment of bliss.

 

The neighbourhood they’d moved into the year before was peaceful, something which initially they were not used to. Most of their neighbours were retired, living out the rest of their years in solitude, away from the hustle and bustle of the city. For a while, Minseok thought it must be a sign of his age, this desire to stray away from the fast-paced life of living in inside a city. Although living this far away meant he would wake up earlier every morning to drive to work then subsequently getting home later, he really didn't mind, and honestly, he felt like it was worth it.

 

He did miss having easy access to food deliveries, but Luhan was a decent cook so it didn’t really bother him too much.

 

Stepping out of the car he could feel the dip in temperature, thankfully. The sun had dipped below the horizon, though no stars could be seen, not yet. Walking up to the door he made a mental note to try to get some gardening done on his next day off, the flower beds were beginning to look a little worse for wear, and he knew Luhan would probably drown them if he tried to water them.

 

A smell of something flavourful filled the air of the house, hitting him hard as he stepped past the threshold. He was practically salivating just from the scent alone. Toeing off his shoes, he slipped on his house slippers and walked through, seeing Luhan dishing up some soup.

 

The other was dressed in his comfy clothes, meaning he’d been home a while. Luhan’s hours were a lot more flexible than Minseok’s, but he was often on-call. It left them with little free time, but they both knew that the other was doing something they were truly passionate about, and that’s all that mattered.

 

“Hi hon,” Luhan’s soft hair had been pushed back with a hairband, and he was wearing the floral apron that Minseok had bought him as a joke. He truly looked adorable.

 

“Hello to you too, had a busy day?” Minseok asked softly, taking a moment to strip himself of his backpack.

 

Luhan hummed as he put pans back on the stove top, pushing one bowl forward towards Minseok’s usual seat. “Nothing too hairy, though we did have a poodle which had eaten parts of an iPhone cable, that was quite interesting.” taking the seat directly opposite him, Luhan dug straight in.

 

He hummed again around a mouthful of food. “What about you? Any gossip?”

 

Minseok’s eyes lit up. He snatched some pieces of egg roll before starting the tale. “I heard from Hakyeon that yesterday’s night shift was pretty crazy.”

 

“How so?”

 

“So like, you know how it is with drunks that come in, they can be some real assholes. A guy got brought in and he was just so uncooperative and rude and he actually ended up assaulting the neurosurgeon that was on call.”

 

That caught Luhan’s attention. “Jongin?”

 

Minseok nodded eagerly. “The guy socked him in the face, he had to have stitches.”

 

Luhan frowned. “That sounds awfully… irrational.”

 

“Yeah, he’d been brought in by Kris and Tao, Soojung said the guy was shouting homophobic stuff at them both, I think it got Kris real mad…”

 

A thought dawned on him. “Oh… that actually makes a lot of sense,” before grabbing more pieces of beef.

 

“What do you mean?” Minseok asked, eyeing up his boyfriend as he took way more than his share of the beef.

 

Luhan sighed. “Kris is an idiot, he’s basically in a relationship with Tao but he hasn’t put that label on it and it hurts Tao’s feelings. When I talked to him last week he was quite sad about it all, then this morning he said he was going to take some time off work to focus on himself. I was wondering if something bad had happened.”

 

Oh. That was quite bad indeed. “Poor guy, he works so hard, he deserves a break really.”

 

“Speaking of breaks… where do you want to for our next one?”

 

Minseok laughed a little, dipping his head to have some of the soup. Luhan had caught the travel bug since their first trip to Europe the previous summer, and he’d been asking to go somewhere new for the last week or so. Unfortunately, Minseok had used up most of his vacation days for this year, so he’d probably have to wait until the next April. “How about we go somewhere local for the weekend?”

 

Pulling a face, Luhan looked up. “I thought you said you wanted to go to Rome after we went to Greece?”

 

“I do, really, but I don’t think I’ll have enough vacation days to really make a trip of it.”

 

Nodding, Luhan gave a sad smile. “That’s a fair point, how about we go to the countryside for a weekend next month?”

 

That sounded lovely. “Yeah, I’d really like that.”

 

“Don’t forget though, next month is your bet deadline.”

 

Hold on. “What bet?”

 

Luhan smirked, looking playful. “The ‘will Jongin make a move on Kyungsoo’ bet, remember?”

 

Oh. That bet. “Actually, you might end up losing out, I have sources which say they’re getting closer than ever before. Someone even saw them getting into the same car.”

 

Whining, Luhan set down his spoon. “Of course he’d wait until we’d made a bet on him to actually do anything, I’m not going to lose two hundred over this, I refuse.”

 

“Oh, re-lax. You know that even if I won the bet I’d probably end up spending my winnings on you anyway.”

 

Raising his spoon to threaten him, Luhan scowled. “That may be true, but still.”

 

Minseok snorted, before carrying on with his meal. “I love you, dumbass.”

 

\--

 

Coffee late at night was never really a good idea. But when Junmyeon had insisted he pay, he chose the cheapest thing on the menu which just so happened to be a small latte. He’d already felt guilty enough just taking up Junmyeon’s time, he really didn’t have to pay him back for helping, that’s just what colleagues did.

 

He was flat out terrified, having a one on one with him like this was probably the most socialisation Yixing had had all week, and it was quite private. He’d been trying to think of things to talk about most of the afternoon, but nothing really stood out to him. Thankfully, the time they spend together was… relaxing.

 

Junmyeon was a natural at calming people down, which is probably why he was so good at working with children. His presence and the way he spoke made Yixing feel like maybe there was no need to be worried in the first place. Junmyeon made some awful jokes, some puns which Yixing didn’t fully understand, but he laughed along anyway because he felt like it was probably a bad joke regardless. Bad jokes were always something which made a conversation more laid back.

 

It was a nice experience anyway. He learnt some interesting things about Junmyeon, things which made him more human and less intimidating. Who knew someone could be so interested in both Star Wars and Star Trek?

 

Yixing had been trying to sleep but the caffeine was still making him feel wired, and for some reason, the sheets felt a lot hotter than he liked. Turning over and over, he tried to find a comfortable position but nothing seemed to work. Even faking sleep didn’t make him fall asleep. Reaching out to grab at one of his stuffed teddies, he couldn’t find one within an arm's length. Guess he was sleeping alone tonight.

 

A heavy sigh as he turned onto his back, opening his eyes he stared up at the ceiling.

 

Then he saw someone at the end of his bed.

 

“Yixing.”

 

Sitting up as fast as he could without literally throwing himself off the bed, he blinks a couple of times but no. Junmyeon doesn’t go away.

 

Stunned into complete and utter silence, he sees Junmyeon reach up for the top button of his work shirt, unbuttoning and slowly working his way down. He could only watch on in a daze as he stripped himself down until he was shirtless, wearing only some rather tight black work pants and a very, _very_ lustful expression.

 

“I want you.”

 

Oh my god.

 

Before he could respond, ask him what the hell he was doing, he saw Junmyeon move onto Yixing’s bed, crawling right up to meet Yixing at the headboard. Junmyeon’s light brown hair was no longer styled nearly like he always saw at work, but instead messy and falling right into his eyes, just as Yixing was inspecting Junmyeon’s other facial features he saw him lick his lips, incredibly slow and purposeful.

 

Oh.

 

 _Oh_.

 

“I can’t get you off my mind.”

 

How could this man be so damn attractive and also this was highly inappropriate-

 

“T-that’s uh, unfortunate I-”

 

“Kiss me, Yixing.”

 

Well, who was he to deny him?

 

It started soft, just gentle pecks but soon the kiss deepened. The whole weight of Junmyeons body was resting on Yixing’s lap, so Yixing took the opportunity to touch. He was so damn touch starved, he could feel himself getting aroused just from a damn kiss.

 

Junmyeon had shifted, now he really was sat down on Yixing’s lap, legs straddling either side of his thighs, pressing into him and making him feel hotter than he already was. He liked resting his hands on Junmyeon’s hips, they weren’t sharp or soft, they were just right, and very close to other areas. He pulled the man closer to himself as Junmyeon’s hands held his face, kissing him gently.

 

The position seemed to benefit Junmyeon the most, especially since his ass was in such close proximity to Yixing’s crotch, which was become less awkward and more _that feels good_. Junmyeon’s kisses had moved past his lips and were now going along his jawline, ever so close to his neck, which just so happened to be his sensitive place-

 

Yixing moaned, really  _moaned_. Gripping on tighter to every place he could, he felt Junmyeon smirk against his skin, before kissing his pulse point gently. One hand slowly snaked down from his shoulder, across his chest then down to where the sheets were covering. Yixing couldn’t help but press into Junmyeon’s hand, the sensation of having someone touch him there was something which he had not experienced in a long time and he didn’t fully realise how much he’d missed it.

 

The reaction Junmyeon was getting was only spurring him on, he teased at Yixing through his underwear, which had gotten quite tight and uncomfortable and really he wanted them _off_. But Junmyeon wasn’t having any of it, he was torturing him, he seemed to like the sounds of pleasure and impatience that Yixing was making far too much to actually do anything really good, anything _really bad._

 

The reality of the situation hit Yixing head-on, the mist clearing, and he quickly pulled away, half pushing Junmyeon off his lap as he did so. “We really shouldn’t be doing this... how did you even get in here when you don’t know where I live-”

 

A finger pressed against his lips, telling him to shut up. “Don’t think about that, just enjoy the moment,” Junmyeon said softly, before kissing him again.

 

But Yixing couldn’t just enjoy the moment, so many thoughts were running through his head and he couldn’t process it all at once. He needed to stop, this wasn’t right but- was Junmyeon going into his underwear?

 

They broke apart momentarily, just enough time for Yixing to swear repeatedly in his mother tongue. Junmyeon’s shirt was gone, Yixing had no idea he’d even taken it off, but he couldn’t focus because Junmyeon really had gone into his underwear, and was stroking his very hard, very touch starved dick. This was just too much to handle at once. He felt like he was just going to start crying right there and then.

 

Don’t get him wrong, it felt _really good_ , it really did feel amazing because, for some reason, Junmyeon knew exactly what to do to make Yixing feel like he was going to finish within the next two minutes, which could partially be explained by the fact that he’d not been intimate with anyone for over a year- but it could also be something to do with the way Junmyeon kissed him, Yixing wasn’t too sure but he felt like he was on _fire_.

 

Junmyeon’s other hand slipped up Yixing’s nightshirt, fingers ghosting over the skin, touching him everywhere he could before settling on his side. Lewd noises were coming from Junmyeon’s movements, Yixing always did pre-cum a lot. He wasn’t even sure what he should do with his own hands, though it seemed that Junmyeon liked Yixing gently pulling at his hair. It was unfair that he was the only person getting the pleasure, so it only seemed right that he should reciprocate. Undoing pant buttons with only one hand was a lot more difficult than it looked in porn…

 

He wasn’t even past the pants and he could already feel that Junmyeon was just as hard, knowing that he was just as turned on as he was made everything feel even better, more real than before. He was holding himself back at this point, he didn’t want to finish too early and stop the experience because frankly, he was having a fucking good time.

 

Then Junmyeon started kissing his neck again, and holding on got a hell of a lot harder. Tilting his head so Junmyeon had better access, he smacked the back of his head on the headboard. Things were getting hot, warmth pooling in his belly and making him feel delirious with lust, at this point they didn’t even need lube he just wanted, no, needed Junmyeon to go _faster_ -

 

The noises coming out of Yixing’s mouth were embarrassing, noisy and straight up incoherent. But he really didn’t want to stop. He’d abandoned the idea of helping Junmyeon out, mainly because he couldn’t gain access and also because he was too distracted to do anything but be a loud, horny mess. His neck really was his most sensitive place, and Junmyeon was literally giving him a love bite, and Yixing was well and truly enjoying himself to the fullest.

 

Closer and closer, he reached the point of no return. Junmyeon stopped himself for a moment before whispering into Yixing’s ear.

 

“Are you gonna finish for me, like a good boy?”

 

 _That_ was just overkill.

 

He did finish indeed, loud and unashamed, bucking up into Junmyeon’s touch as he did so. He was sweaty as fuck, needing a minute to breathe and just let it all sink in. Junmyeon took the opportunity to lean back, inspecting the front and back of his dirtied hand before making direct eye contact with a totally spend Yixing. God  _damn_ , he looked so beautiful, so fucking sexy, so fuckable.

 

Tongue poking out, he licked a stripe up his index finger, before taking it all into his mouth, lips wrapping around until he reached his knuckle, not once breaking their gaze. Yixing practically gasped at the sight. He wondered what his lips would look like around his-

 

Wait, was that his alarm going off?

 

Jolting awake, Yixing looked around like a startled animal. He was absolutely soaked in sweat despite his air conditioning being on full blast. His stupid phone had slipped from under his pillow and off his bed, and it was blaring a really annoying alarm tone from his carpet. He wanted to reach out and turn it off but…

 

His right hand was under the fabric of his underwear.

 

And it was… sticky.

 

“Oh my god. Oh my fucking god.”

 

Christ, how _embarrassing_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Jesus I... don't have any explanation for this. Never written anything like this before so... apologies in advance. Say hello to Luhan tho!!!! Love you guys. 


	10. Count On Me

**No Tag Warnings**

 

 

Fortunately, this morning, Sehun’s mom’s cat didn’t wake him up by violently smacking him on the head with his little white kitty paws, but he did wake to the sound of his father grumbling as he moved from his bedroom to the bathroom. It was always unfortunate that the walls in this house were so damn thin because Sehun had never really experienced any privacy. Ever.

 

He woke to a couple of texts from Jongdae. Periodically the other would send pictures of clothes and ask for Sehun’s approval. It took one physical shopping trip for Sehun to realise that Jongdae was incredibly picky and not too happy about venturing out his comfort zone, so Sehun had told him to look online instead. It was kind of adorable, Jongdae asked for Sehun’s opinion on literally every single piece of clothing he came across, eventually, it would probably get annoying but he was hoping that Jongdae would be strong enough to do it all on his own by then.

 

His shift started in an hour and a half, giving him just enough time to shower and try to style his hair before he needed to be out of the door. Problem was that there was only one bathroom in the house, and it was currently occupied. Breakfast perhaps?

 

He shared his food with the cat because despite how annoying it was, he was still pretty cute. And he really liked crunchy cereals.

 

After finishing, he stood patiently outside the bathroom with his towel and work clothes. He daren’t say anything to his father, he wanted to avoid any possible fights, it was too early in the morning to argue with him.

 

When his dad finally came out, he took one look at Sehun, before mumbling something under his breath. Sehun hadn’t even done anything, he was just trying to clean himself. Ignoring it, he went about his business, picking a different shower gel to use this time. Mint and tea tree. It was a bit strong but at least it woke him up. He brushed his teeth whilst he was in the shower to save time, a quick glance at the clock before he’d gone into the bathroom told him he was most definitely running late.

 

Hair still dripping, he stepped back into his own room and blasted his hair with a dryer. Styling would have to wait, he didn’t want to get stuck in morning rush hour traffic, if he did he’d never get to the hospital on time. Backpack on, he carefully and quietly rushed down the stairs, reaching the bottom and grabbing his shoes. Just as he was tying up, he heard his father’s voice from upstairs.

 

“When is he going to move out? He’s been living here far too long.”

 

“Leave him be, he’s trying his best to save up but with the junior doctors pay it’s-”

 

“He should be a resident by now, he’s just too lazy to complete his hours.”

 

He sighed. He didn’t want to hear any more. He’d already heard it before, and while he appreciated his mother trying to defend him, she shouldn’t have to. Sehun left quietly, taking care not to slam the door behind him, he clenched his jaw and didn’t look back. At least he had a 12-hour shift to take his mind off the matter.

 

\--

 

After a visit from the higher-ups, Jongdae had been tasked with shifting a bunch of files to storage and to attempt to clean up the reception bench. Personally, Jongdae didn’t think it was that messy, but then again the lady who was in charge of all the receptions throughout the different departments was known to be a bit of a clean freak. It didn’t matter, really, because he’d rather organise all the files than listen to Baekhyun talk about Chanyeol for one more second.

 

Speaking of which, he could see from the door that Baekhyun was typing away at one of the computers, booking a lady in to be triaged. Sighing, he tried to wipe the dust from his hands on his work pants before he pushed the recycle pile further away from himself with his foot. Who even needed this many files? Did they have a file for everything? A file for every single person who had ever stepped foot in this hospital? What was the point in having this much paper? Computers exist too, you know.

 

At least he’d cleared through one shelf.

 

Sadly, he had six more to go.

 

“Jesus.”

 

He went to brush his hair out of his eyes, momentarily forgetting it was no longer there. Sehun had essentially forced him to get a haircut at the weekend, even persuading him to get it dyed a lighter shade. He didn’t mind it at all, he knew it looked much better, but damn did his wallet cry after, and he really didn’t like the smell of the ammonia.

 

Stuffing the paper into the recycling box, he found a small amount of pleasure in seeing the carpeted floor once again. He really wanted a sweet coffee, but Sehun had told him that he should avoid the sugar, apparently, it can make people crave cigarettes even more. He’d have to settle for the disgusting, cheap complementary tea that was left. Deciding it was time for a break, he took a seat, exhaling when he felt the comfort of the back support.

 

Baekhyun gave him a small smirk, pretending he was intently typing on his computer. “So, how’s it going doing all the grunt work?”

 

Jongdae scowled at him. “It’s not _that_ bad. Yeah, sure, I have about fifty papercuts and I’ve probably triggered a dust allergy, but it’s kinda nice throwing out all the shit they’ve been keeping for the last, I don’t know twenty years?”

 

“I know right?” Baekhyun turned and smiled at him. “I feel like they haven’t gone through all those files since this hospital was even opened.”

 

“I saw one dated from the eighties, so that may well be true.” Jongdae closed his eyes, tipping his chair back to get a minutes peace.

 

He could hear the tap tap tap of Baekhyun’s fingers on the keyboard, and the sound of beeping going off in the distance of the major's room, but it was nice and quiet to him. When you’re in an environment for so long you almost tune out all the background noise and elect to hear only the important things. Well, for the next couple of minutes, nothing would be important.

 

Jongdae’s phone buzzed on the table. He was hoping Sehun had got back to him on that pair of pant’s he’d found online. A pair of slacks in the sale section, over 70% cheaper! Shopping on the high street or at the mall was ridiculous because he literally didn’t like anything they’d seen. Thank god Sehun was some kind of fashion wizard, he sent him a bunch of links to clothing websites and told him to have at it. He couldn’t really look at his phone just yet, technically he was supposed to be working.

 

As he was about to head back into the dusty backroom, he saw Jongin come around the corner, Baekhyun, of course, was immediately attentive. “Good morning doctor Kim, how can I help you today?” Jongdae could practically see the cartoon hearts above Baekhyun’s head.

 

He gave a shy smile. “Hey guys, how are you doing?”

 

“Oh, you know, we’re just keeping busy,” Baekhyun laughed, smiling as he nudged Jongdae with his elbow.

 

“I’m tired,” he mumbled, earning a stern glare from Baekhyun.

 

“I hope your shift isn’t too long today. You guys deserve some good rest too,” he looked at the two, eyes catching on Jongdae’s hair. “Oh, did you get your haircut? It looks really good.”

 

Jongdae couldn’t help but grin, running his hand through his hair again, enjoying the softness. “Yeah I did, thank you for noticing,” he definitely made sure to add that comment, especially after Baekhyun hadn’t noticed at all. It was a different colour for fuck sake, how could you not notice?

 

Out of the corner of his eye, he watched as Baekhyun looked him over, probably only just registering the change. Jongin placed his hands on the bench gently. “I was wondering if you guys could tell me if nurse Do was working today?”

 

Jongdae was going to head back to the office, as Baekhyun glanced back at the board, seeing Kyungsoo’s name marked in for today’s morning shift. Just as he stepped back into the room, he heard Baekhyun’s voice. “Yeah, he’s working this morning shift,” Jongdae watched Jongin give a small, happy smile but he had to step in.

 

“No, he’s not on today, remember?” Jongdae said, peeking around the doorframe, both Jongin and Baekhyun looked at him curiously.

 

“Oh, is he not? He’s pencilled in to be working the AM shift?” Baekhyun double checked the board, making sure his eyes had not deceived him.

 

Drumming his fingers on the wood, Jongdae hummed. “Yeah he called in before you arrived, he swapped from AM to PM today. I wrote it on a sticky note, it should be on your desk somewhere.”

 

Frantically, he searched through the paperwork he’d got around his keyboard, finding the orange sticky note with Jongdae’s signature smiley. He pouted, sticking it onto the side of his monitor before giving Jongin a bashful smile. “Sorry, hon. It looks like he’s not working until later tonight.”

 

Now Jongdae wasn’t the most perceptive person going, but just one look at Jongin’s expression had him feeling some kind of second-hand guilt. The other looked at the floor, almost like he was processing something, before thanking them both and heading back to the major's department. Baekhyun turned the office chair slowly, giving Jongdae a sheepish look. “I feel like we just ruined his day.”

 

Grimacing, Jongdae agreed. “Poor guy…” he sighed, turning back to his files. He had another 8 hours of his shift, meaning he needed to average a shelf every hour to get the job done.

 

\--

 

Round the corner, Jongin took a deep breath. One of the nurses passed him, giving him a small smile, which he tried to return but he couldn’t help but feel dejected. He pulled out his phone from the white coat pocket, seeing there were no new notifications. When he opened up the iMessage app, it was just a sea of blue.

 

To Kyungsoo:

> Soo, are you avoiding me at work?

> Please just talk to me

 

Kyungsoo didn’t have the message read feature on, so Jongin was clueless as to whether Kyungsoo was acknowledging his messages or not. Either way, it hurt. He had to attend a scheduled surgery in the next hour, one which would be time consuming and laborious. With the way he was feeling, he knew it was going to be a hard surgery to do. Normally he was quite upbeat and positive, but now he just felt… despondent. He headed down to theatre early, failing to smile at his colleagues as he walked past them.

 

\--

 

Do you know what? Tao liked Amber. Amber was cool, she talked about her dogs, brought Tao green tea every time she went to refill her water bottle, and she was into all the same TV shows that Tao was. She was honestly so fun to be around, and she was probably the best thing to get Tao out of the funk he’d got himself into.

 

“I think if I hadn’t have been a paramedic, I probably would be a hairstylist,” Tao said, taking a small sip from his cup.

 

They’d been on break for the past twenty minutes, but they were still sat in their bus. Tao was in the driver's seat for the first time in what felt like forever, while Amber was deep in thought, gazing out onto the ambulance parking lot, dead foliage and all. “That’s very true, I could totally see you as a hairstylist. I feel like you’d be that one guy that always wants to do those crazy styles and colours.”

 

“Oh, fuck, obviously. I used to have red hair, you know?”

 

Amber laughed, looking him up and down. “Really? Maybe the red should have a comeback.”

 

“Oh, sure, maybe when they relax the regulations I’ll come in with pink, what do you think?” voice dripping with sarcasm.

 

“Why stop at pink? Go the whole hog and get green, it’ll match your tea.” Amber tried to keep a serious face but ended up laughing. She reached back to her backpack, pulling out a container of fruit.

 

Tao hadn’t packed himself a big lunch, just some snacks to get him through the day. He wasn’t really too sure how busy they’d be today, their morning hadn’t been too eventful really, though he’d heard on the radio that at one point in the early hours of their shift that all the busses were busy, and a call was put out for anyone who could be free to go green as back up was needed at a job. Unfortunately, they were dealing with a rather rude old man who’d refused to go to the hospital, despite his wife trying to plead with him to go.

 

Midway through her pot of berries, Amber hummed. “Tao, can I ask you a kind of personal question?”

 

“Sure you can.” Though Tao almost regretted saying yes as soon as the words left his mouth.

 

“Have you and Kris had a falling out?” she side-eyed him, still chewing away.

 

Tao let out an annoyed sigh. “Yeah, pretty much.”

 

“Same reason as before?”

 

“Yep.”

“God,” She laughed. “What a fucking ass.”

 

Tao leaned back, hitting his head against the headrest. “I’m not even joking when I say, I’m really really sick of it all. I don’t think I can stick around waiting for someone who doesn’t want to be committed.”

 

Shifting to face him, Amber shrugged. “Well, that’s the thing, you shouldn’t have to. If you’re both not on the same wavelength then it’s not gonna work, right? You shouldn’t have to put your life on hold for someone who clearly isn’t ready.”

 

“Exactly! That’s what I’ve been trying to tell myself for weeks now.” Tao exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air before letting them fall into his lap. He groaned.

 

“What even is his problem in the first place? Like he’s got a job, an apartment, his health, and you? What is he waiting for?”

 

“I don’t know if I did it would make things a hell of a lot easier.”

 

Placing her hand on his own, Amber cooed. “Honestly, don’t let it get the better of you. Come out with me and my friends this weekend, we’ll get your mind off of things.”

 

Tao laughed. “Sure, if you think it’ll help me then I am all for it.”

 

“Trust me it will work. Get enough booze in you and I’m certain you’ll have a good time.”

 

He was going to give a snarky response but was interrupted by the sound of the radio, the beeps went off before a message came through. “6362, are you available to go green?”

 

Tao took a hold of the radio while Amber stuffed the rest of her fruit into her mouth, anticipating a possible job. “Hi, 6362, we’re just on lunch break but we are available to go green.” On the little tablet device, Amber set their status.

 

“Perfect, we need to send you to a possible MI, as soon as possible please.”

 

Thrusting the radio into Amber’s grip, Tao turned the keys and flicked all the lights on. “Yeah, just patch that job through to us now, we’re en-route.”

 

Reaching the main road, Amber put the radio back down, the details came through onto the tablet, she read them out as she changed the navigation settings. “Sixty-three-year old male, presenting with chest pain and nausea, query MI.”

 

“Yeah, well. I hope he’s nicer to us than the last guy.” Tao muttered.

 

“Oh really? I always like being called a ‘stupid bitch’ in the mornings.” She deadpanned, Tao just laughed, foot down as they passed the rest of the traffic.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hey guys, hows it going with you all? have you finished with school/college yet? I'm on summer break right now so I've been writing a looooottttt, like you honestly wouldn't believe. I've started two different stories and I have another one planned out. SO I was just wondering if any of you would be interested in me publishing the ones I have so far, one is a suchen android!au, and another one is a suchen college!au. I'm just wanting to test the waters and see if anyone would be interested in reading either of those, let me know down in the comments, and do let me know of what you think so far! Big thank you to my 219 subscribers (on AFF), you guys keep me motivated to continue with the story, honestly! Also, do you think it would be better for me to upload in a schedule or? because I feel quite disorganised with this fic. Have a nice night, guys x


	11. Now Or Never

**T/W: Minor character death, graphic depictions of resuscitation (To avoid, skip the part between the asterisks.)**

 

It was a nice, chilled Tuesday afternoon, from the outside the hospital looked relatively calm. The only noticeable thing that was different was that the visitor’s car park was a little busier than usual. The smoking area outside the ER was a bit busier too, a whole hoard of adults dressed in slings, bandages, crutches and wearing hospital issue gowns puffing away in the breeze. However, on the inside of the department, it was utter fucking chaos.

 

Baekhyun and Jongdae hadn’t had a break all day, and a queue had formed in front of their desk for the first time in a long while. They were both taking in new patients, the phone was left to ring on its own. Jongdae watched as the patient counter increased and the wait time skyrocketed.

 

Between patients, he heard Baekhyun mumble. “Did everyone really decide to either get deathly ill or wounded on the same fucking day?”

 

Jongdae shot him a worried look. “The wait counter is up at four hours, and that’s the minimum.”

 

“Fucking, shit. Next!” He called over.

 

“Hi, what’s the reason for your visit today?” He asked, giving a half-assed smile, before taking in everything they said, for the millionth time that day.

 

Literally everywhere was busy. They’d had a three-car RTC come in and the control centre hadn’t asked them if they were capable of taking all the patients, so they were at maximum capacity with countless others in the waiting room. It was horrid. Kyungsoo had been running from majors to minors, from critically ill patients to doing stitches and casting compound fractures. Junmyeon had got it the worst, two of the patients in the first car were young children, one with query rib fractures and the other was currently in surgery, having plates put into their arm.

 

Sehun was looking after four different patients pretty much solo, a woman who’d had a suspected stroke, a motorbike crash patient, a neutropenic cancer patient and a teenager suspected to have overdosed. It was probably the most stressful day of his life, no number of placement hours could ever prepare him for a day like this. Literally, everyone was up to their fucking eyeballs in stuff to do, in his head, he tried his best to prioritise the tasks at hand.

 

Both his stroke patient and bike crash patient needed to go to CT, so he put through a call. The porters would come and take them when they were ready. His neutropenic patient really needed to be in a room of his own, simply being in a room like this would overwhelm his immune system, so the next port of call was to try to find him a bed in a cancer ward where they’d have single bedrooms. He dialled the extension, reaching the receptionist. “Hi, this is Doctor Oh from majors, I have a neutropenic chemotherapy patient here and I’m trying to find them a single room, is there any possibility that he can be moved up to your department?”

 

The woman on the other end of the phone sounded stressed herself, humming as she checked the bed rota. “I can have them brought up in a couple of hours, we’re just waiting for patient transport to come and pick someone up who has been discharged.”

 

“Perfect, I’ll give you my pager number, please message when the bed becomes available and I’ll have them brought up.” Sehun scribbled the ward number on the patients' notes, before hearing his name being called.

 

Chanyeol was waving to him from the minors corridor, he definitely didn’t look as happy as he normally did. “I need a hand doing a reduction, no one else is free.”

 

He could practically hear himself screaming internally. “No problem.”

 

It was just too much, there just wasn’t enough staff to safely take care of all the patients being admitted. Soojung was doing observations for every patient being admitted, and Sehun felt a pang of guilt that she’d been left alone. As he entered the bay, he saw a teenage boy on entonox, waiting as a nurse prepped the plaster cast strips. His mother scolded him, but by the sounds of it the boy didn’t care, he was off his head on ketamine, gas and air.

 

Chanyeol was lining himself up alongside the broken leg, testing the waters by touching the boy’s foot. “Can you feel this?”

 

He didn’t even respond, his eyes had slipped shut, entonox piece falling out of his grasp. Sehun turned to wash his hands and glove up whilst Chanyeol tried it once more, pinching the boy’s skin harder this time, getting no reaction at all. “I think he’s good to go.”

 

Sehun joined him, standing on the opposite side. “Right, I need you to grab his foot and pull, hard. He won’t feel a thing, trust me.”

 

Positioning himself at the end of the bed, feet spread he lifted the boy’s leg, seeing the rather visible and cringe worthy break below the knee. Quite an unusual place for a break, especially when the bone in that area was denser. “Is he going for surgery?”

 

Chanyeol was standing opposite Sehun, grip around the knee joint area. “Oh, absolutely. He’s for sure going to need pins.”

 

“Shouldn’t he go in ASAP?”

 

Chanyeol tutted. “Yeah, he should, but there are so many patients needing pins and plates that there’s an actual waiting list. This is the best we can do for him until he can get into theatre. Trust me, I’m not too happy about it either.”

 

Humming in acknowledgement, he looked up and waited for Chanyeol’s signal. “As you’re pulling I’m going to push slightly to the left, which should line up the bones again. We’ll have an X-Ray done to double check then he’ll have a cast put on. Okay?”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Go on three,” Chanyeol braced himself, checking that nothing was behind him. “One, two, three.”

 

Pulling on his leg, Sehun heard the boy stir, he let out a moan, but honestly, Sehun would have expected him to scream. He really needed to have some of what he had.

 

“Keep pulling keep pulling keep pulling!” Chanyeol pushed hard, and it looked horrible. Bones were probably the one and only thing which made him cringe, especially visible fractures. “Okay stop, that’s the best we’re going to get.”

 

He let go, looked up at the boy and saw he was completely out cold. Good. “Let me know if you need me to come back, I have to go back to majors.” Chanyeol just gave him a nod as he paged for X-Ray to come back down.

 

Going back into the blindingly bright light Sehun heard his voice being called yet again. Now he really did want to scream. His throat was so dry, he was desperate for a drink of water, and he’d felt the urge to piss for the last hour, but there was no way he could take a break with the department in this state. He turned around, trying his best to smile, seeing Kyungsoo, apron and all, beckoning him to come back to minors.

 

“I have three people waiting for stitches, can you give me a hand?”

 

Sehun kind of grimaced, gearing up to say he was busy, but Kyungsoo read the expression and waved him off, going back behind the curtains. Sehun let out a little sigh of relief, before booking it back to majors. His drink and bathroom break would have to wait, he had way too much shit to do.

 

\--

 

Stocking up normally took a short amount of time, but Tao felt like they’d been at the base for hours. After visiting a palliative care patient, and after using some of the urgent response equipment, Tao and Amber had returned to base to pick up some basic supplies. They’d got pretty much everything, but they could not for the life of them find the 10mL syringes. Tao had started packing up and cleaning the back of the bus up whilst Amber went on a more thorough search in the stock cupboards.

 

Bags zipped up, bins emptied and equipment decontaminated, Tao took a seat at the back, feeling his phone buzz a few times in his pocket. After a cheeky glance for any of the higher-ups which might have been wandering around, Tao deemed the coast clear and decided a little look wouldn’t hurt.

 

Oh, maybe it would.

 

Kris ♡

> Are you still mad at me?

> Please stop avoiding me, I just want to talk to you

> I miss you

 

Clearing the screen as aggressively as he could, he huffed, moving from the back of the bus to the coffee station. That guy really fucked with his blood pressure.

 

Just as he’d filled up a cup of green tea he saw Amber walking around the corner with a huge smile on her face. She held up the paper packages for Tao to see, earning a solid thumbs up from him. “Someone put them in the 5mL section, that’s why we couldn’t find them.”

 

*** She walked straight past and headed to the back, stuffing them into the pockets of the urgent care bag before zipping it up and packing it away in the right place. Heading to the cab he heard a beeping coming from the monitor. Amber took the driver’s seat this time as Tao quickly set their status to green. Immediately after a job came through, one which had them both feeling nervous.

 

Tao read the monitor as Amber set the lights going, setting off as fast as she could. “Cardiac arrest, CPR in progress.”

 

“No other information?”

 

“Not yet, that’s all it says.”

 

“Shit. Okay.”

 

From the looks of the navigation system, they were only five minutes away, but the only problem was that it was entering rush hour. The target time to reach a category A call, such as a cardiac arrest, was eight minutes, if they could reach them within that time the chance of the patient's survival increased. Tao radioed in to control while Amber aggressively honked the horn at people who weren’t moving their cars fast enough.

 

“6362 to control, we’re currently en-route to a cardiac arrest call, which crew is going to be first on scene?”

 

“Fucking move, you asshole! Do the lights and sirens mean nothing to you?” Amber shouted, beeping once again.

 

“Control to 6362, currently the other crew will be first on scene, you will arrive after. Advanced paramedics are currently unavailable at this moment.”

 

Tao sighed. “That’s all received, thank you.”

 

“No AP?” Amber asked, looking a bit confused.

 

“No AP,” Tao shook his head, processing and formulating a plan in his mind.

 

After hitting a free stretch of road, they were making good progress towards the address. They both went through what bags each of them would carry, Tao making sure Amber was okay with taking most of the stuff, as Tao was the Paramedic and Amber was the technician, unfortunately, she’d be doing most of the grunt work.

 

They pulled up at the address, a rather large and lavish house just on the outskirts of the city. The other crew had parked closer to the drive, so they parked behind. A young woman was waiting at the door for them, looking anything but okay. Grabbing all the bags they rushed to the door. “Which room?” Tao asked.

 

She covered her mouth, choking back tears. “Upstairs, room on the left.”

 

As they walked up the stairs, Tao could already hear the noises of the AED’s preprogrammed phrases. When they entered the room on the left, they were both greeted by the chaotic scene of CPR in progress, a paramedic they both knew called Hongbin, and Kris doing chest compressions.

 

It honestly couldn’t get any worse.

 

The patient was a man, a middle-aged one. He looked like he’d been dressed in his pyjamas, but they’d been haphazardly cut away from his chest, exposing the skin. Two white pads had been placed on him, and a thick tube was sticking out of his mouth. CPR truly was brutal.

 

Under his breath, Kris counted to thirty, stopping compressions. “Pulse check.”

 

Hongbin felt for a pulse, failing to find one. “No output.”

 

Hongbin continued, as Tao and amber gloved up. “Fifty-eight-year-old male, he was found unconscious and not breathing by his wife. He was supposed to wake for his night shift but never came down.”

 

Stepping over to Kris to get ready to take over, Amber dumped the bags she was carrying. Tao kneeled across from Hongbin, waiting for the machine to feedback to them. Tao daren’t look around the room, he didn’t want to see anything which would make him break his composure. “ _Analysing… Please wait… No cardiac output, shock advised._ ”

 

Hongbin leaned back. “Everyone clear, please.” Tao watched as they all raised white, gloved hands into the air.

 

The patient jerked, an unnatural movement which used to make Tao jump himself. It hadn’t done for a while now, after the first few cardiac arrests you got attuned to the raw, unfiltered harshness of it.

 

“ _Shock delivered. Analysing…_ ”

 

The seconds seemed to stretch on for minutes, he could hear Kris catching his breath as he let Amber take over his position. Tao reached for the advanced life support bag, digging to find the adrenaline in anticipation of…

 

“ _Continue chest compressions._ ”

 

Amber was on it, pushing hard and fast on the chest with a set rhythm. CPR wasn’t pretty, the chest compressions alone had to be done with such force that it could break ribs. They quite literally had to keep the blood circulating to the whole body to stop the tissues dying, while they worked to get the heart beating again.

 

When a patient is in cardiac arrest, their blood vessels often collapse, meaning the only way medicine can be administered to them was directly through the bone. It was harsh, but it was life over limb in their line of work.

 

Tao drilled directly into the bone of the man’s leg, while Hongbin prepared a dose of adrenaline. Looking at his pocket watch, Hongbin made a note of the time, writing it down on his latex glove. “First adrenaline at five forty-three.”

 

Amber stopped compressions, taking a deep breath. The machine chimed again. “ _Ventilate_.”

 

Tao reached over, placing the bag valve mask over the tubing, squeezing two times. “Pulse check.”

 

Hongbin once again shook his head, “Keep going.” Amber nodded before getting right back on the chest.

 

“How long has he been in arrest for?” Tao asked.

 

Hongbin took another look at his watch, then again at his glove. “So far, twenty-two minutes.”

 

Tao didn’t reply, just acknowledged it. He saw the wife had come upstairs and was looking at her husband, half shocked, half distraught. As the tears started to come again, Tao was going to comfort her but Kris beat him to it. “Hey, we’re doing all we can, and we’re giving him the best chance right now,” but his words did nothing to alleviate her pain.

 

“I think it’s best that you don’t watch this, we have to be really rough with him.” He tried to shoo her into the other room adjacent to the one they were occupying, but she just ended up crying on Kris’ shoulder.

 

“Tao, try to find a vein, we’ll see if we can get some fluids into him.” Hongbin passed over a hypodermic needle to him.

 

“Guys, I’m feeling some resistance on the chest,” Amber stated but still continued with the compressions.

 

Hongbin eventually found a vein and hooked up fluids, holding them high above his head. As Amber finished compressions, Tao moved his fingers towards the man’s pulse point. “Pulse check.”

 

“No pulse.”

 

“There’s some electrical activity showing on the monitor,” Hongbin pointed, and indeed the machine was picking up some light activity. “He’s really fighting it.”

 

“ _Analysing… Please wait… No cardiac output, shock advised._ ”

 

“Everyone, clear again.” both Amber and Tao raised their gloves. The man jerked once more. They looked towards Hongbin, who was mulling something over in his head. He was thinking about how long they were going to continue for before they would call it.

 

“ _Shock delivered. Analysing…_ ”

 

“If we continue, give another adrenaline,” Tao said.

 

“ _Continue chest compressions_.”

 

Amber cursed under her breath, before resuming. Hongbin repeated his actions, administering another dose of adrenaline, calling out the time and writing it down on his glove.

 

The longer this lasted, the lower the chance of them being able to resuscitate the patient. Tao swallowed, looking to Hongbin, who was watching Amber’s chest compressions with an intense gaze.

 

“Guys, there’s so much resistance there must be a pulse.” Amber huffed out, her sentence broken by every compression.

 

They waited as she reached thirty, calling out for a pulse check. Suddenly, everything went eerily quiet. The only thing Tao could hear was Amber trying to catch her breath. He felt along the man’s wrist pulse point as Hongbin felt his neck.

 

At first, he couldn’t feel anything, but all of a sudden he felt a very light, very faint pulse. “I’ve got a pulse!” Tao called.

 

“Right, we need to get him onto the scoop and onto the stretcher,” Hongbin said loud and clear. Amber stood, legs slightly wobbly from being in the same position for such a long time, darting down the flight of stairs as Kris returned to the room, without the man’s wife.

 

“I’ll call it in.” Tao grabbed his radio, standing to the side and taking a deep breath. He was hopeful, not many patients would fight this much.

 

“6362 to control,” He spoke, waiting for the control operator to acknowledge him.

 

“6362.”

 

“We’re currently in attendance to a cardiac arrest, we’ll be coming into Seoul International with a ROSC.”

 

“Do you have an ETA?”

 

“We’re waiting to get him onto the bus, I’ll notify you when we’re en-route.”

 

“6362, that’s all received, thank you.”

 

When Amber returned, she was carrying the bright yellow plastic scoop, a piece of equipment which splits at both sides and allows them to carry patients in a relatively stable manner. With both parts on either side of the man, they successfully got him onto the scoop, but not before Hongbin paused them.

 

“Pulse check.”

 

It was tense, they waited patiently as both Tao and Hongbin felt for a pulse. Kris and Amber waited, moving closer just in case they were needed for chest compressions again. Hongbin raised a hand to get everyone to be silent.

 

“Okay, I’ve got one.”

 

Resuming, they carefully and meticulously moved the man down the stairs. Along the wall were family portraits and photos. Tao tried his best to not look, but he couldn’t help but glance at them a couple of times. It seemed like the man had children, ones that had grown up and flown the nest. He wondered if his wife had called them, she hadn’t come out of the room to see them yet.

 

After another pulse check, he was loaded onto a stretcher, along with all the equipment he was hooked up to. The patient was loaded into Amber and Tao’s ambulance as the other ambulance entrance was blocked. They all agreed that Hongbin and Tao would travel in the back with the patient while Amber drove, meaning the responsibility of bringing his wife to the hospital fell to Kris.

 

As Kris closed the ambulance doors for them, Tao caught his gaze for a few too many seconds. He really did look hurt, but Tao couldn’t let that affect him at this moment of time. He had responsibilities, and a job to do. He made sure to block it all out of his mind and focus solely on his patient, no one else.

 

Hongbin took a look at the monitor, then his pocket watch. “Let’s do another pulse check.”

 

Feeling at the man’s wrist, he was struggling to feel anything. “I’ve got nothing.”

 

“Me neither.” Hongbin shared a look with him, before moving back onto the man’s chest. Once again, they would restart CPR.

 

As Tao called to Amber and let her know what was happening, Hongbin continued with compressions. “Amber was right, I’m feeling a lot of resistance on his chest.”

 

Briefly glancing at the monitor, it still showed some electrical activity, but neither of them was able to feel a consistent pulse. All the evidence indicated that it wasn’t a problem with his SAN and AVN, but perhaps one with the muscle or even the valves of the heart. Either way, the fact that this man’s body was fighting so hard to try to restart the heart meant both Tao and Hongbin would have to try as hard as possible to keep the blood pumping, keep his body oxygenated to keep his organs working to give him the best chance possible of making a recovery.

 

But all that was banking on them getting a pulse again.

 

It was common for patients who have a return of spontaneous circulation to slip back into cardiac arrest, Tao knew that. He also knew that the man had been medically dead for around half an hour. If they were to get a pulse back, it would be a small, modern-day miracle.

 

As Hongbin reached the end of his thirty compressions, Tao noticed some slight movement from the man’s arms. Arms extended, hands twisted out, he was showing signs of abnormal posturing. “There’s some decerebrate movement in his arms.”

 

“Pulse check.”

 

This time, both of them found a pulse, and the heart monitor was showing a clearer output. Tao took the opportunity to radio in. “6362 to control, we’ll be arriving at Seoul International in approximately eight minutes.”

 

“Thank you, 6362, that’s received. The cardiac team should be waiting for you at the door.”

 

Hongbin hooked the saline up to the roof, taking a moment to breathe, checking the man’s signs once more. Things seemed to be going well.

 

“I think this is the first ROSC I’ve had in months.” He muttered, using the back of his arm to wipe at his forehead, sweaty from the work.

 

Tao hummed. “I think this is Amber’s first, ever.”

 

“Let’s hope it’s the first of many.”

 

Periodically they would check the man’s vital signs to make sure he’d not re-arrested, and fortunately for the rest of the journey, he did not. Amber called back when they were approaching the hospital’s grounds, pulling around to the ambulance entrance of the emergency department where the team should be waiting for handover. Tao felt awful, he knew how busy Seoul International was today, but nearly every other hospital was exactly the same, plus the cardiac team at Seoul International was one of the best. They had no choice but to bring him here.

 

Coming to a stop, Amber came around to open the doors and carry whatever she could. Both Tao and Hongbin focussed on bringing the patient into the major’s department, where a whole hoard of people was waiting. Tao had honestly never seen so many doctors in one place, dressed to the nines in brightly coloured tabards stating their roles in the team.

 

They waited, expectantly, as the man was brought around, bracing and sliding him across onto the bay bed. Before they all looked to Tao, waiting. He swallowed, looking around for a second before starting.

 

“Is everyone ready for handover?” under the watchful gaze of several doctors, Tao felt somewhat nervous. But from the back he could see Sehun, who made direct eye contact with him, almost sensing Tao’s nerves. Sehun gave him a warm smile and a small nod.

 

“Okay, I’ll make a start.” *******

 

\--

 

Kyungsoo was literally about thirty seconds away from tracking down Yixing himself and asking for a prescription for Xanax, because _holy fuck_. What a fucking day.

 

After a hellish afternoon, they managed to get almost everything under control. Well, that was until a red phone call came in for a cardiac arrest, ROSC. Kyungsoo was about to start cursing out every single god, goddess or deity he could think of because surely, surely they had seen what a clusterfuck the past few hours had been, surely they weren’t that cruel.

 

Everyone was burnt out, spent, exhausted. Their shift had come to an end with a bang, cardiac patient somehow making it through into surgery, where surgeons found a faulty valve to be the probable cause of the cardiac arrest. He was an incredibly lucky man.

 

Honestly, all Kyungsoo wanted to do right now is go home, watch a few episodes of some random show, eat a shit ton of vegetable soup, and go to bed.  But he couldn’t. Well actually, he _could_ go, his shift ended a few minutes ago, and he was literally free to leave. But he couldn’t because despite his best efforts, he was on the same shift as Jongin today, and Jongin had most certainly noticed that he was being avoided if his texts were anything to go by.

 

So here he was, like a child, sitting in the staff locker room, completely changed and able to leave but sitting and waiting for at least twenty minutes, just so he could be sure that Jongin had gone before him.

 

He felt like… a total idiot, if he was honest with himself.

 

What he was doing was bad, he knew that. It was unhealthy and totally irrational but Kyungsoo had reasons to distance himself from Jongin, or at least that’s what he told himself every night as he typed out responses to Jongin, all of which were never sent. Jongin liked him, he could see that now, and although he didn’t really want to admit it, he liked Jongin too. But a relationship? He just… couldn’t.

 

So that’s where he was with life, stuck waiting in the locker room in a desperate attempt to avoid someone who really liked him. Yep.

 

He just… couldn’t face being hurt again, because it was most certainly inevitable. He’d never seen a relationship with a colleague work. Only a couple of his friends were in relationships, well, he wasn’t so sure about that number anymore but Minseok and Luhan were. But they didn’t really count, because they A) were not work colleagues, B) we’re both asexual and completely content with their relationship, and C) they were too damn nice for their own good and people like that tended to gravitate towards each other.

 

Guilt was eating him up inside, he felt truly awful. Every time he checked his phone and found notifications from Jongin he felt his resolve crack. He wanted nothing more than to just, tell him he was sorry, that it couldn’t work and the moment back in the minor’s ward was totally and utterly unprofessional. But whenever he went to type a reply, he found himself making excuses. He wasn’t one to ever make excuses.

 

Pressing the home button to check the time (he would allow himself to leave at 7:20 pm, no earlier) he saw texts from his mom, periodically she would text him bible verses or psalms, her way of trying to send comfort and good vibes. He opened her message, reading it over before sighing.

 

From Mommy

> “Better is open rebuke than hidden love.” Proverbs 27:5. Make sure you tell those you hold dear that you hold them in your heart! 

> Also, don’t forget to call your cousin today and wish him a happy birthday!

 

God _ damnit _ , mom. Now he felt even worse.

 

He had two choices. He could either continue with his plan to wait it out in the locker room and keep a distance from Jongin for the foreseeable future, or he could go and talk to him about what happened. Both choices had the potential for a negative outcome, but both had a potential for a positive outcome. Just one would leave him with the guilt. This was all so  _ stupid _ , what the fuck? What was he doing?

 

Now running had never been his strong suit, but he somehow managed to make himself run all the way through the department, out the door where he heard Jongdae and Sehun call to him to ask if he was okay, and into the parking lot. Of course, it was fucking raining, so the floor was slippery as hell, and he hadn’t even put on his jacket because what he was doing was totally spontaneous and probably really stupid but he couldn’t help himself.

 

After nearly getting hit by a car at least three times, Kyungsoo made it to the far section of the parking lot which Jongin preferred to use (“less chance of someone hitting into my car, you know?”). He’d seen Jongin’s car so many times now he could pick it out from a line up of other cars of the exact same model, so he had no problem finding it despite there being about two hundred spaces in this section.

 

He was absolutely soaking wet, droplets falling into his eyes from his hair, but he literally couldn’t care less. When he finally found Jongin’s car, he saw that the other was actually sat inside, typing something on his phone. It was difficult to actually see what he was doing, the rain was coming down so hard it was difficult to see anything really. Reality hit him, and he took a deep breath. What was he supposed to do? Call out to him? Knock on his door? Why were his hands shaking?

 

He didn’t have to do any of those things, because eventually, Jongin put his phone down to start his car, he glanced up, totally not realising Kyungsoo was stood in front of his car for a whole second before he took another look, shock written all over his face. Fumbling with the door handle, he opened up, stepping out with one hand over his forehead to shield himself from the heavy raindrops.

 

“Kyungsoo?”

 

He had no idea what to say, everything he’d planned in his head just flew out. He had a good half of a speech planned, a detailed apology and explanation as to  _ why _ he behaved in such a shitty way, but it’d just gone. The silence became awkward, Jongin getting absolutely drenched in the rainwater whilst he just stood, waiting. Kyungsoo would open his mouth to say something but stopped, words dying before he could get them out. 

 

He took a couple of steps forwards, inching closer to him, seeing Jongin stare at him with a rather confused expression.

 

“Kyungsoo…”

 

He’d been so  _ stupid _ . 

 

“Are you okay?” Jongin closed the space between them until they were both stood out in the road, no cars were around at this time as most of the workers who had got off shift had left within a few minutes. It was just the two of them, in the quiet and the cold rain.

 

A sharp inhale, a shaky exhale. “I’m sorry.” 

 

Blinking in confusion, Jongin tried to read Kyungsoo’s expression. 

 

Swallowing, he tried again. “I… It was wrong of me, to ignore you. I’ve been stupid. I have issues, about-” a sigh. “I have trust issues, and I’d convinced myself that I’d rather lock myself away than get hurt again, and I just couldn’t stop thinking about how  _ dumb _ I was being, then my mom sent a bible verse and-”

 

He was cut off by Jongin. Not with words, but with a soft, warm kiss. Instead of running away like he had done previously, he enjoyed it, bringing his hands up, resting them on Jongin’s sides, pulling him closer. 

 

After a blissful moment, their lips parted. Kyungsoo didn’t let go, though. He looked up to Jongin, seeing the other smiling at him. “Sorry, I hope you don’t mind that I did that. Kinda wanted to do it the first time.”

 

Kyungsoo shook his head. “No, no. It’s fine, don’t apologise.”

 

“I think we should talk about this properly, so we’re on the same page.”

 

He laughed, returning the smile. “Yeah. We probably should.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


A/N: Hello friends! Cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR) is something everyone should learn as it truly could save someone’s life! I thought I’d give a guide on how to do CPR at the end of this chapter, I recommend you read up on it too! CPR is to be performed on patients found unresponsive and not breathing, so it is important that you do checks beforehand. The information given below is taken directly from the NHS website.

  1. Place the heel of your hand on the breastbone at the centre of the person’s chest. Place your other hand on top of your first hand and interlock your fingers.
  2. Position yourself with your shoulders above your hands.
  3. Using your body weight (not just your arms), press straight down by 5-6cm (2-2.5 inches) on their chest.
  4. Keeping your hands on their chest, release the compression and allow the chest to return to its original position.  
  5. Repeat these compressions at a rate of 100 to 120 times per minute until an ambulance arrives or you become exhausted.



If you are able and willing, you can also do rescue breaths. You would do two rescue breaths after every 30 chest compressions:

  * Tilt the casualty's head gently and lift the chin up with two fingers. Pinch the person’s nose. Seal your mouth over their mouth and blow steadily and firmly into their mouth for about one second. Check that their chest rises. Give two rescue breaths.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :0 pls leave a comment i'm lonely


	12. On My Mind

**No Tag Warnings Apply**

 

On the way back to Jongin’s apartment (they decided it was best to go there since it was closer to the hospital) it started to thunder. A storm which had been threatening to come all day had finally hit and honestly, it was nice. Though the car journey was silent, Kyungsoo relished in the warmth of the car heater and the sounds of the thunder crackling in the distance. Afterwards, he felt guilty because he realised he’d gotten into Jongin’s car completely soaked through and had probably fucked up the seat.

 

After being ushered into the apartment, Jongin rushed forward to turn on all the lights as Kyungsoo looked around awkwardly, toeing off his soggy shoes and pushing his hair back once more. The decor was… not what he’d been expecting.

 

From the texts they’d exchanged and the time they’d spent together so far, Kyungsoo saw Jongin as a really warm person, kind and welcoming. But his apartment was anything but. There was hardly any furniture or personal effects, most of the pieces were cream and leather with a glass table on the far side, fruit bowl empty. It was definitely a surprise, he didn’t know why but he’d kind of built it up in his head that Jongin probably had loads of soft toys and posters… looks like he’d read him all wrong.

 

There was a fireplace, at least. They both kind of needed that right now.

 

Jongin brought in blankets and two mugs, placing them down before throwing one of the blankets around Kyungsoo’s shoulders. He wanted to protest, knowing he would get it wet, but Jongin shushed him, telling him he didn’t mind.

 

They both took a seat on each of the couches in the corner, Jongin lit the fireplace and Kyungsoo instantly felt its benefit. There was an uncomfortable pause as they both sat in silence, Jongin taking a moment to look at how drenched Kyungsoo’s hair was. He smirked, and Kyungsoo could tell he was about to laugh. “Don’t start…”

 

Letting out the laugh, Jongin grinned at him. “Start what?”

 

“I know I look like shit, okay? I didn’t exactly plan to do this… it was a spur of the moment thing, blame my mom.”

 

“No, you don’t look like shit. You look really handsome, even though your hair is starting to dry funny.”

 

Kyungsoo hoped the dim lighting would hide his blush.

 

“So…” he started.

 

“So…?”

 

Kyungsoo had never felt so awkward. “What does this mean… for us, I mean. What do we do now?”

 

“Well… what do you want to do now?” Jongin asked, taking a small sip of hot chocolate.

 

Pausing, Kyungsoo thought for a moment. He hasn’t exactly gotten that far, all he knew was how he felt and his problems which would probably impact any kind of relationship. “I don’t know, I didn’t really anticipate this happening, especially not in this way.”

 

Nodding, Jongin set his mug down. “Well, why don’t we just take it slow, do it the right way.” 

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Proper dates, actually romantic ones, then we’ll see from there.”

 

Kyungsoo laughed. “You want to court me or something?”

 

Jongin glanced at the floor, looking a bit bashful, then back up to Kyungsoo, smiling gently. “I don’t know if you noticed before, but I actually really, really like you. I have done for quite some time now.”

 

Oh.

 

 _Oh_.

 

“H-how long?” 

 

“I don’t know, months? I, um. I tried to do nice things for you, like little things, hoping you would notice, but I don’t think I was very good at it?”

“Or I was just blind.”

 

“Well, that is a possibility.”

 

Blinking a couple of times, he looked back at the past few months, thinking of all the things Jongin had done for him, Kyungsoo just saw them as _favours_. He didn’t realise at all that it was Jongin’s own way of trying to woo him. God, he was a fucking blind idiot. The times Jongin had made him lunch, brought him coffee, left him nice sticky notes on the nurses' station- what other things had he done that Kyungsoo hadn’t realised?

 

“I’m sorry…”

 

Shaking his head, Jongin moved over, deciding that sitting next to Kyungsoo was probably better. “No, please don’t be sorry. Honestly, I should have just said something to you outright. I was just…”

 

“Just what?”

 

“I was… scared of the rejection.”

 

Kyungsoo laughed, making Jongin look up at him in confusion. “I guess that makes two of us, then.”

 

He joined in with the laughter, nudging his own knee against Kyungsoo’s. The awkwardness had passed, and all that was left was comfortable, warm, enjoyable. Both of them stared off into the distance, watching the small light orange flames lick at the faux coal, warm tones dancing behind the screen. On the other side of the room, large glass windows showed a beautiful city view, and of course all the rain. The place didn’t seem to feel so cold now.

 

“Looking back now I feel like my reaction wasn’t rational, I just got into my head and didn’t think straight. I’m sorry I ignored you like that, believe me when I say that’s not what I’m normally like,” Kyungsoo felt himself leaning on Jongin’s side. 

 

“You don’t have to apologise, going in for the kiss like that just felt like the right thing to do in the moment. I should have asked.” Jongin shook his head. 

 

Kyungsoo laughed. “Well, I mean, I didn’t mind. I felt really flattered.” 

He didn’t reply, but he looked fondly at the fireplace. Kyungsoo found himself almost leaning his head on Jongin’s shoulder. He was just the right height and with the blankets, he had a rather comfy shoulder. 

 

“Kyungsoo?” 

 

“Yes?”

 

“Earlier you said you had trust issues… where do they stem from?” 

 

Swallowing, Kyungsoo suddenly felt like an open book. He wasn’t really thinking when he said what he said, he just panicked and words came out. If he could go back and do it again, he would probably leave that part out…

 

“Uh, past relationships I guess.”

 

“If you don’t want to talk about it then you don’t have to-“

 

“No, no. It’s fine. I’ve just been hurt in the past, things always ended on bad terms. They made comments which, I don’t know, I guess they messed with my confidence in that regard.” 

 

“You mean your confidence with relationships?”

 

He nodded. 

 

Kyungsoo nearly jumped when he felt Jongin’s hand touch his knee. He sat up, looking up at the other. “They clearly didn’t understand you. Regardless, what they think doesn’t even matter. You’re an amazing person, you’re talented, incredibly intelligent, and so strong. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.” 

 

Blinking, Kyungsoo tried to process what Jongin had just said. Unfortunately, it was always easier said than done, and he knew that it would take months of being reassured by not only himself for him to truly believe it. After being reminded of all the times he’d been told such nasty things, the repressed memories started to come to the surface, he really really didn’t want to think about it at all, if possible, so he tried to change the topic of conversation from himself to Jongin.

 

“What about you, how come you were reluctant to say anything?”

 

A sad smile, then he reached to pick up his mug. “There’s just been some occasions where I’ve given more than I’ve received, and times where I’ve been humiliated. But it’s all in the past now, I like to think I’ve changed my outlook. Or at least, someone changed it.”

 

“Who?”

 

“You, silly.”

 

“Honestly? How anyone could be an asshole to someone as kind as you is beyond me.”

 

“Their opinions don’t matter, they weren’t exactly the nicest people either, so don’t worry about it.”

 

Kyungsoo glanced up at Jongin. The other's hair was also dripping wet, but his was parted at the side and still looked so nice. “So, how about it then?”

 

Opening his mouth to reply, Kyungsoo smiled a bit. “I’d love to go on dates with you, yes.”

 

Reaching over, Jongin gently brushed the few odd strands of hair out of Kyungsoo’s eyes, his touch lingering. The maintained their eye contact, as Jongin’s hand slipped down to Kyungsoo’s blanketed back. Kyungsoo could almost swear that Jongin was searching for something in his eyes, he saw his lips quirk into a little smile.

 

“Perfect,” Jongin said, voice barely above a whisper.

 

\--

 

“-and then tonight we’re planning on going to an Italian restaurant, not sure which one yet but Chanyeol says that La Romantica is the best one, but I’ve read online that-”

 

Jongdae would literally give any amount of money to disappear, right now.

 

“-he said don’t worry about the price though because he would cover it. He’s honestly such a gentleman, I think I’m going to introduce him to my mom-”

 

No, seriously. Any amount. Anything. 

 

“-like last week we went to the movies to watch one of those superhero movies, you know I don’t really care about stuff like that but Chanyeol is so passionate about comics-”

 

Good god, did he ever _shut up?_

 

“-and Chanyeol said-”

 

“-So Chanyeol thinks-”

 

“But maybe Chanyeol will-”

 

“Chanyeol-”

 

“-on Chanyeol.”

 

“Maybe Chanyeol-”

 

“BAEK. I get it, I get it. Can we stop talking about Chanyeol now?”

 

He hadn’t realised how loud he’d been until he saw Baekhyun looking at him, bewildered. Jongdae sighed heavily, turning back to the computer to try and clear some of the backlogs of files to update, but Baekhyun was still staring at him with a look that Jongdae couldn’t quite decipher. 

 

“Well, who put a stick up _your_ ass today…”

 

Oh for fuck sake.

 

Jongdae sighed. “Baek, you’ve been talking about Chanyeol since the start of our shift, it’s nearly lunch break. I’m merely saying maybe we could benefit from a change in topic, one that maybe _I_ could contribute to?”

 

Honestly, though, he really had spent literally every waking minute of their shift talking about Park motherfucking Chanyeol and at some points had vaguely mentioned said man’s dick. Jongdae already had enough nightmares, he didn’t need any more, thank you very much. Regardless, talking about the man made Jongdae realise how much of an insecure waste of space he was, and honestly? Truly? He wanted Baekhyun to shut his pretty mouth.

 

“Fine, god, you’ve been so weird lately,” and Jongdae could practically hear the distaste in Baekhyun’s voice.

 

“How have I been weird?”

 

“I don’t know, you just seem really snappy, you know?”

 

Jongdae visibly pouted. He didn’t think he’d been that bad, admittedly the last few days had been trying, especially when Baekhyun had gone on a day trip to another city with Chanyeol, some kind of extravagant ‘date’. Chanyeol had taken him to some restaurant, one which had Baekhyun’s favourite dish. In that exact moment, Jongdae declared Park Chanyeol his mortal enemy, as Jongdae had often dreamed of having his first date with Baekhyun in the other’s favourite pasta place. Park Chanyeol took that away from him, the bastard.

 

“I’m sorry, I’ve just had a lot on my mind, and I guess we haven’t really been able to spend much time together, especially now you’re with Chanyeol.”

 

Baekhyun gave Jongdae a cheeky smile. “Awwww, is someone jealous?”

 

YES. Like you wouldn’t _believe_ -

 

“No, I’m not jealous, just feel like I don’t see you much now.”

 

“We work together nearly every day, is that not enough for you?” Baekhyun half-joked.

 

“You know what I mean, Baek.”

 

“Hey, I’ll make it up to you! Why don’t we grab a bite to eat tonight?”

 

Suddenly, things weren’t so bad anymore. “Yeah, I’d love to. Where would you like to go?”

 

“Let’s go to the chicken wing place, the one that does the super sticky soy sauce?”

 

Ah yes, Baekhyun’s second favourite restaurant. Of course.

 

“Great, text me a time and I’ll be there.”

 

\--

 

Sehun had just finished a shift, one which wasn’t as bad as previous ones but was still quite draining. His mom had asked him to stop at the pet store and bring back some weird gourmet cat food sachets that her damn cat had gotten accustomed to, so he was trying to find the closest one to the hospital when a notification came through.

 

From Tao:  
> hey, I just wanted to thank you for giving me that little boost yesterday. I was so nervous for no reason lmao  
> I owe you one

 

Sehun smiled to himself, before typing back.

 

To Tao:  
> Hey, no worries, it was a tough job you were probably exhausted

 

From Tao:  
> Even so, I’ll make it up to you!

 

Sehun could feel himself blush, and he suddenly felt self-conscious. He had absolutely no reason to, he was literally just walking to his car, but just thinking about Tao thinking about _him_ made him feel all gooey inside. Was that weird?

 

To Tao:   
> how about you buy me a drink later? Then we’ll be square

 

He regretted it almost as soon as he sent it, he knew Tao was still dealing with a lot at the moment at adding to it was not Sehun’s intention at all. When he saw the bubble to say Tao was typing he mentally prepared himself for absolute rejection, embarrassment and disappointment. But…

 

From Tao:  
> Okay, it’s a date :)

 

Sehun was so happy he could do _cartwheels_.

 

\--

 

Baekhyun had told him 7:30 PM, that he just needed to quickly change his clothes and then he’d be ready to go eat. Jongdae told him he’d meet him there, and that he’d be waiting outside until Baekhyun got there so they could go in together. 

 

And that was where he was.

 

On his journey over it started to rain again, and normally Jongdae wouldn’t mind but he had forgotten to bring a jacket or umbrella, so he was absolutely soaking wet. The wing restaurant had a small canopy which Jongdae was seeking shelter under, but it was too late at that point, his hair was a total mess and his shirt was nearly sheer from the rain, looking back it probably wasn’t a good idea to wear a pastel coloured shirt, but hindsight was a wonderful thing.

 

The rain was only one of the reasons he was not happy, it was 8:12 PM and Baekhyun was not responding to texts or answering his calls. He literally had no idea where the other was and had had no way of finding out. 

 

So he’d been stood in the rain waiting the whole time.

 

“Hey Baek, it’s me, I thought you said we were meeting at seven thirty? Well it’s nearly quarter past eight and you’re not answering my calls, are you running late? Get back to me when you can.” 

 

Jongdae felt embarrassed leaving a voicemail, but he had no choice. He was cold, wet and hungry and Baekhyun was a no-show. What was he supposed to do? After some futile attempts to spark his lighter, Jongdae lit his cigarette and inhaled deeply. He'd not had one all day and he was pretty proud of himself but now he felt like trash, so it made sense that he'd smoke. 

 

In the end, he waited another half an hour, and Baekhyun had still not responded or shown up. Jongdae was already on his third cigarette when he decided that waiting was useless, he angrily flicked the spent end into the street before ordering wings to go and heading home, feeling even shittier than he had done before. Sometimes he didn’t understand why he had a crush on such a shitty person, especially one who was supposed to be his best friend. But he did, he definitely had a crush on him, and it made everything just that little bit more painful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this... a filler chapter? absolutely... am I done torturing Jongdae? absolutely NOT. Any spelling errors will be fixed tomorrow because I wanted to get this up rn as I'm going on a little hiatus while I do some travelling this week, so I won't be active! please leave a comment :0 I got lots of love for the last chapter and it totally made me write faster, trust and believe <3


	13. You Ain't Even Missing Me, Baby (So Why Do I Want You So Badly?)

**T/W: Discussions of plastic surgery, minor mentions of alcohol and drug use**

 

 

“Just right through here please, take a seat by the table for now.” Kyungsoo said softly, reaching to grab a fresh pair gloves.

 

His next patient was sniffling slightly, well, he thought she was. He couldn’t really differentiate between sniffling and attempts to breathe through her nose. When Kyungsoo turned to look at her again, he faked a smile. On the inside he was cringing…

 

The girl had come in looking like she was dressed in a halloween costume, black eyes and bandages across her face and around her cheeks. Kyungsoo had heard from another member of staff that she was a walk in who had come in complaining of pain and a fever, and Baekhyun had practically screamed at the sight.

 

“So, your notes say you recently underwent cosmetic rhinoplasty, correct?”

 

She nodded. The poor thing looked absolutely dishevelled. Cosmetic surgery often took it out of the patients, lethargic, achy and desperate for a soothing bath. Her long, caramel coloured locks were oily and tied up in a messy, knotty bun, and her face was swollen and bruised. She looked like she’d gone three rounds with a boxer, no amount of concealer could cover those black eyes.

 

“And are you pleased with the results?”

 

A shrug.

 

“Have you had a follow up appointment yet?”

 

She blinked, but it was slow. A quick glance at her notes showed she was on some very strong painkillers. Lovely. “I went on Monday, the doctor said everything looked fine, but he didn’t really listen when I said that there was fluid coming from the stitches.”

 

Kyungsoo sighed. It wasn’t exactly a secret that Korea was well known for cosmetic procedures, but unfortunately not all the doctors were honest. Kyungsoo had heard it all before, the doctors would ignore signs of infection until they could no longer be held accountable for their sub par hygiene regulations.

 

“Am I okay to have a little look? I just want to see how your breathing is.”

 

She nodded, shuffling on the bench. Kyungsoo grabbed some sterile mini forceps and a torch, tilting her head back to see up. He could already see some signs of infection around the stitches, pus and redness. Most likely very uncomfortable.

 

“Have you been able to breathe through your nose properly, like you could before the surgery?”

 

Humming, she blinked again. “I’m not too sure, when I lie down I find it harder to take breaths through my nose, but he said it was because there was swelling.”

 

“Well, yes, some of it would be attributed to swelling but there’s supposed to be cartilage keeping your airways wide enough for you to breathe.”

 

Looking up, he could see the problem. Slight deviation.

 

“What doctor did you go to?”

 

“One in Gangnam, my friend recommended him to me, I have his card if you’d like it?”

 

He didn’t want to take offence, but part of him felt like she was saying he needed a nose job himself. He smiled, took the card and got ready to clean the stitches. She’d need to be on a strong course of antibiotics to fight off the infection, he didn’t want her to have any further complications, even though she may have just read him…

 

Whilst he cleaned, he explained that there was a problem with the cartilage causing the breathing problems. She was shocked, but she probably shouldn’t have been, as it turns out she’d paid a very, very low price for the procedure. Doctors that asked for that low an amount probably didn’t know what they were doing, or at least didn’t have a specialty. Kyungsoo had friends who’d had procedures in the past, but they’d done so much research to find the right doctor that their results were perfect and natural looking. Surgery was not something you wanted to do on a budget.

 

After she was referred to ENT, he stopped at the nurses station. A quick google of the website printed on the card showed the doctor she’d seen, and his supposed ‘portfolio’ of work. He tutted, this guy looked like a total fraud. No one would be able to perform surgery to that level of quality for such a low price. He was in two minds to report him to the board and the police.

 

“Why are you looking at plastic surgery offices?”

 

Jumping, Kyungsoo turned around, back to the computer with his eyes wide. Jongin was giving him a puzzled look, but Kyungsoo couldn’t really focus on that. He was looking at Jongin’s _glasses_. He didn’t even know he wore glasses! He looked so cute-

 

“Earth to Kyungsoo, you there?” he waved a hand in front of Kyungsoo’s eyes, snapping him out of his daze.

 

“It’s nothing! Someone came in with an infection post surgery, this was the guy who did it.” he gestured back to the webpage.

 

“Ah, I see. I thought you were looking for yourself or something…”

 

“No, no. I- I actually quite like my nose…” Kyungsoo emphasised his point by running a finger down the bridge of his nose.

 

Jongin laughed. “Me too, it’s cute.”

 

He didn’t know why, but instinctively he covered his nose, and the lower half of his face as he blushed, making Jongin laugh even more.

 

“Before you bust a vessel from blushing so hard, do you want to get dinner with me after work tonight?”

 

Without uncovering his face he nodded, trying to convey a smile with his eyes. It seemed to be a success, but he could never be one-hundred percent sure.

 

“Perfect, I’ll meet you by my car?” another nod.

 

After Jongin left, mumbling something about his supervisor getting at him for the amount of time he spent in the ER, Kyungsoo finally uncovered his face, but he couldn’t help but still feel flustered. He had to talk to the pharmacist about getting some antibiotics sorted for his patient, but he couldn’t really focus. Jongin called his nose cute.

 

“Hey, Sehun! Look! Kyungsoo’s blushing.” Minseok called from the other side of the nurses station, glasses balanced precariously on the end of his nose. Sehun walked behind Minseok, arms full of patient files, giving Kyungsoo a coo before continuing to wherever.

 

“Shut the fuck up, Minseok, or I’ll tell Luhan you don’t like his cooking.”

 

Paling, Minseok ducked his head down and carried on typing away, ignoring Kyungsoo’s smug look.

 

\--

 

Self-care. Yes. That’s exactly what Jongdae was doing.

 

He totally hadn’t taken an impromptu sick day to avoid seeing Baekhyun, no. This morning he genuinely had felt a bit peaky, but he thinks that was because he’d stayed up late watching adorable youtube couples vlogging and crying into his cold, soggy chicken wings.

 

He didn’t know what to think, really. He’d spend so long sitting on this crush for Baekhyun, imagining how amazing things would be if they dated, picturing the both of them doing the things that the stupidly happy youtubers were doing. He wanted to pick out carpets with Baekhyun and Baekhyun only! He wanted to vlog stupid trips to Ikea with Baekhyun.

 

He did not want to be crying because of Baekhyun.

 

He felt stupid. He’d built up this perfect narrative of someone who he knew didn’t like him back. He’d been setting himself up for failure from the jump, but even though he knew in his head that Baekhyun obviously wasn’t interested, his heart wasn’t listening. No, it wasn’t just listening, it was letting calls run to voicemail then blocking him. Goddamnit, he knew he shouldn’t have fallen asleep listening to New Rules by Dua Lipa last night, because now he’s laid on his bed thinking of phone metaphors.

 

Sehun had texted him a couple of times, but he’d pied him off. Sehun would one-hundred percent scold him for acting like a total baby, and he wasn’t in any kind of emotional state to deal with any of that. He swiped off of Sehun’s chat and looked at the one with Baekhyun, the absolute dick hadn’t even bothered to text him back from three nights ago. But that hadn’t stopped him checking every couple of hours, just in case his phone had glitched out or something.

 

Evening had fallen at this point, he’d gone back to sleep after calling in sick and not woken again until after lunchtime. He’d not even left the apartment once today, and that was fine, because he didn’t have a reason to, since no one really bothered with him. So now here he was, watching horrific romance dramas and drinking a Jongdae supreme (literally anything mixed with vodka), doing a face mask, and smoking something a bit stronger than a cigarette, because honestly? He just wanted to forget about Baekhyun.

 

“Fuck me. I’m a fucking loser.” he laughed, but it was hollow. He took another toke, blowing the smoke towards the open window near the edge of the sofa.

 

There were a list of reasons as to why Jongdae was mad. Upset. Bitter. The top one being that he had got his hopes up. The second was that he’d fallen for someone as vain and selfish as Baekhyun. The last and probably worst one was that even though a good 50% of him hated Baekhyun, the other 50% was still making excuses for him.

 

The woman in the drama was crying, the male lead had blown her off with his toxic, chauvinistic and downright rude behaviour. The typical plot to all those cliche heterosexual romance dramas. Jongdae lifted the crudely done roll up towards the screen.

 

“You and me both, bitch.”

 

\--

 

It was lunchtime, well, lunchtime for people working the nightshift. So somewhere around dawn. Even after years of working in different shift patterns, it still felt awfully weird eating evening dishes in the early hours of the morning. But Yixing wasn’t going to complain, he was incredible hungry. He hadn’t managed to get a break until now, and he’d kind of skipped his evening meal (the one actually in the evening, before work) and he was feeling a little worse for wear. Thank goodness he’d got an office with space, because he could have his own kettle, with his own tea and coffee. It was the little things that made night shifts bearable.

 

He’d been slowly making his way though some thrown together leftovers, nothing that really appealed to him even with his hunger. He really _really_ craved his mother’s cooking, which was a common occurence on night shifts. He was watching the light creep over the horizon, turning the sky a nice warm orange. Relishing in the comfort of his office chair, he kicked back. It was the first time that evening that he’d been able to take a moment to himself and just relax. It was during which that he noticed a piece of paper was out of place on his desk.

 

A blue piece of lined paper, folded twice. Yixing didn’t even own blue paper, let alone write on any. He didn’t even have to unfold the page to know that it was definitely not his handwriting, because he never really wrote in pink ink.

 

‘ _Yixing, I noticed you are a lot quieter than usual. If you would like to talk at all, don’t hesitate to message me. - Junmyeon._ ' written below was a mobile number.

 

Ah, Junmyeon. That man was way too kind for his own good. He added him as a contact, using his full name instead of some emojis, he had to at least pretend to be professional. Fortunately for him, his anxiety didn’t really have any effect on texting. Calling people, yeah, that was always a problem, but texting was weirdly fine. He decided to text Junmyeon right away to let him know he’d got his note and thank him, ignoring the flashes of images from his, ahem, dream.

 

To Junmyeon Kim:

> Hi Junmyeon, it’s Yixing. Thank you for the note, I am sorry I have been so quiet recently, I did not mean to worry you.

 

After triple checking for spelling or grammar mistakes, he sent it, turning to look at the sunrise once more. He was going to finish up his food before getting back to work, but he was interrupted by the sound of his phone. Well, it seemed Junmyeon was awake. At 1:09AM.

 

From Junmyeon Kim:

> I’m so glad you messaged me! How are you? Are you okay?

 

Now Yixing knew that Junmyeon wasn’t working the night shift, because he would have seen him at some point. There had been a couple of rather poorly babies that had been brought in, and the pediatrician that had consulted him was a soft spoken lady, and definitely not Junmyeon. So realistically, Junmyeon had no reason to be awake this late.

 

To Junmyeon Kim:

> Yes, I’m okay, don’t worry. But how come you are up so late? You should be resting.

> You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to haha

 

He felt a bit panicky, he hoped that Junmyeon didn’t think he was being nosey or anything. He was genuinely concerned.

 

From Junmyeon Kim

> Oh! I have night shift tomorrow

> well, friday I mean

> since it passed midnight I suppose it is friday haha!!

> So I’m just forcing myself to stay up then I’ll sleep later

>Late night TV can be funny!

 

Yixing laughed, Junmyeon really texted like a teenage girl, sending thousands of messages at once instead of condensing it into one message.

 

To Junmyeon Kim:  
> Oh I see, you’ll be working with me then

> What are you watching?

 

From Junmyeon Kim:  
> OH! That's good, do you want to get dinner with me before our shift?

> and nothing special hahaha I’m just channel surfing between shopping channels and cartoons

 

Shopping channels? Cartoons? Was Junmyeon actually sat watching late night runs of sonic the hedgehog?

 

Wait, dinner?

 

To Junmyeon Kim:

> You mean like a restaurant or?

> Like the cafeteria haha?

 

From Junmyeon Kim:

> Well we could go anywhere you’d like

> Have you been to many restaurants in the local area?

> I know this incredible BBQ place they do the best soups

> But we can go anywhere you’d like haha we don’t have to go to a restaurant if you don’t want to haha!!

 

Well, Junmyeon did make a fair point. The only restaurants he’d been to weren’t exactly fancy, they were usually Chinese ones he’d go to whenever he missed home. He’d only been to one BBQ place since he’d come over, and it was a really awkward work party where his superior got really drunk and they had to take him home. Not fun. It wouldn’t hurt to go somewhere together, plus it was totally acceptable for friends to go to BBQ… right?

 

To Junmyeon Kim:

> well I trust your judgement, I’m sure it will be amazing

 

From Junmyeon Kim:

> Is that a yes???

 

To Junmyeon Kim:

> Of course! I’d love to go

 

From Junmyeon Kim:

> OMG great!!!!! I’m excited for soup

 

To Junmyeon Kim:

> Haha I bet

> I’ll text you later, my break is over now

> :(

 

From Junmyeon Kim:

> Work hard!!! Speak to you soon!!

> :)))

 

And he did, he worked very hard. He even struck up a conversation with one of the nurses during a medication review of an elderly lady, and for once it didn’t feel awkward or forced. Maybe that smiley face Junmyeon sent brought him some good luck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Long time no see eh? How have you guys been? I've been caught up with the World Cup for the past couple of weeks (It's coming home in 2022), also virtual prize for the first person to guess where the title name comes from :)))) I hope you enjoy this chapter, and for all concerned, I won't be torturing poor Jongdae for much longer I promise. Which couple are you most invested in right now? Would any of you be interested in some side chapters which are one pairing only? If so which would you like to see first? (sorry for the 20 Q's) I well and truly love you guys, I really appreciate the feedback you're giving me each chapter (I'll reply to comments tonight I promise!), I'm so grateful to have so many nice readers <3 see you soon!


	14. Fireball Cinnamon Whisky & Long Island Iced Teas

**T/W: Alcohol mentions, Sexual themes**

 

 

“Soondubu jjigae… or bulgogi ddukbaegi?”

 

Yixing had _no_ idea what either of those were like.

 

Junmyeon was closely inspecting the menu, he’d already decided what they were going to have for appetizers, now he was choosing soup. Yixing had given him complete control over what they were going to eat since he was the expert and all. He’d been thinking out loud, talking himself through the options before making his selection.

 

The lady came and took the order, prepping the grill and ventilator before returning again with their drinks. Yixing really enjoyed the honey and ginger teas that you could get in Korea, though they were sweet, they did help keep you awake. Junmyeon had chosen a barley tea instead, taking a small sip before the barbecue meats arrived.

 

“So, when was the last time you had barbecue?” Junmyeon asked, holding his hand over the grill to see if it was hot enough, it seemed so, as he started placing the thin cut pieces of beef onto the sizzling metal.

 

Yixing just watched, picking at his fingernails under the table. He wasn’t really comfortable when he was the topic of conversation. “Only once, but I didn’t really eat anything.”

 

“That’s no good, you should forget about that one time and pretend this is the first time you’ve ever stepped foot into a barbecue place.”

 

“I’ll try.” he laughed, but it was nervous.

 

Most of Junmyeon’s attention was on the grill, waiting until the perfect time to turn the pieces of meat over. Yixing looked him up and down, thankfully the warm weather was beginning to break and cooler temperatures were coming. Junmyeon had dressed appropriately for the climate, a smart button-down shirt and a cardigan. Yixing couldn’t help but stare at the knitting pattern, the cardigan itself almost looked handmade-

 

“Is- Is there something on my clothes?”

 

Oh _fuck_ , he’d been staring for too long.

 

“N-no! I was just… I was just admiring your cardigan, it’s very nice.” Yixing panicked a bit, eyes darting down to the food in front of him.

 

“Oh! Thank you, I made it myself.” Junmyeon stroked the wool.

 

Wait, what? “You knit?”

 

“I used to, whilst I was studying medicine. But since I got my job I’ve never really had the chance.”

 

“That’s amazing, I’ve always wanted to learn.”

 

As he dished out some cooked pieces, Junmyeon gave him a soft smile. “If you want, I’ll teach you.”

 

Yixing’s answer was non-verbal, he just quickly stuffed his face with as much banchan and meat as he could. He’d never really been a fan of kimchi before, but the green onion type kimchi was a lot nicer than he’d expected it to be.

 

“Yixing, can I ask you something?” Junmyeon asked, leaning back so the waitress could place the soup down in front of them both, Yixing nodded, trying his best to chew through a large amount of food.

 

“Do you feel nervous when you’re around new people?”

 

Yixing literally choked.

 

Coughing and spluttering, he reached for his tea, taking a big gulp before dabbing at his face with the napkin. Junmyeon watched on, a piece of meat falling from between his chopsticks. He could practically feel his heartbeat in his ears, that was how intense the blush was. “I-I’m sorry, I don’t know what happened there…”

 

Junmyeon laughed. “You don’t have to keep saying ‘I’m sorry’, it’s fine.”

 

“I’m- sorry…”

 

He smiled, but it wasn’t patronising. It was knowing. “You’re a shy person, I know that. I just want you to feel comfortable with being around me.”

 

“I-I…”

 

“My cousin has social anxiety, it takes her a really long time to warm up to people she’s only just met, she becomes a recluse. But after some time she’s a lot better.”

 

“Wait! I- can explain…” Yixing said, holding his hand up.

 

It took him a few moments to collect himself, taking a deep breath. He wiped his hands on his thighs, palms feeling sticky and too warm. “I have an anxiety disorder.”

 

Junmyeon waited patiently, passing more meat to Yixing’s as he did so, and Yixing really appreciated it. It was almost like he was able to take comfort from Junmyeon’s calmness. “I’ve always had problems with mental health, but since coming to Korea it has worsened. The language barrier made things difficult for a while, and by the time I’d become proficient enough, I was already isolated.”

 

“I understand.” He says, pushing more banchan plates towards Yixing.

 

“I… know how taboo mental illness is here and I didn’t want anyone to know, in my last position, in a previous hospital, a colleague saw my own prescription and they, well, let’s just say I wasn’t treated the same after.”

 

“How rude of them! They should never have done that.” Junmyeon genuinely looked shocked.

 

“I soon learnt my lesson. I just didn’t want to be treated differently, but it’s hard to act like something isn’t bothering you when really it is.”

 

There was a pause, Junmyeon took the opportunity to put more items on the grill whilst Yixing tried the soup. It had tofu in, so he assumed it was the soondubu jjigae. He’d seen Junmyeon take the larger pieces from the soup and eat those directly, then putting the soup with some of the rice. He mimicked him because he wasn’t exactly sure what was the best way to eat it, but it tasted good and wasn’t at all overpowering. Junmyeon did have good taste.

 

“I think I knew, in a way. After we got coffee together. You had so many mannerisms that reminded me of my cousin. I didn’t want to scare you away, but I just wanted to make sure that you always have someone to talk to, you shouldn’t have to feel alone.” he nodded, before going back to grilling.

 

“I appreciate it, I really do.”

 

“Working where we do, we see so many things, good and bad. We see people from all walks of life, from all kinds of situations. We don’t judge them, so why should we judge each other?”

 

Although there was no eye contact, Yixing felt like he could really see into Junmyeon’s head. He couldn’t help but smile, he tried to hide it with his cup.

 

Then, he realised he hadn't exactly apologised for being such an ass this past month. “Oh, I just want to say, I’m sorry for… kind of hiding away these last few weeks. Every time I socialise with someone new my brain goes into overdrive and I always end up doubting myself. I’d pretty much convinced myself that you hated me, even though you’d not even done anything to me.”

 

“Awww, don’t worry about it. There’s no hate here, only love,” he smiled so wide that his eyes crinkled up, gosh, it was cute.

 

Yixing felt… comfortable. It was refreshing, how easy it was to have a lighthearted conversation with Junmyeon, especially after discussing such a raw topic. Of course, his mind told him that he’d overshared, would probably scare him away, but that inner saboteur’s voice was much quieter. For now, all he could hear was Junmyeon happily talking about the paediatric ward’s highly anticipated animal day. It was warm, pleasant, and for the first time in a long time, guilt-free.

 

\--

 

It had started off as a couple of drinks together after work. Honest.

 

Somehow that had morphed into a really weird night with Amber and her friends, in a loud techno and electronica music club. So far.

 

Genuinely they’d both been chatting with each other in one of the local pubs, Sehun was feeling frustrated at some of the patients he’d had to deal with during his shift so he’d been venting to Tao, and Tao didn’t mind at all. He understood him really. It was relaxed, it didn’t feel forced at all, which was welcomed. They were thinking of heading off home because Sehun had to keep his sleep pattern stable but that was promptly shut down when Amber and her whole group of girlfriends walked in, dressed to the nines in figure-hugging outfits and lavish makeup.

 

“Tao! Oh my god!” he heard, before Amber dashed over, waving at them both. Tao wasn’t really surprised to see her here, a lot of staff came to this pub because occasionally the owner would give a discount. Though he was surprised to see her dressed up the way she was.

 

“Amber, I didn’t recognise you.” He stood, hugging her before sparing a small glance at Sehun who looked beyond confused.

 

She laughed, and Tao could already smell booze on her. Her friends wandered off to the bar to order some drinks. “I know, I dress up like this very rarely but it’s Sunyoung’s birthday so we’re going hard.”

 

“Oh? Are you going clubbing?”

 

He probably shouldn’t have asked.

 

Amber’s eyes lit up “Yes! You have to come!”

 

Looking back, he knew now he definitely shouldn’t have asked.

 

Tao can fully recall the first half an hour after Amber arrived, they joined the table and brought with them not just drinks but bottles. Bottles of liquor. Sehun was just laughing and going along with it, luckily he knew Soojung from the emergency department as she often worked shifts with him, so it wasn’t totally awkward. Amber and Sunyoung (“Luna, please.”) were pushing drinks in their general direction, ignoring all protests from both Tao and Sehun. He felt guilty, watching Sehun grimace as he took shots of black tequila, the poor guy was already tired as it was, he didn’t need to be forced into an impromptu night out.

 

The rest of the girls were quizzing Sehun about everything from his job to his love life, during which Amber had disappeared to the bar and returned with a whole ass tray of elaborately decorated and brightly coloured cocktails, handing them out to everyone at the table. Tao was about to protest, surely that cost a lot of money, then he saw Amber look back to the bar and saw the bartender raise her hand to her ear mocking a phone, mouthing “call me”, so he decided to stay in his own lane and not interfere.

 

They toasted to Luna, cheering happy birthday. Most of the girls seemed well on their way to being totally wasted, which was fine, Tao didn’t have a problem with that. He did have a problem with how many drinks were being pushed to poor Sehun though, he drank them way too quickly and was starting to flush red.

 

Then they had shots of fireball cinnamon, and that's when things got really fucking _messy._

 

In a drunken haze, they decided to go to the rather run down but ridiculously cheap nightclub which blasted loud techno and house music. Sehun was pretty much leaning half his entire body weight on Tao for support, but he himself wasn’t much help because in all honesty the fireball cinnamon’s had pushed him over the edge. The girls were giddy, screaming and laughing in the streets, and if he was being totally honest Tao would say he was having a good time.

 

After faking sobriety to get past the security the girls went straight to the bathroom, which was typical. Amber had pushed some money into Tao’s hand and told him to buy a round for everyone, so that's what he was waiting to do. It was ridiculously loud, there was hardly any light in the place and what little light that was left was being dimmed by some kind of smoke machine. Tao felt like he was a teenager again.

 

“How drunk are you?” he asked Sehun, attempting to support his weight with his free arm.

 

“I’m about halfway to heading back to the hospital, how about you?” He smirked.

 

“I’m only about two fifths, so we’ve got some way to go yet.” Tao laughed.

 

When the girls returned they all took shots, then some English song came on that they all seemed to know and love because they grabbed Tao and Sehun’s hands and dragged them to the dancefloor. It was beyond hot and sweaty in this place, there was literally no air conditioning and the only door there was led to the smoking area, which Tao wanted to avoid if possible.

 

It became blurry after that, he danced with some of the girls, they cheered at him and egged him on to dance more so of course he obliged, because he was drunk and when he was drunk he became a bit of an attention whore, which again was fine. Amber was dancing with him to another western song but Tao was jokingly attempting to show off his sexy dancing skills on Amber, who was laughing along with the rest of them.

 

After another group trip to the bar, Amber called out to him in Mandarin, so that Sehun couldn’t hear what she was saying. “ _Tao, he’s hot, you have to get with him_.”

 

“ _He is pretty hot, you’re right,_ ” he slurred.

 

“ _What are you waiting for? He’s clearly into you,_ ” She elbowed him in the side, making him groan.

 

“ _I can’t, what about Yifan…_ ”

 

“ _Fuck him! He’s not giving you the attention you deserve, you need to be you! Do what you want._ ”

 

“Hey, what are you two talking about?” Sehun said, sliding between the two, throwing his arm around both of their waists.

 

“Oh nothing, just chatting,” Amber chirped, raising her glass up as she made eye contact with Tao, giving him a really bad wink.

 

Tao was about to laugh it off but he didn’t even get a chance because he felt Sehun’s arm slip down… Hand most definitely wandering…

 

“ _You know what, I think you’re right._ ”

 

The dancing resumed, but instead of dancing with Amber as a joke, he was dancing with Sehun and he wasn’t joking anymore. It could have been the alcohol just clouding his vision but he hadn’t ever noticed how ridiculously sexy Sehun looked when he pushed his hair back. Was that a weird thought? He was doing it again, Tao felt way too hot for this.

 

Sehun’s hands had been on his waist for most of the time they’d been dancing and it made Tao feel like he was literally on fire. The filter from his brain to his mouth had gone long ago, so he felt no shame in telling Sehun exactly what he thought of him at that moment.

 

“You’re really fucking hot, you know that right?”

 

He just smirked, leaning in, so Tao took the opportunity to pull him in closer. “If you think I’m hot now you should see me without the shirt.”

 

Oh, Lord.

 

“I think I want to.”

 

Sehun’s hands wandered even further. “Kiss me then.”

 

He didn’t have to ask twice, it was messy, Tao could taste residues of alcohol from earlier and it wasn’t great, but Sehun’s tongue was doing things that made him whine. Their teeth kept clashing together, lips slick with spit as Tao ran his fingers through Sehun’s soft hair. He heard screaming from the side which he presumed was from the girls, he recognised one voice as Soojung’s, she cheered and shouted some random things in English which neither of them could understand but if her tone was anything to go by it was words of encouragement.

 

Some songs played in the back that got the crowd jumping but Tao wasn’t focussed on that, he was focussed on Sehun, and how gentle he was, they rested their foreheads together while they took a breather, ignoring everything that was happening around them, just looking into each other's eyes. He assumed it was the influence of the alcohol, but he really wanted to just say ‘fuck it’ and do something which he wanted to do, instead of doing what he thought would be best for everyone else.

 

“So, are you gonna take me up on that offer?” Sehun asked, taking the opportunity to slide his hands into the back pockets of Tao’s jeans.

 

Thinking about all the possible outcomes and consequences seemed impossible when drunk, so Tao saw no real reason to deny himself something which they both wanted, something which would be good for them. Amber was right, about a lot of things, and it was about time that Tao put himself first.

 

Well, his dick.

 

“My place or yours?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm???? sorry????? idk what happened but I guess sehun murdered taoris (for... now??? mayhaps??)
> 
> also im MEGA soft for yixing right now so :((((
> 
> I'LL WRITE SOME MEDICINE RELATED THINGS SOON IM SORRY UWU (also just wanted to clarify for those askin in the comments I don't actually study medicine or anything in that field! i'm a forensic science student :0 but I minored in human biology and I'm OBSESSED with shows like '24 Hours in A&E' and '999: What's your emergency?' which are a couple of documentary/factual style shows which go into hospitals or into the ambulance service and show you whats its really like. So those shows combined with a fair bit of research is how I get most of the content for this piece.) 
> 
> COMMENT PLS I'M LONELY


	15. Lost & Not Found

**T/W: strong themes of illness, mentions of past character death**

 

It turned out there was one thing that could help Jongdae get out of the rut he’d gotten himself into.

 

Queer Eye.

 

No, he wasn’t joking.

 

After lying to himself for a couple of days Jongdae eventually admitted that what he was doing was completely and totally unhealthy. He’d not been checking emails, he hadn’t stuck to the regime that Sehun had helped him build, he’d totally fallen off the wagon. Genuinely, he was midway through an episode of Queer Eye, crying his heart out because the fab five were telling the man who was being made over that self-love doesn’t come from pretending to be someone you’re not, but by accepting that the person you are, the person you aspire to be, is good enough.

 

And boy, did he need that.

 

Wallowing, hiding, pretending. That’s all he’d been doing. He hadn’t exactly been nice to himself either, he was always quite hard on himself, always doubting himself. It wasn’t any kind of secret that he was a negative person, he’d always been like this. But it wasn’t until he sat back and realised how much he actually had that he realised that maybe there was no need to be so pessimistic. He had his health (physical at least), he had a high school education and a job, he lived alone and no one else depended on him. He wasn’t  _ totally _ hurting for money, he was stable at least, he wasn’t starving. There were so many things to be thankful for, he just needed that spark to get the ball rolling, make him get into the mindset of,  _ yes, I am going to be okay _ .

 

That spark came in the form of an early morning email, from one of the universities he’d applied to. Because he’d just woken up, to get ready for his shift, he’d thought he was dreaming, or that it was a figment of his imagination. After a couple of minutes of rubbing the sleep from his eyes and trying to jumpstart his brain and body, he realised that it wasn’t a dream. The email notification was the top banner across his phone.  _ Korea University, College of Nursing. _

 

_ To Mr Kim, _

 

_ Congratulations! We are delighted to offer you a conditional place on our undergraduate nursing course starting in January- _

 

“Holy fuck! Holy fucking shit!” he literally leapt out of bed, throwing his covers back with so much force they went flying off the other side.

 

_ Finally _ , after so much time feeling like he wasn’t worth it, or that he would never be accepted. He’d finally been offered a place. Of course, he’d still have to sit an examination, like the rest of them, but he truly didn’t care about that right now. He needed to call his mom-

 

Wait, he still had to go into work. Great. 

 

“I’ll call her during my lunch break,” he said to himself, before shuffling off to go shower.

 

\--

 

“You’re such a handsome young man! My granddaughter would love you so!” 

 

If Kyungsoo had a dollar for every time he’d heard that, well… it wouldn’t be much use since they don’t use dollars in Korea, but that’s beside the point. He’d probably be very rich.

 

He laughed, as politely as he could, the frankly quite adorable old lady he’d been attending to so far this morning suffered from diabetes and had been brought into them essentially in a coma. She’d been in resus for a few hours, dosed up with insulin and under constant observation. “Thank you, Miss.”

 

“Where is she by the way? She was supposed to come to visit me at home, I hope she hasn’t been caught up in all that city traffic.” the lady frowned.

 

Kyungsoo had no idea, he was about 97% sure that no one had called her, unfortunately, the lady was approaching the later stages of dementia, and often forgot her insulin doses. This wasn’t the first time she’d been brought into the emergency department whilst he was on shift, if his memory was right then he’d already seen her at least six times this year alone. Why she wasn’t in a safer place where the family could keep an eye on her, he didn’t know.

 

“I’ll go see if she’s been called, but I need you to drink that before I leave, understand?” pointing to the small cup of orange juice.

 

She followed his finger, seeming surprised to see the orange juice there on her little table. “Oh! Of course, dear,” she smiled, rickety fingers struggling to open the foil topped cup.

 

Kyungsoo hated watching her struggle. “Would you like me to help?” he asked softly, placing a hand on top of her own.

 

She hummed, “Yes if you wouldn’t mind, I’ve not really been good at opening containers since I started getting arthritis.” 

 

The poor thing. Kyungsoo made a mental note to contact the family and social services, that way they could come up with a plan to make sure she was well looked after and not in the hospital on a monthly basis.

 

As he handed the cup back to her, she thanked him. He wanted to stay and make sure she finished it all off before he moved onto the next patient in majors, but he was interrupted by Sehun joining him at his side. He had a weird look on his face, then he put his hand on Kyungsoo’s shoulder. Staring at him blankly, he saw a commotion on the other side of resus, a new patient had been brought in and they were surrounded with various different members of staff. Did they want him to help?

 

“Kyungsoo, you’re needed over in resus. I can take over for you here.” normally Kyungsoo wouldn’t have a problem with swapping and going over to help, but the way Sehun was talking to him made him feel like he’d done something wrong, like a child asking for forgiveness. 

 

“Okay, sure,” he spared one last glance to the lady, then another for Sehun as he took his leave. 

 

Walking over, he felt like he was being stared at. Various different people who were stood either at the nurse's station or attending other patients would turn to look at him. Did he do something wrong? He hated feeling like he was being paranoid but he was certain that the amount of attention he was getting was abnormal.

 

What was going on?

 

“... GCS of fifteen, no previous history of chest pains.” 

 

As he reached the bay, he was struggling to see anything through the crowd of people. The large and bulky paramedic equipment was taking up a majority of the room around the bed, and what free space that was left was filled with people. He tiptoed, trying to see over people’s shoulders but it didn’t work.

 

Eventually, he decided to just push through, he was the head nurse, after all, he should have been informed of a red phone call before anyone else. But he wished he hadn’t, he felt his stomach drop.

 

“Mom!” 

 

The people next to him were startled at the loudness of his voice, before quickly moving out of his way. No one dares object to him pushing in front of the doctors as he got as close to the bed as he physically could. She looked up at him, looking so… small.

 

“Kyungsoo…”

 

She was covered in wires, heart monitor stickers, her shirt had been removed and she had been dressed in a hospital gown already. An oxygen mask had been placed on her, so her voice was muffled and quiet. She reached out to him with a free hand, which he took and gripped onto like his life depended on it.

 

“Mom, what’s wrong? What happened?” his voice was wavering, the sight of his mother in a hospital bed brought back horrid memories that he’d suppressed. He wasn’t in control of his emotions anymore.

 

“Oh I was at the market, and I had this awful chest pain… the lady who sells the chamoes sat me down and called an ambulance for me. I’m fine now, don’t worry.” she tried to smile, but Kyungsoo could barely see it.

 

Chest pain, the heart monitor stickers… they thought she’d had a heart attack. Oh god, not again, please not again…

 

“Sweetie, don’t cry, I’m okay, I promise,” with knowing eyes, she looked up to him. She tried to reach over to wipe tears that Kyungsoo hadn’t even known were there, but her arm was being restricted by the long grey wires.

 

Minseok stepped forward from the back, gently touching Kyungsoo’s arm to get his attention. If it wasn’t for him he would have completely forgotten about the rest of the doctors that surrounded them both. “Come, let’s go to the relative’s room while the doctors take a look at her, okay?”

 

“I don’t want to leave-”

 

“Just come, they won’t be long,” he tugged this time, firmer.

 

He felt like his feet were glued to the ground, he didn’t to be anywhere but by her side but he knew the protocol. His mom gave him a scolding look, her way of telling him he needed to listen to what his colleagues were telling him to do and go. Feeling her hand slip out of his grip, Minseok guided him through the crowd. He heard the cardiac nurse call to him that they won’t be long, but he couldn’t even acknowledge it.

 

He’s been here before, long ago, and he didn't want to be here again. Memories were flooding his head, making him feel numb and anxious. This time he didn’t bother to see if his colleagues stared at him, he suddenly didn’t have the energy.

 

The relative’s room was tiny, some uncomfortable pleather seats and a goodwill coffee table with outdated magazines. He’d been in here before, of course, but usually to talk to the relatives, now he  _ was _ the relative he wasn’t sure what to do.

 

Closing the door behind them, Minseok gestured for him to sit. It wasn’t comfortable, the silence. It was full of unanswered questions are fear. Minseok sighed. Kyungsoo wasn’t really sure how to feel, he’d spent years being this headstrong person, someone who could be relied on at work when everything went pear-shaped. But when things got personal, he faltered. It was a weakness of his, he had to be in control of situations or he couldn’t function. Now here he was, being ordered out of his own ER, angrily wiping away tears which just wouldn’t  _ stop _ . 

 

He heard Minseok take a seat next to him, the chairs made awful squeaking noises when sat on. Minseok’s dainty hands were joint together, his promise ring glinting in the overly warm lighting. Kyungsoo hated the silence.

 

“It’s so easy to distance yourself from patients when you don’t know them. But to see her like that… I… I see it nearly every day, but it’s just because it's  _ her _ ,” he was thinking out loud, rambling in a way. He didn't want Minseok to think he would lose his rag like this if it was anyone else, he wanted him to understand why.

 

“Hey, I don’t ask any of the other relatives to explain themselves, why would I ask you? It’s fine, Kyungsoo.” he felt a warm hand on his back, it was comforting, he knew Minseok was trying.

 

His scrubs were dotted with dark blue stains, tears which he’d not managed to wipe away in time. “God, I feel so stupid for crying and being like this.”

 

“Why? There’s nothing wrong with crying. No one is judging you.” 

 

He didn’t respond, he didn’t need to. Ducking his head down, he covered his face, sighing.

 

“I’m gonna go get you a coffee, I’ll be right back.” 

 

The door clicked open, some sounds of machines and commotion could be heard, then the door clicked shut once more. Silence returned.

 

Of course, they knew he wouldn’t be able to work after seeing his own mother in majors, but there was nothing more that he’d like to do right now if anything just to distract him. Obviously, he’d rather be with his mom, but if he couldn’t do that why couldn’t they have just sent him to minors? Or for a break? Why did they have to bring him to the relative’s room where it’s too damn quiet and all he can do is think about the unknown?

 

In times of duress, or when he needs a distraction, he threw himself into his work, or before he worked, into his studies. If he filled his head with knowledge or busied his hands, surely he wouldn’t be able to think about the bad things, right? 

 

This situation was too familiar to him, to the point where it made him uncomfortable. Before he had his mom with him, now he was alone. The burden of everything fell to his shoulders, and his alone. Who did he have to call? Did he still have his aunt’s number? How would she react? What steps were they going to take now? There was just too many damn questions and not enough answers. It was far too overwhelming, and after a short amount of time he felt his resolve breaking, the tears were free-flowing.

 

His chest ached with that horrible feeling, he wasn’t sure if it was grief or fear.  Either way, it hurt and he hated it. 

 

When Minseok returned, the strong smell of black coffee came too. Kyungsoo didn’t want to look up, he was too ashamed to show Minseok that he’d been crying. Minseok’s own mug was placed on the table in front of them both as Minseok returned to the seat next to him, accompanied by the squeaking noise. It was stupid that the sound made Kyungsoo laugh.

 

“Yeah, they really need to update the furniture in this room,” he said, trying to change the topic of conversation so that Kyungsoo could feel better.

 

Though he appreciated the effort, it didn’t exactly work. He hadn’t moved, he was still hiding his face, so Minseok’s arm returned, trying to comfort him in any way possible. He knew Minseok wasn’t too keen on showing physical affection or care, but desperate times called for desperate measures. 

 

“I think Tao is going to come in and talk to you, him and Amber were the ones that responded to the call. He said something about forms, I think they have to fill out some paperwork with you. He won’t come until you’re ready though, so there’s no rush.”

 

He didn’t ignore it, but he didn’t respond. “When can I see her?”

 

Minseok had a gentle expression. “Soon.”

 

“Okay, well, I’ll do the forms now. Get them over and done with,” he wiped at his face one more time before sitting back. His eyes stung, a headache threatening to come.

 

Minseok disappeared once more, but Kyungsoo wasn’t left alone for long as Tao joined him soon after, walking in quietly. He could tell everyone was being cautious, like they were walking on eggshells around him.

 

The forms they had to fill in were just general since there was no abrasive or serious medical attention given. Some medical history questions, medications list and such. Tao’s voice wasn’t as strong as it would be if he was doing a handover, but he still remained very professional, which was always good to know.

 

“Who is her next of kin?” He asked, hand shuffling further down the piece of paper.

 

“Me.” 

 

“Okay, does she have any other immediate family members, a husband or any other children that need to be contacted?”

 

“She’s widowed and I’m an only child.”

 

As he took a moment to register that, Tao glanced up at Kyungsoo, before he carried on scribbling stuff down. There were some more questions, but Kyungsoo went into autopilot and just answered them. A lot of things were going through his mind, he didn’t have enough brain capacity to focus properly on everything which was happening. He just wanted to go see her now, he’d waited long enough.

 

He managed to briefly see her for a few moments before she was taken off to the operating theatre, to remove the blockage from the artery in her heart. She seemed so calm, a stark contrast to Kyungsoo who was a bundle of nerves. They exchanged ‘I love you’s’ before Kyungsoo headed to the nurse's station.

 

He knew no one would expect him to work in this state, but he didn’t want to spend another moment in the relative’s room, he just wanted to busy himself. Minors needed extra help, so he did all sorts of menial tasks to help his colleagues. None of them said anything, they didn’t dare. Kyungsoo was technically still their senior.

 

He went on break, took some time for himself and got something to eat, though really he just picked through it. After retrieving his phone he called his aunt, she wasn’t in the city at the time but she said she would come as soon as she could, but until then it was just him. All he could manage after his break was light work, paperwork. He knew she should be out of surgery soon and into a recovery ward, at which point he would take the rest of the shift off and go be with her. 

 

The wait was agonising. His mind was going crazy with all the possible outcomes, and it was frustrating him. He wasn’t getting snappy or anything, but he could feel himself getting increasingly more irritated as the hour went by. Minseok told him that Jongin had come to see him but he’d been called into the theatre before Kyungsoo had finished with his latest patient. Sighing, he decided he couldn’t work anymore. If he carried on he was going to end up screaming.

 

Luckily, as he was heading up to recovery, his mother was being brought out. She was unconscious, but she would wake soon. The surgeon told her she’d had a minor heart attack, a small blocked artery which was cleared and now had a stent. It was as if he could read the worry on Kyungsoo’s face because she told him that the operation was one of the smoothest she’d ever done. He was grateful.

 

He sat, and he held her hand. He was so lucky to have her still here, he was so damn relieved it was nearly impossible to comprehend. The lady who sells chamoes is going to get a massive bouquet of flowers. He’s going to buy so many damn chamoes if that’s all he has to eat for the next week then so be it. She helped his mom, it’s the least he could do.

 

It didn’t take long for her to come to, she was still quite drowsy and complaining of a dry mouth but Kyungsoo was beyond happy to see her. She ruffled his hair and laughed at him.

 

“You worry too much,” she said, tutting at him.

 

“Yeah, well. I have a reason to worry. You’re all I have left. So don’t go making me worry like that again, you hear?”

 

“I don’t actively try do these things, you know?” she frowned at him.

 

“No, but it still scares me regardless. So just humour your son and say you won’t do it again, please?”

 

She sighed, but he could tell it wasn’t a real one. “Okay, Kyungsoo. I won’t try to have a heart attack again.” 

 

“Thank you, mommy,” he said, resting his arms on the rail, still holding onto her hand.

 

“If you’re tired, you can go home. I know you have work tomorrow.”

 

“What, you think they’re going to let me come to work after that whole fiasco? No chance.”

 

“Alright, well don’t blame me when you feel tired and cranky.”

 

“Mom, please.”

 

“I know you, Kyungsoo. Better than you know yourself!” 

 

“Mom!” 

 

He wasn’t really mad, and she was only saying these things to rile him up. She laughed, but it was tired. He knew she needed to rest, so he let her close her eyes. Soon they’d be moving her to a ward where she would stay for a couple of days, give her a medical once over to make sure everything else was fine. He watched her sleep, it was peaceful, but he couldn’t help but feel anxious every time her breaths were a little  _ too _ far apart. Today really made him think of the ‘what ifs’ that he’d been avoiding for so many years. He knew no one lives forever, but that didn’t stop him wanting her to.

 

After they moved her, he began to feel hungry. She was still resting, though he was sure that the rumbling of her stomach would soon wake her. He really didn’t want to leave, but now he felt somewhat at ease. The doctors in the cardiac ward knew what they were doing, they knew more than he did, she was in the best care. It hit 6:30PM, he was supposed to clock off over an hour ago, but he stayed. The more time went by the better he felt, and the sleepier he got.

 

\--

 

He woke, not on his own accord, but due to someone touching his shoulder. Temporarily disoriented, he looked over to his mom, she was still in her bed. He must have fallen asleep in the chair. When he looked up to see who woke him, he was greeted by Jongin. After glancing back at his mother’s resting form he sighed. It wasn’t all a bad dream. It was unfortunately real life. 

 

“Hey, how are you feeling?” Jongin asked, voice a whisper as to not disturb Kyungsoo’s mother.

 

“Uh, I’m not sure. A little nauseous. What time is it?” he rubbed at his eyes until he saw stars.

 

“It’s ten o’clock. Have you eaten? Or had anything to drink?” he rubbed at Kyungsoo’s back, ever so gently.

 

No, he definitely hadn’t. He’d been asleep for four hours? At least that meant his mom was getting rest too. “No, I should head home.”

 

“I’ll give you a ride,” Jongin said running his fingers through Kyungsoo’s hair. Kyungsoo, feeling touch starved, leaned into it.

 

“Thank you. I’ll just go get my stuff from the locker room.” standing and stretching, Kyungsoo nosied at the notes written above his mother’s bed. At least there was nothing worrying.

 

“No rush, I’ll wait by the reception, okay?” Even though his mother was sleeping, Jongin still bowed to her out of respect before heading out.

 

He took a moment to fix his mother’s hair. She wasn’t a vain creature by any stretch of the imagination but her hair was the one thing which she took pride in. She had such beautiful, soft, black hair. The various wires and tubes and straps had left it messy and out of place. Making another mental reminder to go and fetch a change of clothes and toiletries for her tomorrow morning, he took her hand once more. The fact that she was warm brought him some comfort.

 

Kissing her forehead, he whispered to her. “I love you, mom.” 

 

As he turned to leave, he heard her reply. “I love you too.”

 

After collecting his backpack and keys from his locker, he headed out to reception. Jongin was stood talking to the ladies working at the reception for the night shift, however, as he approached them he turned to face Kyungsoo with a soothing smile.

 

“Let’s go get you something to eat. Goodnight, ladies.” 

 

The drive was quiet, Kyungsoo hadn’t really woken up fully since he fell asleep, he was feeling groggy and out of touch. Food would fix that, he was sure.

 

“Anything you want in particular? Something cold, hot, spicy? It’s my treat.” 

 

“Fried rice, with pork.” 

 

“Got it.” 

 

Jongin pulled up to somewhere, Kyungsoo had no idea where he was, but he was too dazed to really focus. He stared up at the sky, wishing more than ever that he didn’t live in the middle of a city which flooded the night sky with light. He wanted to see the stars, anything. All there was was black bleakness. Rubbing his eyes again, he started people watching.

 

When he returned, he had a carrier bag filled with containers. He placed it gently on Kyungsoo’s lap, immediately Kyungsoo could feel the heat from the bottom, the food must have been fresh. 

 

“Eat up, don’t wait for me.” he shot Kyungsoo a cheeky smile before pulling away to head back in the opposite direction, towards Kyungsoo’s apartment.

 

Kyungsoo blinked at him. “Are you sure you’re okay with me eating in your car?” 

 

“Yes, in fact, I encourage it. It’ll take us a while to get back to your place so…”

 

“Okay.”

 

He’d asked for fried rice not just because he liked it, but it was one of his mother’s best dishes. Obviously, he would have rather had her cooking, but that wasn’t going to happen, so it was best to settle for whatever he could get just to give him the feeling of home. It looked good, in the box, so it probably tasted good, right?

 

Taking smaller bites to start off with, Kyungsoo warmed up to eating. He didn’t want to shock his system straight away, he hadn’t exactly eaten since this morning, and a lot had happened since then. But Jongin’s choice had paid off because it was very tasty, and it made Kyungsoo feel warm again.

 

It was silent again, all that could be heard was the sound of Kyungsoo’s chewing. Watching the city streetlights as they passed by, Kyungsoo felt at ease. Earlier on he’d been so scared of facing everything on his own, but he knew now that it wouldn’t be the case. At least he had his colleagues, Minseok, Sehun. He had Jongin too.

 

They reached his home, it felt weird coming in at such an abnormal hour. Kyungsoo felt so drained both emotionally and physically, he asked Jongin to follow him in so he could at least eat. It was so late and he was probably tired too, he felt guilty that he’d driven him over instead of just letting him go home. Jongin wouldn’t blame him for not thinking straight, but he felt like a bit of a burden.

 

Normally he’d just flop onto his couch until he could rouse enough energy to do his nighttime routine of vitamins and skincare, but he couldn’t even think about that right now. In his head he was already planning out the next few days, he was going to have to take time off, his mother would need looking after, he’d have to arrange cover for his shifts-

 

A warm hand on his shoulder brought him out of his train of thought. “Kyungsoo…” 

 

He’d not even managed to move from the porch, shoes still on. Coffee or vodka. He needed one, either would work. Overexerting himself wouldn’t benefit anyone, he needed to just switch off and try and save as much energy and sanity as he could.

 

“Let’s watch planet earth.”

 

Jongin’s eyebrows twitched with concern, “Oh, okay. Are you sure?”

 

Finally toeing his shoes off, he hummed. Taking a seat on his couch he gestured for Jongin to join him, “Yeah, I just want to forget and switch off for a couple of hours. Planet earth is good for that.”

 

So that’s what they did, and Kyungsoo was, of course, right. The best ways to switch off were always the ones which involved immersing yourself in something which captivates all your attention, something which stops your brain from wandering. Jongin had finished eating long ago, now he was leaned back, legs crossed like a child, glasses on so he could see the screen properly. Kyungsoo didn’t lean back he sat forward, hands resting on his palms, hunching over to see the tiny laptop screen. He could practically feel Jongin watching him, he probably thought Kyungsoo was a total fruit loop, but this was how he processed bad things.

 

Then it came. “Soo?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Are you okay?”

 

Was he? Probably not. Could he show that right now? No. When his mother came out of the hospital and was able to do things independently again, then he would work through the internalised distress. But until then he would put on a brave face because that’s just what he did, “I’m fine, don’t worry about me, I’ve done this all before.”

 

“Oh.”

 

He could feel that Jongin wanted to ask more, but he didn’t want to upset Kyungsoo, glancing back at him he patted Jongin’s knee. “When I was a teenager my father passed away suddenly, a heart attack.”

 

Furrowing his eyebrows, Jongin genuinely looked sad. “I’m sorry to hear that, that must have been awful for you both.”

 

Kyungsoo sighed. Whenever he told someone, they always responded with the same thing.  _ I’m sorry _ . They didn’t have to feel sorry, honest. It’s just the way these things are. “It’s fine, I’ve had a long time to deal with it and accept it, therapy, the whole shebang. It’s just…”

 

Putting his hand over Kyungsoo’s own, he squeezed. “Just what?”

 

“I mean, I guess that’s why I reacted so, over the top? I don’t even know if it was over the top, but that’s beside the point. I was just so mad, like really? Both of them? What kind of fucked up luck is that? To lose one parent is hard enough, when I was faced with the prospect of losing her too I… she’s everything to me, she’s all I have left.”

 

Jongin didn’t say anything in response but gave him a sad smile. He had never really verbalised how he felt, he’d never really told anyone he worked with his situation because it’s not exactly something which comes up in conversation. So, he continued. 

 

“I’m just so grateful to God that she’s okay, well, that she’s going to be okay. I’m so grateful to that chamoe lady too, damn. I feel so bad but so lucky at the same time. We’ve just got to work through the next few days a step at a time.”

 

“She’s very lucky to have a son like you.”

 

Kyungsoo laughed. “I guess, I should visit her more.”

 

A comfortable silence fell between the two, during which Jongin pulled Kyungsoo closer towards him. Leaning most of his upper body weight on Jongin’s shoulder, he watched the beautiful scenery from the TV show. It was possible the calmest Kyungsoo had felt all day, hell, all week. Obviously, he knew he was in for a fucking shit storm of a month, but he would start thinking about that when he woke up tomorrow, right now he was sound in the knowledge that things were only going to go up from here.

 

Life really does throw you a curveball sometimes, doesn’t it?

 

As the next episode began, he could hear a soft snoring. Glancing up he saw Jongin dozing, mouth open. It was totally adorable, but it reminded Kyungsoo that Jongin had worked an entire day shift then waited for him, it was nearing midnight now and he was probably exhausted. Guilt ate at him, he didn’t want to wake him, but there was no way sleeping in that position would be good for his posture.

 

Tapping at his knee didn’t disturb him, so he started lightly stroking Jongin’s cheek. The poor thing must have been so tired, he took a good few seconds to wake. Tired eyes and a blank expression, he looked down to Kyungsoo, and without even hesitating he kissed his forehead. “M’sorry. Did the penguins get to migrate?”

 

Oh, how adorable. “I’m sorry, you must be so exhausted.”

 

“M’fine. Just resting my eyes.”

 

There was no way Jongin could drive home like this, he was too tired, it was dangerous. “Jongin…”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Will you… stay the night?”

 

That seemed to wake him up.

 

“Hmm? Do you want me to? I can go if you want, I should let you sleep-” he moved to get up.

 

His grip tightened. “No no! You’re tired, you shouldn’t be driving, plus, I really… I don’t want to be alone right now, I want you to stay.” 

 

Whatever Jongin was going to say in return, he couldn’t get it out. Expression softening, he decided instead to pull Kyungsoo into a nice warm hug. “I’ll stay as long as you need.”

 

Kyungsoo closed his eyes, enjoying the feeling. “We should really sleep soon, you have work tomorrow.”

 

Humming in response, Jongin let go. “First, let's brush our teeth. Good job I always carry a spare in my bag, never know how long I’m going to be away from home for.” 

 

It was surreal, looking into the mirror as he brushed his teeth and seeing Jongin standing next to him in his reflection. Every time he would inspect Jongin’s face from the mirror, he’d get caught and Jongin would smile at him, mouth full of toothpaste foam. Kyungsoo didn’t even have the energy to fight off the blush. 

 

Giving Jongin a pair of pyjamas to sleep in, he realised that Jongin was shuffling closer towards the living room again. “Are you okay?”

 

Jongin laughed nervously. “Oh, yeah. I was just wondering if you had a blanket or pillow I could use, for the couch?”

 

Oh, what a cutie. “Well… I mean there’s room for two of us here, I kind of hoped you’d stay in here. Unless you’re not comfortable with that, I can give you a spare comforter.”

 

Now it was Jongin’s turn to blush. “Oh… I… would prefer to be in  _ here _ , in all honesty.”

 

Kyungsoo patted the side of the bed he didn’t tend to sleep on, and like a puppy, Jongin came. 

 

When the light was off a small amount of natural light from the city still found its way inside his room, casting everything with cool toned light. Even without the light, he could still see everything, his dresser, his photo frames, the door. But this time, he saw a pair of glasses next to his watch, a set of clothes neatly folded on the chair normally used for laundry, and a shoulder bag placed next to his own work bag. As he shuffled, turning onto his other side, he saw the outline of Jongin’s face, who’d fallen asleep pretty much as soon as his head hit the pillow. Like before, his mouth had fallen open, and he was snoring so lightly it sounded like breathing. 

 

He wasn’t sure if he wasn’t supposed to do anything since they were supposed to be taking things slow, but he liked to hold onto things when he slept. Normally if it was just him he would bunch the spare side of duvet up and cuddle up to that, but now he had a warm, soft person sleeping next to him, he couldn’t resist. Like gravity pulling on an object, he held onto Jongin’s free arm, fingers lacing together. Later when it got too warm under all the covers, and he was already half asleep, he threw his right leg over Jongin’s whole lower body, holding onto his like a huge teddy. It was the easiest night’s sleep he’d had in months, possibly even years. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: ah, yes. the angst. Or character development, whichever you choose to see it as. don't worry my pretties, Jongdae will be okay soon. I personally tried to channel my own feelings into this, so if it's a bit dramatic it's because i'm dramatic. Also, I’m quite curious to know how many people are actually subscribed to this story - on AFF where I cross post this I have around 250. If you’re subscribed, comment! I’ll give you some extra love <3 as always, leave a comment! validate me! I'll be back next week (i'm going to establish an upload schedule, hopefully.) bye!


	16. I Don't Care

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jongdae breaks.

**No Tag warnings apply**

 

At around lunchtime, Tao woke up, his intention had been to sleep, however his body considered it to be a nap and that four hours was sufficient. 

 

The air conditioning was blasting, but he still felt far too warm. The body pressed against his was searing hot, and he felt like he should probably move. When he glanced down he saw Sehun was still sleeping, Tao couldn’t bring himself to disturb him. 

 

What had started out as early morning ‘dinner’ (both of them had been on the night shift) turned into a deep chat session, which eventually led to Sehun staying the night. He’d mentioned in passing that he wasn’t fond of returning home after night shifts because his family would make passing comments. Tao didn’t want to pry, so he just offered for him to stay the ‘night’.

 

They hadn’t even realised what time it was when they finished talking, because talking with Sehun seemed to be so easy, like second nature. Things were comfortable in a way that Tao didn’t feel like he had to hide his true self from Sehun, but he also didn’t feel pressure to be open either. It was pleasant, and certainly a nice change. Just the day before, Sehun had come to the ambulance waiting bay whilst he was on his break to bring Tao a hot drink and snack whilst he was waiting for his next call. He was genuinely thoughtful, not because he felt like he had to be, it just the way he was.

 

Brushing Sehun’s fringe out of his face, he smiled. He’d stay in bed a little longer.

 

\--

 

Jongdae’s temporary state of happiness was brought to an abrupt end when he realised that not only had he run out of sick days, but someone had decided to switch his shift so he was once again paired up with Baekhyun. He didn’t know which one of the girls had done it, but they’d switched his shift without asking permission, and at ridiculously short notice. He was 20% mad at them for doing it in the first place, 80% terrified because he’d spent the last week and a half bottling up his feelings. To put it short, he was completely unprepared. Totally caught off guard.

 

What was he supposed to expect? It almost seemed as if Baekhyun had fallen off the face of the earth. Their friendship was essentially non-existent at this point, not once had he been contacted by him, despite Jongdae requesting shift changes, which he’d never really done before. During shift change and handover he hadn’t seen him, none of their other colleagues had really mentioned him. Maybe Baekhyun was avoiding him just as much as he was avoiding Jongdae. It made his chest ache.

 

Passing the desk, he gave a strong glare to Seulgi, she mouthed ‘sorry’ to him and shied away. He’d tell her off later. 

 

Luckily, there was no sign of Baekhyun in the back room, which gave him some relief. Obviously he knew that Baekhyun would eventually turn up, and he’d be on high alert for the rest of the day, but for now, he could just be grumpy. He made himself a sad cup of coffee before taking his place. A quick glance up to the clock showed that switchover would be in five minutes, Seulgi had left a small list on a sticky note with a love heart on his keyboard, for a small moment he felt guilty that he’d been inconveniencing others but it passed quickly.

 

He really didn't want to think about any of it, when his brain wandered and he remembered the feeling of being cold and angry stood outside the restaurant, his jaw clenched. After everything that had happened the past couple of weeks, his feelings had begun to shift. The positive thoughts and opinions he held on Baekhyun were being washed out with negative ones. The quirks and qualities that he once found attractive were beginning to appear distasteful. A feeling of resentment was growing inside, and it was uncomfortable. 

 

“Where’s Baekhyun? Your shift is due to start soon,” Seulgi stood, bag packed and files in hand.

 

“I don’t know,” Jongdae murmured, he was distracted.

 

“I heard the news about your university place, congratulations, are you excited to start the semester?” Joohyun brushed past to pick up her own bag, looking as cheerful as ever.

 

Was he? He wasn’t sure. “I am, I’m excited to see what happens, thanks.” 

 

It was after that moment when Baekhyun finally decided to turn up, despite mentally preparing himself for seeing him, Jongdae still felt butterflies in his stomach. Stupid. Pretend it never happened.

 

He could tell by the look Baekhyun gave him that he wasn’t expecting to see Jongdae, but he couldn’t tell whether it was a positive or negative reaction. It was just the way Baekhyun’s eyebrows furrowed for a split second before he gave a half-hearted apology to Seulgi and Joohyun. The air between them was awful, Jongdae really felt sick, he had so many things he wanted to say but he didn’t utter a single word.

 

A solid half an hour passed where they were busy with taking names and booking people in to be triaged, and Jongdae was thankful for it. As he typed away and quizzed the patients he felt the nauseous feeling disappear, and the fear that was in the forefront of his mind slowly get pushed to the back. It was normal, he just didn’t want anything to happen which would jeopardize it, maybe if he stayed silent he wouldn’t have to deal with this all right now, then he’d have more time-

 

“You’ve been gone a while, everything okay?” 

 

Baekhyun hadn’t even bothered to look at him, he just carried on typing away. When Jongdae was totally blinded with affection for him, he would have thought that Baekhyun was being genuine and thoughtful. Now, however, he second-guessed everything. Baekhyun probably didn’t even care, just wanted to know where Jongdae had actually done whilst he was away. Truthfully Baekhyun probably only started the conversation so that he could switch the topic and talk about himself. 

 

Jongdae decided he needed to stay guarded, he’d give Baekhyun as much emotion as he was receiving. “I’m good, I just needed to take some time off and relax. I’m fine now.” 

 

“Oh, well it’s good to have you back,” Baekhyun smiled, Jongdae could feel his resolve cracking.

 

Maybe he's got it all wrong, maybe Baekhyun just had an extremely extroverted personality-

 

“I’ve had no one to gossip too, Joohyun isn’t really interested in my stories.”

 

Nope, he was right. 

 

And just like that, it was as if nothing had happened. Baekhyun just carried on, updating him on his life, talking about Chanyeol  _ again _ and generally complaining about every little inconvenience he’d had. At several different points, Jongdae felt the strong urge to interject, just to tell him to stop, or at least change the topic of conversation, but he didn’t, he wasn’t ballsy enough to.

 

As the conversation went on (not really much of a conversation since Jongdae had not said one single word since Baekhyun had started talking) he felt all of the healing and strong thoughts he’d had just fall apart, within minutes Baekhyun had managed to undo every single bit of botched up fixing he’d tried to do, all those nights of thinking long and hard, crying to songs and taking those hard to swallow pills. It felt like he was right back at square one, but with extra weight on his shoulders. He couldn’t do this again. He had to get out.

As fast as he could, he locked his computer. Baekhyun stopped mid-sentence, looking across to him with a surprised look. Jongdae didn’t make direct eye contact with him, because if he did he’d scream. “I’m going to get coffee, be right back.”

 

In the solace of the break room, Jongdae took a couple of shaky breaths. He couldn’t exactly categorise what he was feeling into just one type of emotion, it was several going on at once. Anger, directed towards Baekhyun and himself, seemed to be the only semi-clear one. He’d spent so much time trying to fix it all, talking himself off that ledge, coming to terms with it all and he’d done so well, but he’d avoided Baekhyun for so long he hadn’t anticipated what would happen when confronted with him. Maybe this was the last part he had to come to terms with, he wasn’t sure.

 

One thing he did know, however, was that he wasn’t just going to sit back at let Baekhyun chew his fucking ear off for the rest of the day. If he couldn’t have all of him then maybe he just needed to cut him off, maybe they couldn’t even be friends anymore. That’s the healthy thing to do, right? 

 

Quickly making a coffee, he headed back to his seat. Baekhyun gave him another funny look but he tried not to acknowledge it. He hoped his expression was neutral but he had a funny feeling he looked mad, he was already trying hard not to just break down, so Baekhyun would just have to deal with it.

 

He’d be quiet, maybe he’d even go so far as to giving Baekhyun the silent treatment. Maybe if he didn’t acknowledge him at all he’d just shut up and get on with his work too, if he had to hear Chanyeol’s name once more he honestly didn’t know what he would do. His hate for that man was unbridled. 

 

A sudden influx in patients helped keep the silence between the two going. For the time being it kept Jongdae calm, but every time he glanced at the clock he felt like time was going by at a snail’s pace. He wasn’t sure how long he could keep this up for, he had an eight-hour shift today, and he's not even made it through a fifth of it. This was torture. 

 

There was an awkward moment when he reached to grab the sticky note pad at the same time as Baekhyun, their fingers touched and instead of it being a pleasant feeling like he would have expected, it gave him a burst of adrenaline. Fight or flight. He wasn’t sure which would be a better option at this moment in time. His heart said fight but his head, coming out of a haze of depressive moods told him that that was the last thing he needed right now.

 

Recoiling from the touch, Jongdae tried to pass it off as nothing. However Baekhyun had seen his discomfort and unusual reaction, and it made him scowl. “What was that reaction for?”

 

He kept his eyes on the keyboard, typing like a madman. “What reaction?”

 

“All that. What’s wrong with you?”

 

He laughed a little, nervously. “Nothing is wrong.”

 

“Well, clearly there is, you’re being all weird. You have been for weeks.”

 

He could do it all right now, he could say everything he’s had on his mind for the last few months and it would all be out in the open. The heavyweight on his shoulders would be gone, and he’d no longer feel like he was living a double life. But could he do it? Well, he couldn’t really help but let some of his stewing anger out.

 

“What? Because I haven’t been engaged in our topics of conversation?”

 

Taken aback, Baekhyun blinked at him. Looked like he wasn’t expecting that. “Are you mad at me or something?” 

 

It seemed as if he’d already said too much. “Mad? No. Disappointed? Yeah, very. It’s not as if you’ve been a good friend recently, is it?”

 

Turning his chair to face Jongdae fully, Baekhyun seemed genuinely shocked. He couldn’t understand that, how could someone act that way and not even realise how much of a jackass they were becoming?

 

“What do you mean, exactly?”

 

Jongdae was going to answer, a whole speech he’d prepared in his head and revised over and over, but the damn work phone rang. Before he even had a chance to pick it up, Baekhyun reached over and picked up before slamming it back down again.

 

“What the fuck are you doing?” Jongdae said in a hushed tone before pushing his hands out of the way, when he picked the phone back up all he could hear was the dial tone. “You can’t do that!”

 

Baekhyun looked vexed, like nothing he’d ever seen before. “What do you mean? Why are you so mad at me?”

 

Somewhere between the utter disbelief and genuine confusion, Jongdae found himself practically bursting with rage. Was he  _ serious _ ? Did he not realise at all? How shitty of a human do you have to be to not notice what you’re doing? Was Baekhyun so self-absorbed that he’d lost the ability to be self-aware?

 

Jongdae geared himself up for a rant. “Are you joking or are you actually serious right now? Do you have any idea of how draining it’s been to be around you these past few weeks?”

 

“Enlighten me.”

 

“Oh don’t worry, I will. But consider this; when was the last time you asked me a question and genuinely listened to the answer? When was the last time you showed any kind of interest in my life? Because it’s been a fucking  _ long _ time. Great, you got a boyfriend, so great in fact that it’s all you’ve been talking about for  _ months _ .”

 

“That is not true-”

 

“No, trust me, it is. As much as I wish I could have a conversation with you that doesn’t involve Park fucking Chanyeol, you’ve yet to indulge me. The only reason I think you talk to me is so you have someone to fucking word vomit to every day. You ask questions but you don’t listen, you just wait for me to ask you the same question so you can talk.”

 

Baekhyun had been completely silenced. Thank god no one was waiting at reception, he knew this was no way to act at the workplace, but he had no choice. He had to get everything out whilst he could, he couldn’t leave anything unsaid.

 

“Two weeks ago we made plans. Not only did you flake and not show up, but you had the audacity to fucking ghost me and not answer my calls. I come into work and you don’t say a single thing to me. Because you were too busy talking about your favourite topic. Do you even consider me to be a friend? Or just a free therapist you can gossip too?”

 

“Jongdae- I didn’t mean to flake I just hadn’t realised I already had plans-”

 

“With who? With him? So suddenly I’m not worthy of a quick text to let me know? You’re such a fucking  _ asshole _ , Byun Baekhyun. You’re so damn selfish and the worst part is you had no idea.”

 

“He’s my boyfriend-”

 

“Yeah, and I was your best friend, the one you stopped showing any interest in the moment that fucker came on the scene.”

 

“Don’t talk about him that way, there is no need.” Baekhyun snapped.

 

Jongdae let out a hollow laugh. “Don’t you see? Or are you that blinded by your own ego?”

 

“I am not, you’re acting like everything is my fault when you aren’t exactly the best person to be around either.” Baekhyun’s voice was filled with such venom, but instead of having the desired effect of making Jongdae feel bad, it had the opposite. 

 

“Oh really? What’s so bad about me then? Is it my lack of attentiveness?”

 

“No, but you are so fucked up in the head you bring everyone down. At least Chanyeol doesn’t make me feel like I need to fake a fucking smile.” 

 

Oh.

 

_ Ouch. _

 

He realised instantly that what he said was way too much, and his hard expression melted away. “Wait, I didn’t mean it like that-”

 

Jongdae had heard enough. “You know what? You’re right. I do have a lot of issues and I have unhealthy coping mechanisms. I am fucked up, but I won’t be like this forever, and at least I’m not a heartless fuck like you.” 

 

Hands shaking from the adrenaline, he logged out, gathering his personal items from the desk. The name tag he had to wear during his shifts was thrown onto the table after him. Baekhyun hadn’t moved an inch, Jongdae would have at least expected him to stand up and try to get him to stay, but he didn’t. 

 

“On the bright side, you won’t have to deal with me being such a negative person anymore, because I quit.”

 

Backpack slung over his shoulder, he walked out of the emergency room doors. He did not look back, nor did he cry, but he did let out some shaky breaths as he practically marched as far away as he could get from the hospital.

  
  
  
  


 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember when i said I would update weekly??? that was two months ago... sorryyyyyyyyyy. I recently came back from a trip to Korea/Japan and now I'm back at college so it's kind of busy right now, but i'm determined to finish this story ok???? also I really love baek im sorry I made him mean but it will all work out in the end i promise ;) pls comment to keep my motivation going (she's weak)


	17. The Only One You Need

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyungsoo lets love in.

**T/W: Mentions of alcohol**

 

He didn’t give a flying fuck that it was an unacceptable hour to be drinking, he needed a damn  _ drink _ . The adrenaline wore off at some point on his journey to the bar that pretty much everyone went to, and he wasn’t enjoying the feeling of regret beginning to seep in.

 

Of course, the place was nearly empty, it was barely lunchtime. The bar didn’t exactly serve food, just snacks, so no one really came here before nightfall. By the looks of it though there was someone sat at the bar, so at least he wouldn’t be the only person getting wasted. He threw his bag to the floor, handing his car keys to the guy behind the bar to keep safe. He knew the guy, sort of, most people did, but they didn’t actually know each other’s names. He tried to ignore the concerned expression he wore as he turned back to face him.

 

“What’s it going to be, then? Looks like you need a strong one,” he asked, already preparing a shot glass and chaser.

 

“Vodka. Double. With a lemon.” he tossed his card over to the guy, knowing it would probably be better for him to keep it and just open a tab. He didn’t care about money right now, this place wasn’t exactly expensive and the vodka wasn’t the best quality but it would get him drunk and numb his feelings and that’s all that mattered.

 

Resting his head on the bar, he heard the glasses being set down next to his head. “Want me to keep a hold of your card too?”

 

Muffled by his arms, he replied. “Yes.”

 

“Alright, just let me know when you need a top up, take it easy though, buddy.” 

 

He wasn’t going to take it easy, he’d already set out a plan of action. His anxiety wasn’t going to let him just walk away and enjoy unemployment, he was going to have one night to himself to fix his broken heart and maybe tell his mom what had happened, then he was immediately going to go job hunting. There must be someplace hiring, it would probably work out for him anyway, he could probably have more flexible hours somewhere else.

 

After taking his shot, and a small sip of the sprite, he pushed the glass forward and left it there for a top up. A quick glance at his phone showed a couple of messages from Sehun and about a dozen missed calls from Baekhyun. Just reading his contact name made his stomach clench up and feel all weird. Stupid, stupid, stupid. 

 

“Fuck.”

 

He was going to smack his head down on the bar a couple of times, but he decided that probably wouldn’t be a great idea. If he did enough damage they’d just send him straight back to the place he’d practically ran away from. He really didn’t want to go back there, especially now that it just reminded him of Baekhyun. A lot of shit reminded him of Baekhyun, sweet aftershave, daytime television, Disney movies. He wasn’t sure how he was going to go through his whole life without watching a Disney movie.

 

“Jongdae, is that you?” 

 

Looking over to his right, he finally saw the other person’s face, and it just so happened to be Kris. he wasn’t on the level of drinking that Jongdae was on, he was only nursing a bottle of beer and a dish of pretzels. This was embarrassing.

 

“Sorry, man. I didn’t see you there. What’s up?” he hated trying to sound like he was completely okay, he was having a miniature breakdown on the inside. 

 

“Not much, just- I don’t know.” he took another sip of his beer, further inspection showed a couple of empties further down the bar.

 

“In that case, you’re already doing better than me.” he tried to smile but it probably looked pained. 

 

Looking down at his drink, he shook his head with a laugh. “Doubt that, but sure.”

 

The bartender came back and fetched the vodka bottle. “Double?”

 

“Double.”

 

“Damn, Jongdae. Don’t you have work tonight?” Kris said, taking a look at Jongdae’s alcohol intake before pushing the pretzels in his direction. Not even pretzels could save him at this point, he planned on getting white girl wasted.

 

He banged the now empty glass on the table, turning to face Kris… and the pretzels. Okay, maybe he’d have a couple. “I actually just quit my job, like thirty minutes ago.”

 

That definitely seemed to catch Kris off guard. “Oh, what? Damn… why?” 

 

Jongdae didn’t answer, just took another sip of his sprite and started eating pretzels. He didn’t have an answer or at least one which was safe to be told to anyone but Sehun. Oh god, Sehun. He’s going to be furious when he finds out what really happened. He’s going to get his ass beat.

 

“I heard you got accepted into nursing school, congrats by the way.” 

 

“Wait, who even told you that?”

 

Kris shrugged. “Everyone who works in that reception is a blabbermouth, I hope you know that.”

 

“That’s… fair enough.”

 

The silence between them was somewhat comfortable, or at least, that’s what Jongdae thought. He couldn’t really see Kris’ expression because he’d put his head in his arms, waiting for the alcohol to hit him all at once. He wouldn’t go so far as to say that Kris was a good friend, more of an acquaintance, but a conversation with him was always easy going. Kris didn’t talk much to anyone other than Chanyeol or Tao, and well, Jongdae knew for a fact that he wasn’t talking to Tao as much. Now he felt awkward, he wished he hadn’t remembered that.

 

Lifting his head and clearing his throat, he tried to smile at Kris. “Why are you here, though?”

 

His gaze dropped, he fiddled with the label of his beer bottle. “I don’t know. Mending a broken heart, I guess.”

 

Oh, ouch. 

 

Jongdae had literally no idea what to say. “That’s rough, buddy.”

 

Kris snorted. “Yeah. Such is life.”

 

There was a comfortable silence between them whilst Jongdae aimlessly played on his phone, beginning to feel a bit more relaxed when the alcohol hit him. Every now and then his hand would sneak over to steal more of Kris’ pretzels, it looked like the guy didn’t mind, he hadn’t pulled the little basket away from him just yet.

 

He decided to brave it and look at Sehun’s messages. Maybe with the nice cool vodka flowing through his system, he wouldn’t be able to feel the intense, burning anger from Sehun when he admitted what had happened that morning. It was worth a shot or two anyway.

 

Speaking of, he pushed his glass close to the bartender again, he didn’t seem so mad this time when Jongdae asked for a double because he asked for two, one for himself and one for Kris. although he hadn’t said anything to the other man about the  _ real _ reason he was at a dive bar in the early afternoon, he felt like he had. Both of them were there for the same reason, they were going through pretty much the same shit. Comrades in arms in the war called love.

 

Damn, that sounded really fucking emo. He needed to stop reading stupid love poetry when he was pining over someone.

 

He didn’t have to, but he ended up taking the free shot. Jongdae wanted to try to talk to him, but he didn’t want to be too nosey. Plus it would have been weird for him to be asking all these questions, especially when he hadn’t really said why he quit his job. So he left it, sent off a couple of texts to Sehun, who replied almost instantly, not as angry as he’d expected him to be, which was nice.

 

From Sehun:

> wow. Are you sure ur ok with tht choice???

> if it will make u happier then im sure it will be worth it in the long run, right???

> where are u, I’ll drive you home if ur that drunk

 

To Sehun:

> m not tht drunk. I might be by the time u get here tho lmao

> the usual spot with the nasty ass vodka and room temp beer

> no rush pls, the barman has already taken my keys, i cant go anywhere

 

From Sehun:

> dont be stupid

> im not going to leave you to drink the bar dry

> be there in 10

 

“Sounds like someone’s concerned about you,” Kris said, not once taking his eyes from the basketball game being played on the TV in the corner.

 

“What?”

 

“You’ve had like ten text messages in the last three minutes, so someone is clearly worried about you.” 

 

Jongdae sighed. “It’s nothing, really.”

 

Kris shrugged. “Hey, at least people text you every once in a while.”

 

Maybe it was the vodka, or maybe it was the complete lack of dignity, but Jongdae leaned against the bar, head propped up with one hand. “I’d text you, you’re a handsome gentleman.”

 

At that, Kris actually laughed. “Thanks, Jongdae.”

 

“No, I’m serious, you’re a hot dude, got that whole slit in the eyebrow thing going on, it’s a look. So many people would  _ die _ to sleep with you, I hope you know that.”

 

Kris smiled at him, but Jongdae could tell it was a shy one. “Maybe, but I wanted something more than that.”

 

Now he knew it was probably a bad idea, someone who had completely failed to tell someone his feelings before it was too late, trying to give relationship advice, but he just couldn’t help it. It was so stupid that he could give advice to others but he a) couldn’t follow his own advice, and b) refused to really follow anyone else's’ advice.

 

“Then what’s stopping you?”

 

“The ships already sailed.”

 

Ah, Jongdae seemed to finally understand what Kris was getting at. What a shame.

 

“Here, give me your phone.” 

 

Kris gave him a funny look, but handed his phone over regardless, unlocked. Jongdae tried desperately not to see the home screen, it looked like an old selfie of him and Tao. Christ.

 

After putting in his own number and texting himself, he handed it back. “Here, now you have my number and I have yours, next time you want to drown your sorrows in cheap quality, overpriced alcohol, let me know.”

 

Smirking at him, pocketed the phone. “Thanks, man.”

 

“Us sad dudes have to stick together, we shouldn’t bottle it up, it doesn’t get us anywhere, trust me.” this time, Jongdae decided to bypass the vodka and just have his chaser.

 

It looked like Kris was about to respond, but there was laughter coming from the door. Jongdae turned around to look, and ooh, he had not anticipated that this would happen. A quick glance at Kris told him all he needed to know, that Kris didn’t have to turn to know who it was, his expression darkened, and he slowly pulled out his wallet.

 

Sehun had indeed come to pick Jongdae up, but he’d not come alone. Tao had come too, and they were laughing and joking with each other. Don’t get him wrong, he was very happy that Sehun had found someone that he genuinely got along with, in more ways than one, but this was probably the last thing he needed right now. Sehun meant well, he knew that, but he probably didn’t know how fucked up Jongdae was over everything that had happened. Seeing a happy couple in the damn honeymoon stage of their relationship was second on the list of things he’d rather die than see.

 

He didn’t have to repeat what was number one.

 

Sehun took the seat next to him, Tao stood further back, looking between the two with a smile on his face. “Hey man, how much have you had already?”

 

He drunkenly wiggled his hand about. “I don’t know, a few.”

 

“He’s had three doubles in the last fifty minutes.” the barman said, cleaning a glass.

 

“Tattletale.”

 

“I’ll take his keys, he can come to get his car tomorrow,” Sehun said.

 

Throwing a few bills onto the bar, Kris stood to leave. He didn’t at all look over at Jongdae, but he clapped him on the shoulder a couple of times before saying a quiet “later, man.”

 

Both Sehun and Tao turned to look at Kris, but he was already halfway out the door. Jongdae hated how awkward it had become, he just wanted to go home and smoke a blunt then maybe sleep.

 

“Can you drive me to pizza hut? I really want baked spaghetti.”

 

\--

 

It had been hard to schedule something that worked for the both of them, especially since Kyungsoo had had to take time off to look after his mother, but things had been a lot better recently. She was responding well to treatment and had been having some physiotherapy sessions too. He was pretty sure she was getting sick of his incessant worrying, she’d practically kicked him out today after he stopped by to check on her, he didn’t mind though. It meant his mother was getting better and going back to her old self, which is exactly what he wanted.

 

He’d rushed home, throwing his work bag on the sofa, neglecting to take off his shoes before going straight to his wardrobe. He hadn’t been on a ‘date’ in years, not a proper one at least. He can’t really say that the visits to the hospital cafe with Jongin really counted because they weren’t ‘dates’. This was a proper date, to a nice restaurant, one that had been preplanned and everything. What the  _ hell _ was he supposed to wear?

 

Dressing nicely every day wasn’t really a viable option when you spent most of your time in hospital scrubs and ugly yet sensible leather shoes. And of course he hadn’t had any time to go clothes shopping, so he was left with limited choices. Kyungsoo hadn’t really realised it until he stepped back and had a hard look at his wardrobe, but pretty much everything in it was black. It wasn’t even the same type of black, some of the clothes were so old that the dye was starting to fade to a dark grey. This just would not do.

 

After rummaging around in the back of his wardrobe, he found a reasonably nice looking polo neck sweater and some black jeans. He made a mental note to do some online shopping when he next had a break because this had been way too stressful for him. Sehun was fashionable, right? He’d ask what the younger adults were wearing these days.

 

His digital clock read 6:34, he squeaked, realising he only had twenty-six minutes to get ready. Thank god Jongin was coming to pick him up, otherwise, he’d have been so late. After a quick scrub, he washed his face and brushed his teeth before scrutinising his appearance in the vanity mirror. He had dark circles, he looked way too tired. Nothing a little concealer couldn’t fix, though.

 

At 7:00 on the dot Jongin was waiting for him outside. Getting into his car he relished in the smell of the expensive aftershave which Jongin had decided to wear. Kyungsoo didn’t know why, but he absolutely  _ loved _ the smell of sandalwood based aftershaves. The entire car journey was spent with him just enjoying the smell.

 

The restaurant of choice was something which Minseok had recommended to him, well, Luhan had recommended it but Minseok had been his messenger. It was an Italian fusion restaurant, a little more high end than the places that Kyungsoo was used to going to, but for once he and his wallet would make an exception. After looking at the menu online he realised they served pretty much all his favourite foods, and he’d been craving something creamy for days now.

 

When they were seated, Jongin smiled at him softly. “You look so handsome tonight.”

 

Kyungsoo tried to cover his blushing face up by taking a large gulp of ice water.

 

“I wanted to say it when you got in the car but,” it was Jongin’s turn to blush now.

 

They ordered some starters to share, bruschetta with a balsamic vinegar and olive oil dip, and a salad. Jongin said Kyungsoo could drink if he wanted to, he didn’t mind, but of course, Kyungsoo refused, saying it wouldn’t be fair to taunt him with a glass of wine when he knew Jongin was the designated driver. 

 

Conversation flowed freely, in a way they had a lot to catch up on, Jongin had been so busy with work for the past few days that he’d not even been able to come up to the emergency department once. Kyungsoo hadn’t realised how often Jongin would come up to majors until he wasn’t there. Kyungsoo wouldn’t admit it, but occasionally he’d gone down to the operating theatre during his breaks to look through the observation room glass to check that Jongin was still okay. 

 

“How’s your mom doing these days? Better?” Jongin asked, reaching over to steal the last piece of bruschetta.

 

Kyungsoo hummed. “A lot better, it’s like it never even happened. She’s going a bit health crazy though, she’s been reading too many articles online and it’s driving me crazy.”

 

Jongin laughed. “Yeah, I know the type.”

 

“‘Ten foods you need to eat to strengthen your bones’ and the like.”

 

“My father is the same, he sends them to me all the time. I guess he wants me to live longer.”

 

“Well, I mean, so do I, so you better listen to him.” Kyungsoo smiled.

 

Jongin didn’t reply but instead reached over the table to hold Kyungsoo’s hand. They fit together like puzzle pieces. For the first time in a very long time, Kyungsoo felt something in his chest, a familiar feeling. Before he could dwell on it, their main dishes arrived.

 

Overall, Kyungsoo really liked the restaurant. Service was a bit slow but Kyungsoo couldn’t really blame them, it was packed. He made sure to leave a tip. He felt like he and Jongin would probably come back here in the near future, or when they could, it depended on their schedule. He just hoped he’d get to see more of the other man, even though he’d been surrounded by an abundance of people in the emergency department, he still felt lonely without his sporadic visits from Jongin.

 

When they left, it was beginning to get cold outside. Kyungsoo, of course, hadn’t brought a jacket, he didn’t even have a suitable one to wear. The valet brought the car around, whilst they waited, Jongin noticed that Kyungsoo was looking a little cold, so he wrapped his arms around him, pulling him close. Leaning into the touch, Kyungsoo once again was hit with that wonderful smell of sandalwood.

 

“It’s getting colder these days, you should wear a coat, I don’t want you catching another cold,” Jongin mumbled into Kyungsoo’s shoulder, he just hummed in response.

 

On the car journey back, Kyungsoo was trying to figure out an excuse for Jongin to stay. If he told him he missed seeing him would that work? He didn’t want to guilt trip Jongin into staying, especially when he knew he’d probably be busy tomorrow. But he couldn’t help it, they’d not been able to spend time with each other, he was desperate, at least for another hour.

 

The car ride was over far too quickly, and they were parked outside Kyungsoo’s apartment complex. Kyungsoo hummed, getting ready to go.

 

“Is something wrong?” Jongin asked, putting his hand on Kyungsoo’s thigh and,  _ oh _ .

 

“I uh, I was just thinking… maybe you’d like to spend the night?” he’d turned into a stuttering mess.

 

Jongin replied without missing a beat. “Oh, of course.” 

 

After parking the car they took the elevator up to Kyungsoo’s floor. For some reason he was feeling nervous, he wasn’t at all sure why. Fumbling for his keys, Jongin decided to come up behind him and hug him, which didn’t help. Losing interest in his keys, Kyungsoo turned around to face Jongin, who brought him in for another hug.

 

“You seem stressed, is there any way I could help you relax?”

 

_ You could do me- _

 

“Ah! No, it’s fine, honestly.” Kyungsoo said, pulling back.

 

“Kyungsoo?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Can I kiss you?”

 

He gave no reply, but instead seized the opportunity, pulling on Jongin’s crisp designer shirt so he was at the right height to kiss. Jongin rested his hands on Kyungsoo’s sides gently, before pulling him in closer.

 

Kyungsoo didn’t want to go too crazy, but he just wanted to be  _ touched _ . He felt like a teenager with no self-control, like he’d never even been kissed before. Moving his arms up to link around Jongin’s neck he tried to pull himself up so they were more level with each other. Jongin pushed Kyungsoo back until he was flush against the wall pulling Kyungsoo’s hips closer to his, and  _ oh _ , the sensation was electrifying.

 

Things got messy and Jongin started digging around in Kyungsoo’s front pocket, not once breaking the heated kiss, before pulling out his keys. Of course, Kyungsoo had about five keys on one keychain and Jongin had no idea which was the correct one so Kyungsoo decided to pull back, grabbing the keys off him before quickly unlocking his door, opening it slightly and skillfully keeping it open with one foot whilst he grabbed at Jongin’s front again to pull him down for another searing kiss. Making their way inside, Kyungsoo kicked the door shut behind him, dropped his keys onto the floor and lost himself in the feeling.

 

\--

 

Jongdae ended up getting back to his flat relatively late, Sehun and Tao had kept him entertained with pizza hut whilst he sobered up before they all went to a Baskin Robbin’s ice cream shop. After the alcohol had started to wear off the horrid feeling had started to creep on him and he spent most of the time silent, sadly eating his yoghurt flavour ice cream. Not even his favourite foods could cheer him up, he was hopeless.

 

They’d both asked him if he was alright, and he could tell Sehun was growing concerned when Jongdae started to get quieter, but he brushed them off, saying he was getting a headache and really needed some rest. He didn’t want to worry them any more than he had done that day.

 

When he got into his flat, he let the door close on its own, before falling back against it. Tears he’d been holding in all day flowed, and he slid down until he was sat, arms wrapped around his knees. Life just wasn’t  _ fair. _

 

Before today he still had a chance, he hated to think about it because he thought he’d convinced himself that he didn’t  _ need _ Baek, but he hadn’t, and now he couldn’t stop feeling worthless because he’d completely blown it. He’d started off with a friendship and wanted more, and now he had nothing.

 

He hated him, he hated how Baek made him feel, hated how just the thought of his name made him feel an ache in his chest so strong he felt like he was dying. Love was horrible. Baekhyun was even worse. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So... what's your favourite song on DMUMT? Mine is Oasis but Gravity is a close second, this comeback was so quick I'm actually really sad that it's basically over. Damn SM.  Also, I wrote a small one-shot for halloween featuring Vampire!Minseok called [ Silence In The Library ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16490426)! if you're interested then please check it out <3 also how did you guys find my fic? i've had a sudden influx and I'm curious, was it in the tags or from a rec list? Please leave a comment!


	18. To Be Young (And In Love)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baekhyun regrets. Jongin starts to love.

**No tag warnings apply.**

 

 

The door slammed open with such force it could have taken it off its hinges, and Luhan was close to screaming. Brandishing a spatula as a weapon he leaned around the corner to see what was happening and was relieved to see it was only Minseok, wearing an extremely pleased expression. Luhan pointed at his shoes, and Minseok obliged, swapping from his work shoes to his house slippers, before shutting the door behind them.

 

“Oh my darling, it’s time for you to pay up!”  he teased, holding his hand out.

 

“W-what?” Luhan spluttered, absolutely stunned by Minseok’s odd behaviour.

 

He laughed, like a little child, doing a little dance, before setting his work bag down. “Ah, Luhan. How naive of you to think love wouldn’t prevail?”

 

Blinking at him, Luhan was getting irritated. “What on earth are you talking about?”

 

Pulling out his phone and unlocking it, he gestured to whatever was on the screen, smiling at Luhan as he waited for the other to read. 

 

And when he did, he wasn’t happy. “Are you fucking kidding me?” before saying some more choice mandarin swear words. 

 

“Isn’t it beautiful? Young love?” Minseok said, before dancing a little, getting into Luhan’s personal space.

 

Luhan snorted. “You’re only saying that because it made you money, asshole.” 

 

Minseok didn’t care, he just liked the fact that he won the bet. Admittedly it was a reduced amount since the original bet had expired and a new one had been set with a smaller amount of winnings. The money wasn’t why he was so happy, rather he enjoyed proving Luhan wrong. 

 

Jongin and Kyungsoo had made things Facebook official last night. The post had got over a hundred reactions, mainly hearts.

 

When they both sat for dinner, Minseok could tell that Luhan was highly annoyed. Luhan hadn’t even wanted to remake the bet in the first place, he was content with calling it a draw since Jongin and Kyungsoo were talking but not official. But making it Facebook official? It’s like getting married in this day and age. 

 

Luhan hated losing. He grumbled as he passed food to Minseok. 

 

“You do know I can understand Mandarin, don’t you?” Minseok said, Luhan just wanted to wipe that smirk off his face. “Besides, it’s something to be happy about, regardless. Kyungsoo hasn’t been this happy since before the ‘you know who’ incident.”

 

Minseok didn’t need to remind him, he knew just as well. Sighing, he stuffed his mouth with veggies to avoid admitting that Minseok was right. Kyungsoo was a wonderful person, but for a long time, he was lost to the world, consumed by sadness and anger. Luhan will never forget the day Minseok brought him to their house after finding him crying in the locker room. After that, he became a hardened version of himself, unwilling to let anyone beyond the protective walls he’d build for himself. 

 

Thank god Jongin was a persistent idiot.

 

“Minseok,” Luhan said, quietly.

 

“Hm?” he looked up, mixing up a bunch of the sides.

 

“I love you.” 

 

Minseok’s heart felt full, a warm feeling washed over him. “I love you too.”

 

Luhan smiled into his spoon, not wanting to give Minseok the pleasure of seeing his reaction. Truly though, he was happy. 

 

“But you still lost the bet and therefore are in debt to me.”

 

He flung the spoon at Minseok, aiming for his head.

 

 

♡♡

 

 

Baekhyun had been feeling uncomfortable for a long time now. However, since that day, it had intensified. 

 

There was only so many weird looks he could take from his colleagues. The girls who now had to replace Jongdae and work shifts with him always seemed like they wanted to ask questions, but never dared to. Even if they did ask him questions, he wasn’t sure how he would even answer. There were certain things he himself didn’t know the answer to. His head was a mess.

 

It had become a daily thing now, he’d finish his shift, ride the subway home and walk into his apartment in complete silence. He’d been blowing off Chanyeol for a few days now, he knew that his  _ boyfriend _ would ask him what was wrong and he didn’t have the heart to answer.

 

He felt  _ guilty. _

 

In a couple of days, it would be Jongdae’s birthday. They hadn’t been in contact for a couple of weeks now, and Baekhyun thought that it would be fine, that he could handle it, but he was lying to himself. He felt incredibly lonely, but he knew Jongdae didn’t want to talk to him. 

 

The truth of the matter was that Baekhyun was not the little flirt he often made himself out to be. He didn’t crave a quick fuck, he didn’t want cheap intimacy. He wanted so desperately to be loved, to be shown approval, to have someone he could call his own. He’d been through so many relationships, mainly because if he felt like the other wasn’t on the same page, he’d leave. There was a void in his heart that he needed to fill, he’d literally accept anyone who showed him even the smallest amount of affection. 

 

See; Chanyeol.

 

The uneasiness in his stomach made him feel sick, and he spent most of his free evenings curling up in a ball, lamenting, constantly checking his phone for any messages. 

 

Jongdae had stuck by his side through thick and thin, through the never-ending cycle of boyfriends, the monthly alterations to his style and attitude. He’d even dealt with him when he thought being bitchy was an attractive characteristic (Baekhyun thought maybe people would think he was sure of himself and confident, but it always came across wrong and made Baekhyun look like a total prick). When he really cast his mind back he knew that Jongdae was truly the only good friend he had, and now he had gone, and all Baekhyun had to fill that void was some half friends that didn’t do Jongdae justice.

 

He was lovesick, but also heartbroken. It was a horrible combination. He was desperate for validation, but not from Chanyeol. He knew he couldn’t look him in the eye and smile like he meant it anymore. 

 

The conversation replayed over and over in his head. He had no idea where those horrible comments had even come from, but he knew some part of his subconscious must have been thinking about it in order to say it. The words made him cringe, how on  _ earth _ could anyone say that to their best friend? Baekhyun was a terrible person.

 

He just wanted to say sorry to Jongdae. Probably a couple dozen times, to make up for all his wrongdoings. Would Jongdae ever forgive him? Or had he truly ruined one of the only good relationships he’d ever had? He was too scared to find out.

 

His only saving grace was that he could learn from this, and maybe in time, he could become a better version of himself, someone who could be considerate and  _ not _ a total asshole. He prayed he could grow as a person, to become someone who didn’t need to be constantly reassured that he was a human worth loving.

 

He needed to learn to love himself.

 

 

♡♡

 

 

He was going to do it.

 

He  _ was _ going to do it.

 

If he kept telling himself over and over that he would, then maybe he would somehow build the confidence to do so.

 

Yixing wasn’t stupid but he also  _ was _ stupid. He’d noticed over the last few days that Junmyeon was becoming…  _ very _ friendly. He didn’t have a problem with that at all, in fact, he was very  _ very  _ pleased that Junmyeon was taking a liking to him. Or at least, that’s what he thought it was. His anxiety was telling him that he was being stupid, that he was reading way too much into it. But was he? Because Junmyeon seemed quite obvious.

 

But… what if?

 

Oh, to hell with ‘what if’, he wanted to ask Junmyeon on a date.

 

The problem was trying to catch Junmyeon when he was free, obviously, he had a very stressful and busy job, and his appearances in the ER had been far and few between. They’d text each other daily, usually Junmyeon telling Yixing how busy and hectic things had been for him recently, and Yixing could feel what he wanted to really say resting on the tip of his tongue, but he restrained himself. It would be  _ so _ much easier to just ask it through text, but Yixing knew that it wasn’t something which could be properly conveyed using text; it needed to be done in person.

 

It was just finding the time to do it which was the problem.

 

Sighing, he moved away from his little standing desk and went to check boxes. The hospital had made a new deal with a different pharmaceutical company which was starting to come into effect gradually, making his job just that bit harder. Brand name changes, dose changes, just everything being changed. Organising things so that they were easier for every other pharmacist was his mission for the night, in between prescribing medicines for all the patients who were coming through the department.

 

Things had been quiet, most of the injuries that had been brought in were superficial and nothing had been challenging so far, which Yixing was grateful for. He could see the way the doctors and nurses chatted to each other when things quietened down, and Yixing couldn’t help but feel a little lonely. Junmyeon always made the effort to come to check on him and chat to him about little things because he knew how isolating it could be when you didn’t really know everyone. But, he wasn’t here. It sucked.

 

He wasn’t too sure when he’d become so utterly content with just being around Junmyeon, but it had happened. When he talked to him or when he sat with him in silence he didn’t feel the telltale clamminess of his palms or the difficulty in getting his words out, he wasn’t ‘anxious Yixing’. He was just Yixing. He genuinely couldn’t remember the last time he felt this comfortable around someone who wasn’t his parents, and now that he lived in South Korea, he didn’t have his parents to rely on.

 

Seoul was supposed to be his home away from home, but he’d never really been able to fully relax here. But now with Junmyeon, things had started to change for the better. He didn’t want to be so forward, but he really felt like if Junmyeon was with him, then home would be wherever he was.

 

The only problem was that he needed to ask him out, and Junmyeon needed to actually  _ want _ to spend time with him before he could start fantasising about the house with the white picket fence and two dogs…

 

A quick glance at the huge white clock on the wall told him he’d got a lot more time left before he got to go on break and another look over at the six giant plastic crates filled with boxes of pills and glass bottles of painkillers told him he definitely had a lot more work to do . He sighed.

 

_ Just think of Junmyeon…. Just think of Junmyeon… _

 

 

♡♡

 

 

When Jongin woke up, he spent a few minutes feeling confused. Normally his apartment smelt of laundry, but for some reason this morning it smelt like food. It took him a moment or two to remember that he’d not cooked the previous night, then another couple of moments to realise that he’d brought Kyungsoo back last night. But when he looked to his side, Kyungsoo wasn’t there, just rumpled sheets. 

 

He dressed, it became apparent that he’d gotten into bed in just his underwear, but he couldn’t find any kind of t-shirt so pyjama pants alone would have to do. As he looked around for his glasses he found a mug of tea on his bedside table, piping hot. Smiling, he took a small sip before heading out of his bedroom.

 

The strong smell intensified as he reached his kitchen, Kyungsoo wasn’t fully dressed but was using his white work shirt to cover up, hair sticking up at odd angles and glasses beginning to slip down his nose. His attention was elsewhere, focussing on Jongin’s rarely used frying pan which sat on top of the stove. Setting his mug down somewhere safe, he decided to take the opportunity to be affectionate.

 

Kyungsoo didn’t even jump as Jongin wrapped his arms around his waist, instead, he relaxed into the touch. Jongin could see now that Kyungsoo had been making pancakes, small fluffy ones which all seemed uniform in shape and size. Any time he’d tried to make pancakes it went horrifically wrong, so he was suitably impressed.

 

Resting his chin on Kyungsoo’s shoulder, he inhaled. “Those smell fantastic,” he said softly.

 

He could tell Kyungsoo was smiling from his voice. “Well, someone has to use your ridiculously well-made kitchen equipment, since you don’t.”

 

“You can come and use them whenever you want if it means I get pancakes.”

 

Kyungsoo let out a dramatic gasp, before flipping the pancake. “I see, you only keep me around so you can eat good food.”

 

Jongin laughed, tightening his hold. “It’s not my fault your cooking is so much better than mine. Really though, I’d rather eat you,” he emphasised his point by nuzzling into Kyungsoo’s neck.

 

Turning to face him, Kyungsoo, in turn, wrapped his arms around Jongin’s neck, smirking. “Is that so?”

 

Jongin wanted to play along, but he couldn’t help but laugh, before closing the distance between the two with a kiss. Jongin could literally spend all day kissing Kyungsoo, it was definitely one of his favourite things to do. He could barely believe that he’d woken up to this, some part of his brain was convinced that it was just a sweet dream. But when he felt Kyungsoo run his fingers through the hair and the nape of Jongin’s neck, felt him moved up ever so slightly like he did when he went on his tiptoes, he decided that even if it was a dream, he didn’t want to wake up.

 

He really wanted to continue, especially when his hands wandered and he realised that Kyungsoo wasn’t really wearing anything, but Jongin paused, smiling onto Kyungsoo’s lips. “Should probably wait until you’ve finished cooking before I eat you up, huh?”

 

“Don’t worry, you can have me for dessert.”

 

They ate in comfortable silence, Kyungsoo checking in with his mom whilst Jongin browsed through his social media. He hummed, finishing off the last of the pancakes on his plate. “It would seem that our Facebook post received a lot of comments.”

 

Kyungsoo looked up, pushing his glasses up. “Oh? Anything interesting?”

 

Jongin frowned. “Minseok made some choice comments, but other than that it seems pretty positive- Oh, hang on, Sehun commented “finally” with a bunch of exclamation points and way too many emojis.”

 

“How long ago was Minseok’s comment?” 

 

“Seven hours ago.”

 

Groaning, Kyungsoo covered his face. “My mom will have seen that, great.”

 

At that, Jongin cringed. “I’ll just… remove it… just in case she hasn’t seen it.”

 

“Is it that bad?”

 

“It’s definitely not appropriate for your mom to see, so yeah. Pretty bad.”

 

Kyungsoo grimaced, taking another drink of his coffee. Jongin kept scrolling and saw that he’d had a couple of messages from work colleagues, congratulating him, so he replied, trying his best not to blush. Even his older sister had sent him a message with a bunch of emojis which Jongin couldn’t really decipher, but he sent a ‘thank you’ back regardless. 

 

“So… do you still want dessert?” Kyungsoo said, wiggling one of his eyebrows.

 

Jongin let out a soft laugh, but on the inside, he could feel warmth blossoming in his chest. A feeling he knew very well, something which he could only describe as love. When he saw Kyungsoo smile in return, the feeling intensified.

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um we going ✈️uwu. that lil bit with kaisoo is my favourite thing ive ever written and im fkin soft rn. unfortunately this fic is going to start coming to a close soon, I've just finished planning out my next one, a mama au (the plan alone is 3k so um... fk). also we hit 400 kudos..... l'm in awe. thank you so much omg. u guys and ur comments literally mean everything to me.


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